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FIL causing problems in marriage

(6 Posts)
Runlolarun Sat 20-Aug-11 05:00:43

My marriage has been in trouble for a number of months, following a particularly unpleasant affair (mutual friend, major overseas move, the usual!) I have been on anti depressants since this whole sorry saga unfolded and we have been having counselling and making great strides, or so I thought. I recently saw a conversation between my husband and his father. FIL was saying that if it all kicked off again, my H could use the fact that I had 'mental issues' to get out of supporting me financially and could even get custody of DC. I shouldn't really pay it any heed as his father is a particularly odious character that abandoned his wife and kids and is just generally an ignorant twat. What has hurt me though is that my H didn't tell him to fuck off and mind his own business, he just said don't say that in case Runlolarun finds out. This has devastated me again as I just feel he has too much hidden still. I don't think he is making plans to leave as he is the one fighting more for us than I am. I just feel particularly betrayed. I know I shouldn't worry about stupid ignorant FIL, but I wish H had just told him to fuck the fuck off.

gettingagrip Sat 20-Aug-11 09:12:30

I had to answer this.

My ex-H had to pay me MORE because of my MH issues. Probably due to the fact that he made them worse! And they all threaten to take the DC.

Why would someone who abandoned his own children be bothered about getting custody? Bonkers.

Judges are not stupid and they have seen it all before. Can you go to a solicitor and find out your rights? That will make you feel a bit better.

Keep your chin up xxx

FabbyChic Sat 20-Aug-11 09:54:44

You don;t lose children because you have depression. And he cannot pay you less because of it, what total utter nonsense. I'd tell your DH you saw the conversation and tell him how much it has upset you.

buzzsore Sat 20-Aug-11 13:00:03

I'm not surprised you feel betrayed and set-back by this - your dh let you down there - he should have said something like he was determined to make it work between the two of you and that he'd never use your depression against you in any case, because he loves you. Not just basically shushed his dad down. It perhaps shows a weakness of character, (although in fairness, it's not easy to confront parents).

Anyway, what his dad was saying was bollocks.

You might want to bring it up in counselling, how hurt you are by it and why dh didn't put him straight, didn't stick up for you.

HerHissyness Sat 20-Aug-11 15:04:41

Yes, I'D tell the H that I'd seen it too and that I was seriously PISSED off with him and that FIL would never, EVER darken my door again, or if he did, I'd tell him exactly what I thought of his little conversation.

Runlolarun Sat 20-Aug-11 19:39:13

Thank you for your responses. I know that what FIL was saying is all bollocks. I just cannot believe my H didn't stick up for me. Not one person in my family has said anything horrible about H (at least to my face!!) during this horrible horrible year. It also makes me wonder if H is talking/plotting with others. I just hate how the whole affair has made me paranoid and unable to trust.

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