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Am I paranoid?

(27 Posts)
seriouschanger Sat 20-Aug-11 15:58:47

Ex stalks to attack so I sometimes keep an eye out. Got home with ds 40 mins ago and white van parked around corner in usual spot where ex used to peep through the trees at end of the road to see my house. I drove past and turned into my street and parked on my drive...1 minute later white van went slowly past and man starring my way as he drove past...too far to see that it was a male with same hair colour as ex. A bit freaked too like time stood still couldn't breath. I had a bad feeling just passing the van and normally I ain't really looking as forget about it.

Got a bad feeling.....am I being paranoid?

garlicbutter Sat 20-Aug-11 16:04:29

Doesn't sound like it. Have the police got a marker on you? I think you should ring them, and take their advice.

seriouschanger Sat 20-Aug-11 16:16:18

the last time I phoned police about ex around the corner the police officer said it was a free world and ex can stand at my front window looking in without breaking the law......so really don't bother with police now unless I have 'evidence' which equals damage and this thankfully isn't happening now. But this is the 4th 'situation' since ex can't get near my house without being caught on camera. Saturday afternoon again appears to be the pattern too. Got a marker and double locked my front door...but I do that everyday anyway.

It's like my 'gut' instinct took over without knowing?

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Aug-11 16:27:49

Could you keep a camera/old phone near the front windows so that you can quickly take a photo of any suspicious vehicles?

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Aug-11 16:28:18

Is it possible to have an injunction out on him if he was violent in the past?

lazarusb Sat 20-Aug-11 16:31:41

Keep a record of all these incidents. It might be him, it might not but at least you have a document of any suspicious activity. Hope you are ok, I know how scary this can be.

BelleDameSansMerci Sat 20-Aug-11 16:33:34

Suggest you speak with the police again and reference this legislation.

You might also find this helpful.

inatrance Sat 20-Aug-11 16:35:07

Do you have any sort of injunction or if not can you get one? Has he assaulted you in the past?

There ARE anti stalking laws and you DO have a right to live without being harassed, especially if you have reason to be concerned about attack. Please don't be put off contacting the police, it sounds like you were unlucky enough to find crap ones but some are more sympathetic than others, definitely worth trying again.

Trust your instincts, keep a note of everything and can you maybe get some sort of CCTV?

inatrance Sat 20-Aug-11 16:37:07

Sorry just re-read your OP it sounds like you have cameras etc already.

Would definitely still advise contacting the police again though.

GypsyMoth Sat 20-Aug-11 16:38:29

have you namechanged.......think i know your situation if so

seriouschanger Sat 20-Aug-11 17:05:37

inatrance Imperial just the law I guess and I need evidence but no ex never hurt me (well not physically) and they said stalking hasnt been committed!? but Police investigating what ds has disclosed. So that is another question as when ex questioned by police ex is going to seek revenge big style...don't want to worry senseless think about that at the moment though. It just happened in slow motion....so have the others iygwim? Never think I will have phone ready for photo!?
lazarusb will document it and hope I am being paranoid?

seriouschanger Sat 20-Aug-11 17:07:19

sorry meant to add Bella to response re stalking bit...thanks Bellasmile

BelleDameSansMerci Sat 20-Aug-11 17:40:57

Do you know, also, if you have a neighbourhood police presence? They often have different number from the main non-emergency police number and, for me, have been good with anti-social stuff. Just wondering if you'd get a more sympathetic hearing.

I'm always surprised this kind of thing isn't taken more seriously. sad

seriouschanger Sat 20-Aug-11 17:45:37

It was the pc for my area that said it wasn't stalking Bella shock

I think CPU are looking at the 'whole' pic now? Maybe not? Don't know? But they are aware of the attacks even though I reported something else. I will soon know in couple wks when they visit.

BelleDameSansMerci Sat 20-Aug-11 17:47:15

How helpful hmm of him!

BelleDameSansMerci Sat 20-Aug-11 17:48:07

Hope things are ok in the meantime (and after, of course).

