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Need some hand holding.Am I moving on at last ?

(20 Posts)
piranhamorgana Thu 18-Aug-11 20:43:12

Lots of other threads re this.

My house move could be about to happen.I have arranged a second mortgage,begged and borrowed and used all my scant savings for a deposit,and am able to buy before I sell.It looks like I could complete on this on Monday,maybe move next Fri.

So the dc will be in the new area in time for term to start.

I am terrified and paralysed with anxiety and fear.The financial decisions and responsibilities seem enormous and I am alone with them.The older 4 dc are away at their dads' from Saturday,leaving me and baby dd.I am not properly packed yet.

But the big thing is that,having wanted this for so long,and although I can still see all the reasons and still feel them,too,I am terrified .

Last year,after what happened with xNp,I seemed to have so much energy and enthusiasm for everything.I felt like I had been given my life back,and I wanted to give the dc the best summer ever.I know I over compensated out of guilt at having allowed him into their lives and let some of our rules slip.We had great times and went all over the place.

Now,my energy seems to have gone and I am tired and frightened.I have made mistakes in the past,but have always valued my energy and ability to dust myself down and move on.Now I am actually moving,at last,I am stuck in self doubt,fear and bad memories.And guilt.
And,sorry,self pity,too.I know I should count my blessings and in reality am actually safe and not experiencing trauma.

So why do I feel so slowed up and miserable.And how will I get it all done and stay smiling?

garlicbutter Thu 18-Aug-11 21:40:22

OMG! How exciting!!

And, yes, I do feel for you PM. I still struggle with waves of helpless inertia. It's the back-flow from the tide of adrenalin that fuelled your dysfunctional relationships and, as you say, kept up your energies as you made your changes. You body actually needs to rest and readjust - but I wish I knew how to mange the timing of the 'downs'!

Knowing why you feel so forlorn, you might be able to find a kick of adrenalin to get you going for your house move. I strongly recommend calling in help if possible, though. I gave my lovely removal men an extra £100 to finish my packing; probably better if you don't leave it until moving day like I did blush

piranhamorgana Thu 18-Aug-11 22:10:46

Thanks ,garlicbutter. I think you're right.
Years of "highs and lows" fuelled by unhealthy and often abusive nonsense ,which was followed by dramatic and "romantic" making-up....eeww..

Trouble is,I now realise how my own responses actually fed and fuelled a lot of that. I am actually not that good at regulating my own emotions...unless in response to total chaos.I think I actually need a "rock bottom" to respond to,before my coping response kicks in.

Yuck.

garlicbutter Thu 18-Aug-11 22:31:21

Since I'm still the same - much of the time, anyway - I can't offer you much in the way of help to get yourself going, PM. The truth is you need to be 'going' as little as possible, really, so it's more a matter of getting the world to fit round you while you readjust, iyswim ...

You've pulled off an incredible feat, getting the house you wanted against all the odds! No wonder you're exhausted. Please don't even think of downplaying your achievement; you deserve as much self-congratulation as you can muster and then some more smile

It isn't necessary to be 'excited' about the move; just be pleased you're doing it and proceed calmly. With a sense of quiet pride. If you've got to pack up your houseful of amazing stuff and five kids, then unpack it all the other end, some practical help will certainly be in order. That's not being 'weak' or anything else - rich people don't even touch their own stuff when they move! I would suggest, if you can afford it, using your removal people's packing service. If you can't, plead and cajole like I did (but in advance.) Another avenue might be a domestic agency: see if they can send you a strong Mrs/Mr Organised for a full day. Having someone working with you will probably help you keep going yourself.

Is this the house with the wonderful view? It's going to be so great when you're actually inside it, with your VERY OWN front door SHUT and a chip supper en famille smile smile

piranhamorgana Thu 18-Aug-11 22:55:17

Hmm, yes...I should do that,pay a removal company.I have been planning to hire a bedford and drive myself,with some local lads doing the lifting...maybe I will get on the phone with my remaining credit card in the morning.

It is the house with the wonderful view.And it is lovely inside.I will have my own bathroom!!!! Although tons of my lovely stuff wont fit in anywhere,and I have to shift furniture elsewhere - and am stuffed locally,due to xp and my dealings with the sales/flea markets ( he is still out there and will b****r my bids)...shit I have no fight left.

Thanks for your wise and grounding words,gb. I just have to "be" and "do",for as long as it takes.No more fight or flight. Got to practise what I preach and be mindful.

Sigh.Major transition.Boring(but necessary).

garlicbutter Thu 18-Aug-11 23:08:16

I think I'll make one of my wall posters with your last sentence there, PM wink

HerHissyness Thu 18-Aug-11 23:11:37

PM, huge congratulations there love! well done for getting yourself so sorted!

you are really inspirational!

Anniegetyourgun Fri 19-Aug-11 09:30:45

Oh, lovely, you're going to be so glad you did it, and I'm so glad it was that house you particularly fancied. It's not surprising it all feels a bit too much though. Look on the bright side: if you respond best to chaos, moving house and the aftermath thereof should be quite chaotic enough to keep you at your peak. Something will go wrong at the last minute, it always does. There, I hope that helps!

thisishowifeel Fri 19-Aug-11 09:44:50

Oh PM well done you!!!!!!

