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What happens now? :-(

(11 Posts)
foreveryours Fri 19-Aug-11 16:46:27

Well we drove back from Wales yesterday at about 7am and returned home about 10.30. Jumped into bed as we were shattered. DP fell asleep but I just couldn't sleep. Decided to check his fb after knowing his password for months and never logging in once. Well he was having a conversation the other night whilst we were in Wales, when I was sleeping, with some Romanian girl. He was telling her how beautiful and sexy she is. Asking her what size her breasts were and for photos etc... I told I checked his fb and he admitted to messaging her. He said the usual 'it never meant anything' 'it's just flirting' blah blah blah

I'm a flirt but I don't go around asking men how big their winkles are.

I'm so hurt right now and as much as I love him and want to be with him I don't see how I'm going to forget what he was saying to that girl....I have body issues being so slim and having no curves whatsoever. Reading the messages my DP sent to that girl has just fuelled these insecurities. So what do I do now??


RockyB Fri 19-Aug-11 17:17:32

God, this is awful, I feel so sorry for you. What an idiot! And why was he doing it when you were on holiday ffs!

You two are going to need some BIG discussions over the next few days, but just to wish you lots of luck and a big hug. You deserve to be angry and upset with him,.... and he owes you some big answers.

SenoritaViva Fri 19-Aug-11 17:20:10

It sounds like there is a break down of trust between you. What made you snoop on his FB, clearly you suspected something? What does he want? Is he apologetic and wanting to rebuild your relationship? If so, then I think you should probably go to couselling to help you through this.

SheCutOffTheirTails Fri 19-Aug-11 17:24:22

Do you have children?

If not, why stick around?

Helping a sleazy dickhead see the error of his ways is pretty thankless unless you've a lot invested in the relationship (and I don't mean time).

foreveryours Fri 19-Aug-11 18:29:32

I told him to pack his stuff and leave, he broke down and cries his heart out. Told me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. He said it was just stupid flirty messages and meant nothing. He said he'd never do it again he never wanted to hurt me. He don't know why he said them things to her. I always trusted him I never thought he'd cheat on mr and I don't think he would, but how could I fully trust him now? Our relationship was perfect before I snooped in his fb, I don't know why I did, I've known his password for months. We've been together a year and I have an 8yr old son from a previous relationship who gets on great with my DP. Should I try and sort this out? I love him so much and I would hate for something like this to distroy us. I've spoken to a male friend and he quite bluntly put it down to 'masterbation' and fantasies as this girl is complete opposite to me, great body massive boobs whereas I'm skinny and flatchested....apparently it means nothing and is just a man thing....
But it kills me knowing my DP is 'activly' seeking out these fantasies. Porn I can handle but sending messages to another woman? sad

Doha Fri 19-Aug-11 18:35:07

He cried because he got caught--nothing more nothing less
This messaging would have continued if you hadn't checked his FB. Why did you check his FB, there must have been something niggling away at the back of your brain.
Only you can now if you can move on from this.

Jemma1111 Fri 19-Aug-11 18:40:21

Op - I'd be spitting feathers's if I were you. As you say, he has obviously actively looked for women on FB, this woman is real life and not just someone from a magazine.

You also need to think about what he would do if she wanted to come over here and meet up with him. I don't know your husband but my guess is that he would arrange to see her and, well you can guess the rest.

Sorry, but be wary of your dh.

HerHissyness Fri 19-Aug-11 18:44:15

You have no kids with this clown, he has blown it!

Kick him out.

IF he wants to prove his commitment to you he will. If you allow this to go by without any consequences for his actions, he will give himself permission to do it again, and again and again... and perhaps he'll arrange to meet one of them...

Short sharp shock time. If he rises to the challenge, GREAT! you will have a good man there, if he doesn't, then you have got rid of a cheating, lying bastard, and sent a clear message to your DS NOT to treat women like that.

ImperialBlether Fri 19-Aug-11 19:01:41

Get rid of him. He's done that while you're sleeping next to him? Totally unacceptable.

perfumedlife Sat 20-Aug-11 01:33:18

So, the relationship was perfect, in it's first year, the shagging year, you are on holiday together and as you sleep next to him he is asking another woman for naked pics.

He's for the dump.

garlicbutter Sat 20-Aug-11 04:02:21

I agree. You're worth rather more than half a relationship, while the other half of him plays out 'what-if' games with other women online.

Plus, I think, your "friend" - who reckons it's okay to seek alternative sex with some unknown woman, as long as she hasn't got the same body shape as you shockconfused - has some seriously fucked-up values, and probably isn't that good of a friend after all.

You need some proper you-time after all this, lovely. Who have you got to give you hugs and pampers? Sisters can be good. Best female friends? Don't be afraid to call on them. Take care.

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