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I think DH and I are in a really bad place at the moment and I can't see the way out.

(4 Posts)
MilkyBarGirl Tue 23-Aug-11 12:00:18

DH and I have ongoing problems in that after having DCs my libido has crashed and his hasn't. We've tried talking about it and can rectify it temporarily but we always end up back where we started.

It's now got to the point where I can't talk to him about anything as he always manages to bring the problem round to sex and lack of it and this decreasing lack of communication has found us now at crisis point I think.

I am not trying to blame him in anyway. If anything the blame lies with me as I am the one without a sex drive but I can't see a way forward. We hardly spend any time in the same room as each other at the moment and our communication revolves around talking about children/house.

I just get the feeling he no longer enjoys my company that in turn makes me not want to have sex with him and so the vicious circle goes round and round. If we do have sex he's wanting it ALL the time, 2/3 times a day so it's easier not to open the flood gates.

This all sounds awful doesn't it? sad I do love him, I don't want to split up I believe in marriage for better for worse and I think this is just a phase we can get through - I don't know how though sad

UsingMainlySpoons Tue 23-Aug-11 12:03:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilkyBarGirl Tue 23-Aug-11 12:28:26

Thank you Using I feel so sad at the moment. It's not helping that I am knackered as have 3 DCs off school at the moment and DH hasn't been able to have any holiday (new job). I'm going a bit stir crazy!!

I find it really hard to be all roles to everyone. I find it hard to switch from mother (I am a SAHM) to housekeeper to cook to sex goddess in the bedroom. I am so exhausted at the end of the day and having had 3 dcs I am also a bit overweight so don't feel happy with myself.

What can I do to bridge this increasing gap between us?

groak Wed 24-Aug-11 06:56:53

If you can't really talk because it always comes back to the sex issue, have you tried writing things down, how you feel, for your dh to read? Would you be comfortable doing this?

I mean, if you wrote some thing along the lines of 'i'm writing this because it's easier to let you know how i feel... i feel like this... it upsets me bause i don't want to feel this way... i still love you... etc ' so your dh is getting to understand how you feel, what the issue is/ the crux of the problem, how you feel about him, and he can mull it over before talking to you?

Have you told him you think he no longer enjoys your company? If yes, what wa shis reaction? If not, do you think he would be upset by this?

You'll find that this is a really coomon thing after dcs, as using.. says, so try npt to be too hard on yourself.

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