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Mothers. When you want to get on with them but you just can't.

(5 Posts)
EternalPie Mon 22-Aug-11 13:32:46

Posted about this in AIBU but I suppose it fits better in here.

Story is I've just got back from a weekend away with my mum. She paid for it all and paid for most of the food whilst we were there (insisted).

I am very grateful and we had a nice time. That is up until the bus journey home when she seemingly went out of her way to irritate me and cause an argument. In brief, she asked if I wanted to stay at her house for dinner when we got back. There was no right answer to this one, if I say yes, she'll moan she's too tired and if I say no, she'll moan that I'm in a mood.

I tried "yes if it's no trouble". As predicted this caused her to go off in a strop saying she's tired etc so I change it to "actually it would be easier to go straight home" and again as predicted - this caused her to say I was in a mood.

The thing is she nags and nags and nags until you snap.

"Why are you in a mood?"
"what's up with you?"
"you're pissed off about the dinner arnt you?"
"You think I don't want you"
"You're snapping at me!"
"Why are you snapping?"

on and on and on and on -

Eventually I became quite overcome with travel sickness and told her I wasn't feeling well. This was met with yet more insane nagging:

"Why are you in a mood?" "what's wrong?" "don't you get snappy when you're tired!" "are you tired?" "why are you in a mood again?" "you think I didn't want you to come to dinner" "people have to be so careful what they say to you because you go in a mood"

and on and on and on - and yes I did fucking snap eventually as unfortunately I wasn't blessed with endless patience.

This spoilt the entire weekend ending it on a sour point. As I predicted, she has now told the entire family that I spoilt the holiday by snapping at her on the way home and going off in a mood. She's also told everyone that other guests commented on my weight after I told everyone I don't eat properly (totally untrue and ridiculous to even suggest).

I hate this. I'm now left feeling guilty because my head is telling me "she's paid out £100s on a holiday for you and you're now slagging her off" but she WINDS ME UP. I don't know if she does it on purpose but she's ALWAYS done it. Our last holiday ended up in a massive row and me going home early because she NAGS AND NAGS and causes arguments by reacting negatively to ANYTHING you say. She's now talking about us going to Cornwall next year for a week together but god help me I just can't. I HATE arguing with her but she pushes and pushes - not just with me, she's like it with everyone but I just can't be arsed to deal with it. Walking on eggshells in Dc Martin boots CONSTANTLY.

All my life she's told stupid little lies about me for a laugh, caused arguments and then told everyone how I've upset her, left ME feeling guilty because my patience has ran out and I've snapped and I'm just sick of being the but of her untrue or exagurated stories and left feeling like the bad guy all the time.

Sorry, this has turned into a rant but my patience has now well and truely left me.

TheFlyingOnion Mon 22-Aug-11 13:55:08

Oh god are you me? My DM sounds exactly the same. Everyone else who knows her loves her but she can be so toxic in all the ways you've described. I've just spent the weekend with her, and I am coming back completely wrung out.

I feel your pain, I really do sad

PinotsKittens Mon 22-Aug-11 18:27:32

I've spent all day flipflopping from tears and then anger at my mother.

I empathise.

BirdOfPassage Mon 22-Aug-11 18:42:19

My sister is exactly the same. I call it 'needling' (as with a needle). It's as though she has a grudge against me. She could have, (if only because of the times I've snapped) - but then she has fallen out with nearly everyone (friends and rellies) because of this confrontational and judgmental attitude. She's in her 80's - wonder if it's an age thing?

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Mon 22-Aug-11 20:41:36

Maybe try on some of the following resources for size, see if anything applies to you and your DM?

Out of the FOG
Daughters of narcissistic mothers
When you and your mother can't be friends

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