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Am I being too cynical?

(11 Posts)
Flissfloss Sat 20-Aug-11 17:11:47

I've name changed.

Bit of background:

I use to use an application on Facebook called Social Me. (it's where you tag someone random things like nice, minger etc etc) I ended up chatting to this bloke (Who I shall call A) I was single at this point (I was going through a divorce) We ended up becoming fb "friends". He's a nice guy but I wasn't looking for anything except friends. I did a month later end up getting into a relationship with who I can only refer to as Satan's surprise. We ended up dating for 16 months. Within 10 months of dating we went to Notting Hill Carnival and I arranged to finally meet up (along with Satan) with A who was there with his friends. I got on really well with A. He's a lovely bloke. We've kept in touch and are friends. I know he's liked me since we met.

Fast forward to this year. I was dumped by Satan's surprise when I was 16w pregnant My baby is now 4 weeks old. A, has been a complete star throughout the whole ordeal. He always checks on how I'm doing and how the baby is etc etc. Just been like what they call a rock. I have agreed to go on an official date with him. He has pretty much told me he want's to get with me.
The problem I have is:

He's on a dating site. POF. It shouldn't nig at me but it is. My friend is also on that website and she told me he was on it as she saw his photo on there. I've never been on a dating website. I feel like he must be desperate for a relationship hence being on there and chasing me. I also see he is friends with loads of females on FB (It comes up on my news feed a is friends with x,y,z). I am insecure about things that ring alarm bells like they did with satan surprise but I ignored as I was naive and he was a nasty person. He would take other women out and say they were friends. I was never invited I since found out I was cheated on and lied to etc etc. I can't allow myself to be used and abused like I was, ever again. I also have to think about my baby so it's really important I don't pick a fuckwit.

Is there any advice you guys could give me?


MrsHicks Sat 20-Aug-11 17:58:45

I think it's a little outdated to think people are 'desperate' if they're on dating sites. He's been there for you and clearly you have something good going on so what's so wrong about it if he is looking for a relationship?

You're only going on a date at this point. If something develops then ask him about the site. Enjoy your date! smile

Thehusbandsatcricketagain Sat 20-Aug-11 18:06:15

Now no laughing but I met my husband on fb,somehow we became friends & talked loads on there,then one day he said I think we should go on a date,so we did & now we are married grin

Not saying you are going to marry A but so what if he is on a dating site tons of people are these days as it can be a really good way of sifting the wheat from the chaff & my dh still has tons of female friends on fb but after we announced our coupledom & lot of them vanished,maybe just maybe he has no clue that you might actually want to be with him too so.

In short,you already know him well,he has been a rock to you & if after a date you don't feel the same to him then no harm done,but if you don't go you will never know.

& it's highly commendable that you are considering babe in all this as so many people don't these days & just pick what's right for them & not their dc.

Hope this helps,if not then ignore me grin

buzzsore Sat 20-Aug-11 18:28:49

First questions, do you find him attractive and do you like him?

Second questions, did he apply pressure to get you to agree to a date? Are you going out with him because you feel grateful or that you ought to give him a shot?

If the answer to the first set is yes and yes, and the answer to the second is no and no, then give it a go. If he's a bit pushy then I'd give him a miss.

Regarding the dating/lots of women on his FB, I don't think it has to be that he's desperate and after any woman. Lots of people date through the internet these days. If he hasn't told you about the dating website, then you could bring up internet dating casually and see what he says about it - if he's open about being on there, then that's quite good. If he doesn't mention it, it could suggest a level of dishonesty. You could always ask him to delete his membership of the dating site if things develop between you.

But it's early days, you've just had a baby and still relatively recently out of a crappy relationship - if you're ready to date a bit, that's nice, but don't be pressured and take it slow.

Flissfloss Sat 20-Aug-11 19:32:22

MrsHicks you're right, I am being a bit outdated it's just I've never been with anyone via fb or the internet before, so it's all new to me. Thank you.

Thehusbandsatcricketagain wow that's a very positive and lovely story! I am scared with the amount of female friends. It just smacks of the ex. Obviously I haven't asked A as it's none of my business. And thank you. Baby comes first no matter what.

buzzsore Yes I do like him and no he didn't apply any pressure on me at all. He actually has a good SOH which is great. Thank you too, I will let you know how things get on in 3 weeks time xx

FabbyChic Sat 20-Aug-11 20:27:51

You are definately outdated it is the best and for some the only way to meet someone. When people work they tend to have less of a social life, it also allows you to meet more people than you would elsewhere.

I think your tone sounds snobbish.

They tend to get talking on POF and then become FB friends they might be women he has had one date with got on with but nothing more.

You sound like you might be jealous nighmare to have a relationship with anyway to be honest. What's wrong with the guy being popular.

Thehusbandsatcricketagain Sat 20-Aug-11 21:51:26

fabbychic - I in no way wish to speak out of turn but I do not think in any way,shape or form does flissfloss sound either snobbish or a jealous nightmare,just someone who is rightfully cynical & possibly not intune with current dating methods,after all if you have not needed to internet date then you may not be completely au fait with the workings of it !!!!

& flissfloss - please excuse me if I am speaking out of turn here

Flissfloss Sat 20-Aug-11 23:34:42

Fabbychic did you post to get a reaction or something? I don't even think you've bothered to read my post maybe you just missed parts out... I fail to see how any part of my post can be classed as snobby or a jealous nightmare.

Thanks Thehusbandsatcricketagain what you said with bells on top. What a very odd thing to post although rather funny calling my tone snobbish for being wary of things!

buzzsore Sat 20-Aug-11 23:46:51

Take no notice.

HairyGrotter Sun 21-Aug-11 08:31:04

I too would be cynical but would give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm currently 'seeing' a guy who I met via POF, then became friends on FB. He has a tonne of women on there as friends, he communicates via their wall etc but I don't see a future with him but he'll do for now.

It's different though, I don't have a very new baby (congrats btw grin), I have a 3 yo who has not and will not meet him.

Go and enjoy the date, if nothing ends up of it, you have still gained a friend smile

HerHissyness Sun 21-Aug-11 11:26:38

I'd say if your gut instinct is telling you something is not right, then listen.

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