Garlic is right....get others to help, and pay if necessary. It's traumatic enough to move, but doing it all yourself is terribly ambitious. As for the extra stuff, there's loads of relatively cheap storage places these days. Hey it's only money! Hmmm. gulp.

Your OWN bathroom!!!!! Cor, how brilliant is that.

Mt strategy for these things, from smear tests to moving house....just take a deep breath, and just go through the motions, until it's done.

I think that the familiarity of the dysfunctional, and the utter unknown of the healthy future, is what keeps us in "weirdworld". But for you, and me, it's too late, there is no choice but to plough on into the unknown and that is terrifying.

I like to compare it to Frodo Baggins...is that silly? Hobbits love thier familiarity too, but some of them go on amazing adventures too.

Enjoy being Frodo, then sit in your OWN bathroom and think how bloody amazing you are!!!

xxxx

piranhamorgana Fri 19-Aug-11 11:25:16

Gulp....just transferred stupid money through cyberspace......

Looking at removal firms online.

Shuffling drifts of "stuff" around and trying to put things into bags.Waiting for a delivery of more boxes.

Thanks for the support smile you are all lovely !

Bear with me...this virtual world is my last remaining refuge for now,until I am out and in.....

piranhamorgana Fri 19-Aug-11 11:30:05

thisis- love the Hobbit comparison.....me and my brother,when aged about six and four, used to escape into a make believe game where I was Bilbo and he was Frodo...and our Dad was Smorg.....

I really want to learn how to know when I'm experiencing stuff outside weirdworld....that's my next mission....when I'm in my new place.

garlicbutter Fri 19-Aug-11 11:46:32

I really want to learn how to know when I'm experiencing stuff outside weirdworld - Wow, yes! When you find out, will you share it please?

And - yet again, because you deserve it - well done!!!! smile smile smile smile

piranhamorgana Fri 19-Aug-11 17:51:40

Right,ok;the sellers husband has gone away to football and therefore can't sign until Tuesday.
So,Tuesday 30th is my moving date.
Breath in,breath out.

Hope this is the last minute bit,Annie......

I am now thinking I will maybe take off for the weekend and perhaps Mon,Tues..while the dc are away...me and baby dd,dog (... and friend..)
Then pick it all up again at the end of next week.

This house is chaos and doesn't feel like home.

thisishowifeel Fri 19-Aug-11 20:23:28

It's probably good that it doesn't feel like home....the new house is home.

Yes go...I would...if only 'cos you can!!!!

In much admiration PM!!!!!!!
xx

garlicbutter Fri 19-Aug-11 20:41:55

Yep, have the break smile

It's your ex-home (so, chaos appropriate.)

xx

piranhamorgana Mon 29-Aug-11 20:53:18

Well,I had a lovely few days away,pretending life was really stress-free.

Only thing was,we didn't exchange after all.Someone was still not there to sign.
Solicitor says I am ready to exchange and complete same day.Plan is for this to be tomorrow.But due to the bank holiday,I won't know until tomorrow,anyway.

So here we are;me 4 dc,baby and dog,with little more than a ribbon- width strip of floor throughout the house for us to weave along ,past the boxes and bin-bags. Mattresses on the floor,freezer defrosted.TV and PC dismantled,weekend bags of clothes and toothbrushes.Tempers very fraught.

The dc have been asking all weekend : "Will it be Tuesday? When will we know? What happens if it isn't?"

I have no answers. It is so hard being the grown up all the time.

I am posting just in case we are still no nearer this time tomorrow.Setting myself up with a place to howl!

If we get there,I will be mn-ing via my phone for a while!

TimeForMeIsFree Mon 29-Aug-11 21:07:26

I've been lurking but am delurking to say I am so excited for you! A whole new life awaits you, a complete fresh start. I tomorrow IS the day and I hope the move all goes well. Good luck to you smile x

piranhamorgana Thu 08-Sep-11 10:03:51

We are here! This morning I have dropped babydd off at her new nursery,walked dd3 and ds to their new school and waved dd's 1 and 2 off on the bus to their new school. I am back to work tomorrow . I got the keys last Tuesday at 5pm. I took two carloads of bedding and kitchen things over, and we "camped" in our new house until the removal van brought everything else on Friday. We haven't stopped except to sleep since then! But it looks like home here at last,although there is still a lot to do.The sale of my old house is still not through and ,although a friend is renting it, I still have lots to sort out there - haven't emptied the garage yet,it is full of boxes which need to come here. There is also a lot of furniture which wont't fit here which I need to sell. I am so glad to have left that house and all the memories. I realise how much stuff I have that I don't really need. I have felt like throwing most of it away and am planning to get rid of loads. We don't need it. The views from our back windows and garden are spectacular.Our neighbours all seem very friendly and welcoming. The shopping centre is ten minutes away. The big city is 20 miles down the road. This is our home now and the start of our new life. Today ,I am going to cwtch up in bed - which faces a huge picture window looking over the valley- and reflect.

piranhamorgana Thu 08-Sep-11 10:05:50

Have no landline/broadband til next week so am posting on my phone - sorry about the lack of paragraphs!

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Thu 08-Sep-11 11:03:00

I'm really happy for you, piranhamorgana.
Hooray for new beginnings!

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