HerHissyness Sat 20-Aug-11 17:52:07

I've said this before, I'll say it again.

YOU NEED TO MOVE....! grin

Put your house up for rent and rent somewhere else, this situation is harming YOU and your DS.

Please?

seriouschanger Sat 20-Aug-11 18:14:45

shock I KNOW shock I thought I was being clever changing as I can't be the only one with this story <sigh>

Sadly you are always right HHsad I have done a lot of sorting to it over last week got rid of all HE stuff left...and house next door sold 2 weeks ago....I will put it up in 2 weeks when I am back from ds treatment. Can't wait to go tomorrow to have a peaceful few nights sleep before returning for long BH wkd <sigh> but <yippee> back off after BH for rest of week for more sleep smile

HerHissyness Sat 20-Aug-11 18:24:37

he he he, you can namechange, but you can't hide from Hissy! grin grin

When you go away tomorrow, I want you to lie back for a moment, when the house is still and quiet and I want you to think about how you feel right there and then, in a different place, one where he is not going to know where you are, and savour the feeling of KNOWING that there is no-one outside watching you. Can you do that? Enjoy the feeling, welcome it into your life, taste it!

Grab hold of that feeling, it is your RIGHT to feel that, every single day, every second of every single day. The vast majority of US feel it all the time, why not you? what did YOU do to deserve having your peace of mind taken from you, what crime did you commit to have some scrote sit waiting outside your house, watching, thinking god knows what. How long is this sentence? When ARE you going to be released? By the sounds of it, you have been put on a life sentence by this monster. Well TIME TO TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK LOVE!

When you get back from your time away, get your house in order, literally! Talk to the agent about selling it, or if it'll take a while, then rent it out and use yours to pay for rent on a new place. Don't let anything stand in your way until you get that FREE, AT PEACE and SAFE feeling back again.

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Aug-11 18:50:15

I would be looking at changing my name legally, OP, and moving somewhere very far away.

seriouschanger Sun 21-Aug-11 09:14:58

I will do and I do understand what you mean HerHissy as felt like it on mini holiday last month. Thank you for the advice and re evaluate my 'prison'. Looking forward to going...it is the coming back I hate.
Imperial never really thought that far but I may need to if criminal proceedings happen for protection.

Mitmoo Sun 21-Aug-11 09:25:19

Sorry I don't think name changing and moving will help because he is the father he can apply to the courts to try to find out where his son lives to get contact orders etc. to see him. It will just start again.

I don't know the back story though just coming to this fresh.

I'd go to B&Q and set yourself a video cam so you can get evidence. Don't bother with the "normal" bobbies, most stations have domestic violence specialists, go and see them, they are really helpful. Try to track down where the local refuges are so that you have somewhere to go.

Has the ex gone for contact orders with the child or is he likely to? How would he react if you left, would he just give up?

GloriaVanderbilt Sun 21-Aug-11 09:43:42

Exactly Mitmoo unless you actually do it properly and get yourself off any sort of directory or register then he will find you very easily, and he can anyway if he goes through official channels.

You really need the DV people onside and this is harrassment. He is not allowed to do this. He just thinks he can get away with it.

Ask the police if you can talk to their DV unit, who will be on your side and heard it all before and know what to do. Until you get them on your side you'll have no recourse to protection.

Womens aid is also brill and can get you sorted out legally as well...they will get it all in hand for you if you call them.

HerHissyness Sun 21-Aug-11 09:55:24

Mitmoo, she HAS CCTV installed, the guy has firebombed her home in the past. AFAIK he IS supposed to stay away from her.

OP, with the evidence you have, you can get protection from the courts. Take back your life. Protect your DS.

Mitmoo Sun 21-Aug-11 10:45:47

Thanks for the extra information Hissy, how long ago did he firebomb the bomb the house, what happened to him? What orders are in place for him to stay away from her. Sorry I am new to this part of MNs and don't have any history. Thanks.

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