I joined up yesterday but I have lurked on here for some time now. I've not found a sub forum for introductions so I'm using this post here to introduce myself and my somewhat unusual life, and living arrangements.
As my username suggests I am a Second wife to my OH, but not in the conventional sense as we are not married and can never be. Most of you will find this very hard to understand and accept as it breaks the 'norm' with regards to relationships but we are in a Polygamous relationship. He is early 40's and is married to his wife who is the same age, and they live together without children as that is their wish. I am early 50's and live 40 miles away from them in my own home. I have three teenage children from a previous marriage and support myself and my children with the bare minimum of financial help from their Father, to which they do not see and do not recognise as a 'Father'. He left when they were all still very young, the youngest was only months old as he suddenly decided being married and a parent was not for him.
My OH was a very distant friend for many years although I was well aware that his wife did not have a huge sexual appetite. He struggled with the not wanting to cheat on her, but really needing a sexual outlet. I was celibate but frustrated and some how we became for want of a better word 'Fuckbuddies'. There was strictly no emotion between us and sex was good but that was all it was. Over the years it seems the OH began to fall in love with me and my children without my knowledge, and it was a huge shock years ago when he finally confessed he loved me/us. Over the years of us being fuckbuddies his wife grew to understand what was happening between us and she was relieved that she did not have to have sex when she did not want it and that he would not be leaving her for us, merely we would share him. And so it began... I am called his secondwife in gest by her and he spends some of each week at each home. He makes no financial contribution to my household other than paying for the odd take-away to cover food that he does consume at my house,. We go on family outings together as a proper family and my kids call him 'Dad'. That is their choice, it has never been pushed onto them, they realise which man in their life loves them and has time for them, and which does not.
The only downside we have so far discovered is that we can never 'out' ourselves to family and friends. As far as they all know we are all just good friends such is the social frowning that happens to people who wish to live a polygamous life. It is not something that any of us set out to do, it just sort of happened and it works for us.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
New member with unusual lifestyle.
Secondwife · 24/08/2011 11:29
Have you met his wife then? Are you friends?
Or are you a daily mail reporter ? 
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