Sorry if this is long. Have never started my own thread but know enough about mumsnet to know I will get honest answers. :)
Have been with DH for 5 years and my relationship with MIL has always been strained and awkward esp since we had our two lovely boys, DS1 (2.5) & DS 2 (4 months). She is very interfering with the boys and never approves of my approach to bringing them up. Until recently I have put up with her coldness and domineering ways but things came to a head a month ago when my DH was abroad for a month working and I was alone with the boys.
MIL was coming round regularly to help with the DC's and her help was very much appreciated as my own family live 10 hours away. However she took over as usual and one day announced that she had arranged for BIL and his wife to take DS1 out for the day at the weekend. I was totally put on the spot and had to reply that I was not happy with that. BIL had been in 5 accidents in only 2 years at that point, (and has had another one since), and is quite honestly a danger on the roads. MIL was outraged about this critisicm of BIL and denied he had been in so many accidents and that the "2" that he had been in were just unlucky rear end shunts. (by the way I didn't actually say to MIL that he was a danger on the road, just that I wasn't happy about the accidents). At this point she did her usual quiet passive agressive number on me and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day, just giving huffy yes and no answers when i soke to her. As she was about to go home I decided to do something about the nasty atmosphere and told her i was aware she was annoyed at me but I really didn't want to fall out. She flew off the handle at this point asking me why I was verbally attacking her? I was not attacking her, just wanted to smooth out the situation and (despite wanting to scream at her) kept an even tone of speech the whole time. She flew out the door, slamming it in DS1's face and said she didn't have to take this from me and drove home.
Later she calls DH crying down the phone accusing me of being aggressive to her and demanding to know why we don't want BIL to be part of our family? . (A little background, BIL was sick as a child and she is fiercely protective of him despite the fact that he is a 6ft 30 year old hulk.) She also said I should have lied about the reason I didn't want BIL to have DS1 to spare her feelings!! (As mentioned before she totally put me on the spot and to be honest, whatever reason I would have given she would have had an answer to).
Anyway to cut a long story short it is DH's birthday coming up and we're all supposed to be going away for 3 days to celebrate. (Us with all the In-Laws, all booked and paid for already:( ). MIL has not spoken to me for 5 weeks now and I am dreading the horrible atmosphere that will inevitably ruin poor DH's time (and probably the rest of the family too). BIL knows nothing of the fall out as if MIL had told him she would have had to given him the reason for the fall out as well so he is calling DH all the time about what we're going to do while we're away. At this point tbh we don't think we're even going to go. :(
Poor DH is being so supportive of me as he know's exactly what his mum is like but it's very upsetting for him to be piggy in the middle. Also DS1 adores his Nan and is always asking for her. Please can I have some advice on how to patch up this relationship and actually build something nice with MIL. I really don't want this stupid arguement to carry on and ultimately ruin my relationship with DH's family.
Thanks and sorry for the long rant :(
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Relationships
Please help me to build a relationship with my MIL.
FriedaMer · 22/08/2011 14:49
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