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Am i being really stupid to believe him...

(25 Posts)
spennie Tue 23-Aug-11 17:29:20

Hi Everyone
I need some help. 2 months ago I found out my DH had a serious gambling problem - whilst the debts he racked up werent too horrendous it was the lies and betrayal that were the most painful. He admitted everything and has started counselling and I am really trying hard to slowly slowly piece things together again. until today..
I get a VM from his phone he called me by mistake and I could hear the tv with the races on. i rang him and confronted him immediately but he said that he was in the betting shop there using the loo, he is travelling with work. even as i write this it sounds ridiculous but is there a chance he is telling the truth???? the consquences are if it is true and he was gambling i will leave and he knows this.
am so confused....

Deesus Tue 23-Aug-11 17:31:30

Um...no sorry I don't think he is. Using the loo in a betting shop...hmm

BonneKers Tue 23-Aug-11 17:32:14

Of all places to find a loo... Not a chance, I'm so sorry. sad

TakeMeDrunkImHome Tue 23-Aug-11 17:35:24

No he isn't telling the truth. Sorry.

Mouseface Tue 23-Aug-11 17:35:32

Nope. I'm afraid that people with addictions will tell you that black was white rather than admit they were gambling/drinking/taking drugs.

It's as much about the shame of being caught out and letting YOU down as it is about him letting himself down.

Has he had any form of help so far? Counselling? GA?

spennie Tue 23-Aug-11 17:38:01

he has started counselling on a 121 basis and does talk about it openly. the only thing that makes me think he might be telling the truth is that he has no money (i know exaclty how much cash he has and the bank statements show no money was taken out)

Mouseface Tue 23-Aug-11 17:42:13

So why did he go into the betting shop to use the loo? Because he knew it was there? Or to try his luck at getting credit? Did he have a 'tab' at any point?

Does anyone owe him money?

I'm sorry to say that he may have put money aside for such times.

Addicts have means and ways.

spennie Tue 23-Aug-11 17:46:32

he is in a different city so he wouldnt have a tab. he says he needed to go and he knows they have loos in there. i know it sounds ridiculous but to leave him where he may, just may be telling the truth...i could strangle him either way...

Deesus Tue 23-Aug-11 17:48:12

If he's in a different city he could still have a tab if it's a chain.....

Does he have a credit card? You can certainly use them for online betting and possibly betting shops.

spennie Tue 23-Aug-11 17:49:09

no everything was confiscated.

p.s. I used to working a bookies as a student and it put me off gambling for life. Seeing people coming in chucking around £50 notes at the start of the day then scrabbling in their pockets for 50ps at the end. Horrible. It really can be a true and debilitating addiction.

Bluebelle38 Tue 23-Aug-11 17:51:18

He obviously has some cash on him. You can't know every cent he has. I mean, what is he using to eat with?

Cheerfulcharlie Tue 23-Aug-11 17:51:43

Sounds like he has a secret credit card. Can you do a credit check on him?

Mouseface Tue 23-Aug-11 17:54:29

I think you need to speak to him face to face and look at him. You'll know in your gut if he's lying.

I'm sorry but addicts will do anything sometimes. I doubt this was part of his counselling btw, or the old 'I thought I see how I felt if I just went in for a few minutes'

Ask him when you see him.

aliceliddell Tue 23-Aug-11 18:01:51

Does Gamblers Anonymous have a family section like AlAnon?

countingto10 Tue 23-Aug-11 18:04:19

Check if anything is missing in the house (cash convertors etc). Know someone whose OH pawned their DC toys to gamble sad. DH also had a major gambling problem - if they want to they will always find a way to gamble.

Bluebelle38 Tue 23-Aug-11 18:21:52

Why not go to a pub instead of the betting shop for the 'toilet' -there's plenty more pubs.

He is lying through his teeth sad

Mouseface Tue 23-Aug-11 20:25:25

spennie - I think only YOU will know if he's lying or not and maybe posting on here was a way to look for reassurance so that you didn't/don't have to face him.

I imagine this to be incredibly hard for you, because you want him to stop.

I hope that he will recover from this addiction and I hope that in time, you can learn to trust him without question. But, for tonight, you really need to know whether he has lied to you or not.

I hope you are okay x

AnyFucker Tue 23-Aug-11 20:32:00

I wouldn't fall for this fairy story, sorry sad

All the best x

HereIGo Tue 23-Aug-11 20:40:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoMeDon Tue 23-Aug-11 20:43:17

I find it hard to beleive his story - it is unlikely to say the least and if he is trying to recover he should be avoiding the temptation not using the loo.

I think it is unhelpful to his recovery to have such massive expectations though. A few wobbles are likely when someone is trying to overcome an addiction. How long has he been at counselling?

Maybe you could try to take this less personally? I know how hard it is to be lied to but it is not about you when someone lies. It is a reflection on them, their shame at what they are doing, self-denial and protection.

It is hard to unconditionally support someone in recovery- if you really want him better for his own sake, maybe you could try to understand rather than be hurt by his actions.

DontGoCurly Tue 23-Aug-11 21:17:10

Don't believe it. Not sure I'd believe he's wholeheartedly going to counselling either. He could just be doing it for appearances. Addicts can be so manipulative and deceitful.

Who knows what he's up to or what lines of credit he has access to.

Sorry anyway.

pictish Tue 23-Aug-11 21:39:44

I would laugh at the transparency of his lie, if it were not so serious OP.
Yes, he was lying.

nje3006 Tue 23-Aug-11 22:37:33

C'mon, do you really have to ask the question..? How many times have YOU popped into the betting shop to use the loo...? Quite...

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