things have been bad between me and dd (25) for about 5 years. When I say bad, I mean very bad. sometimes I haven't known where she is for over a year. she won't stay at my house, insists I am abusive etc. I have thought and thought about what she means, really turned myself inside out, and I just can't see what she means. I'm not exactly slow about confessing my faults iyswim. I'd rather get it out of the way re if it's harming me or anyone else I'd rather deal with it. So far, I have drawn a blank about her accusations.
Except to say I have short shrift with people who are manipulative. I am also straight to the point, don't hang around; set boundaries if I absolutely must, make it clear what they are, then enforce them if I have to. I don't enjoy doing it - would much rather not - but sometimes you have to be clear with people who push. I know I sound like a sergeant major but there we go. I have very little truck with manipulative behaviour. It bores me to death.
dd hasn't been to my house since christmas. she stayed last night - a first since christmas (when she left promptly on boxing day, stating I had 'insulted her boyf's mother', twisting a comment I made, out of context and all proprortion). She stayed last night because we had a special treat we planned months ago for dd2 but because of the lack of contact with dd1 we haven't been able to do it. It was important we left on time and dd1 kicked up with major manipulative behaviour. The pressure was on - as at christmas. The upshot is that she mucked about so badly that I firstly warned that if she didn't get her act together the whole thing was off. all my kids know I mean this (but all my kids know how much it hurts me if I have to enforce it! I don't make a song and dance about it but it is a real downer - it does upset me). She pushed it and pushed it and then refused to get in the car - by now the time was really tight. I was well-frazzled by this stage - shouted at her earlier about a towel (should've known I was starting to go over the edge) - I now realise (though didn't at the time). Anyways, the upshot is that I left without her. I could cry my eyes out. I'm so upset!
I feel I was completely set up. She goes off with her 'stories' about what a terrible mother I am. She doesn't know how lucky she is, really she doesn't. I don't labour the point and have never said it (perhaps I should?). She has ruined another family event but for all the world it looks like I did
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Relationships
very bad day with dd
springydaffs · 22/08/2011 22:00
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