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Porn addiction. anyone's dp beaten it?

(7 Posts)
crappysitu Tue 23-Aug-11 18:17:27

Am in a really crappy situation. DH has an overwhelming porn habit. He stays up til god knows what time every night watching it, and can't keep awake in the day. I am vehemently anti porn (He know's this) But still can't/won't stop, or talk about it.

Please don't try to tell me that porn is ok/harmless/beneficial to some couples. That discussion is for another time. To me it is woman-hating exploitation of the worst kind, that blunts and distorts normal sexual response (I am prooof of thatsad)

the problem first came to my attention probably 5 years ago, maybe more. We had stopped having sex. Sex has always been a difficult issue for us. I was always really important to me in previous relationships, but with him just a bit, well, crap. No chemistry, no effort made by him, and he just seemed to want it over quickly, ie just penetration and no intimacy. I found this really frustrating, confusing and upsetting. So we stopped. About once a year we 'try again', and have sex maybe 6 times over a few weeks, then i get frustrated again, because it is crap, and he won't talk about it or try to change.

We have tried many times to address this, two lots of couple counselling and I have had counselling on my own.

I thought we had reached a sort of sexless compromise (we have 1 ds, who's 9). Not ideal, but happy enough in other ways (or so I thought), but now he says we should split up as not right for each other.

My issue is, I don't know if i want this. I do not want rock ds's world, upheaval, poverty, uncertainty. Definite poverty. I'm not really sure if it's what he wants either (i'm his second wife)

My question is, would specific sex therapy help him? I don't know what to say to him, I'm just in a daze. Thanks for all and any help and advice.

GypsyMoth Tue 23-Aug-11 18:21:48

Does he want therapy?

Is it on the computer, tv?

crappysitu Tue 23-Aug-11 18:27:43

I don't know what he wants.sad.He's gone to his mum's (planned trip) with ds for a couple of days to give me space.

When he/we had counselling before, he was very lax about doing any homework and tasks. Relate woman suggested we had a 'massage' night. it was awful sad. We had sex anyway because he didn't have the patience for the other stuff. sad. Put me off anything like that again.

Computer and tv sadly I think.

nje3006 Tue 23-Aug-11 19:10:42

It doesn't sound like he wants to resolve this, sounds like he'd rather split up. So you staying together and working it out doesn't sound like a very realistic option - sorry....

HedleyLamarr Tue 23-Aug-11 19:59:23

What a horrible situation for you OP. He sounds like he'd rather have a wank. If sex is important to you, get rid of him, he isn't going to change and you'll continue to have rubbish sex. sad

HereIGo Tue 23-Aug-11 20:48:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crappysitu Tue 23-Aug-11 21:20:43

Thank you for your replies.
i'm scared, and i'm indignant that I will end up in poverty, and that ds will likely have to move school because of this. I have tried for the last year to get a ft job, so I know what its like out there. And cuts to lp benefits etc. Not what I signed up for at all. And i have barely any 'support neetwork'.

Also I'm scared of what it will go like when I'm not there to hide it from. He will do it ALL the time. There was a time a few years ago when he was doing it AT WORK.I don't want ds to see it, and fear it is even potentially a cp issue.

What can I say to him?

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