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Update on my thread 'in my early 30s and will never have sex again'

(13 Posts)
GetOrfMoiSamsungFridgeFreezer Wed 17-Aug-11 20:54:21

Just a quick update to all those of you were so lovely, helpful and kind.

If you didn't see it me and DH were having problems with zero sex drive and his complete unwillingness to talk about it.

He finally unclammed - he actually was pretty heartbroken sad. He had been on anti depressants for some time (felt he couldn't tell me as I had a lot on my plate) due to feeling utterly rough and a complete failure. We have had a tough couple of years - we lost in excess of £60k when the recession hit (a contractor who owed him a lot of money went bust owing him loads) and we had to really tighten our belts badly. We are all right now but earning levels are not nearly the same (construction) and has felt he has worked for years for nothing.

Anyway, all that and he has just felt a general 'what is the point' which I never even considered because he has always been a glass half full person.

Anyway, we have finally talked about all this. I have had my own fun and games to deal with so it has not been easy at ALL. Just pressures of modern life I suppose, but at least he ha agreed we need to bloody sort it. He does love me, and we are both going to counselling separately in order to try and resolve it, if that goes well we will go to joint counselling.

He started to talk actually because I got to the end of my tether and was crying, and dd asked me what was up, and I said that I was unhappy and thinking of splitting with dp. She was utterly distraught, begged me not to split up with dp. I got very upset and spoke to dp when she had gone to bed, said that I was at the end, dd would be heartbroken, and to bloody TALK.

Since then we have been a lot better together - we are kind of making a conscious effort to do things together, and to appreciate each other. I love him very dearly and I feel, fingers crossed, that we can work this out.

Thanks to all those who listened to my ranting a couple of months ago.

GetOrfMoiSamsungFridgeFreezer Wed 17-Aug-11 20:56:56

Oh, and yes we did have sex.

It was a bloody disaster though because the kitten did a running jump in the middle of it and went for dp's nipple hmm

Roared with laughter and had dd bang on the bedroom wall and tell us to shurrup. blush grin

All very rusty but so so much better.

Malificence Wed 17-Aug-11 20:58:48

Onwards and upwards from here then. smile

MrsDraper Wed 17-Aug-11 21:01:25

That's great news.

Hardgoing Wed 17-Aug-11 21:03:50

Life is so hard at the moment for so many people due to the recession, I really feel for you. Money worries are terrible and make people feel awful and relationships do suffer. I do agree though that keeping talking is the key and reaffirming that you are in it together, it will make both of you feel so much better as you are finding.

malinkey Wed 17-Aug-11 22:21:35

That's great news - well not the antidepressants and financial issues obviously - but good that you're talking at last.

Fingers crossed it all works out for you.

RedAmberGreen Wed 17-Aug-11 22:26:05

I was just thinking about you GetOrf, I saw you on another thread and I wondered how you were getting on and then I saw this thread grin

Really pleased to hear things are better, I've probably name changed since your last thread smile

confidence Wed 17-Aug-11 22:27:18

Onwards and upwards from here then.

Not if the kitten has anything to do with it. shock

AnyFucker Wed 17-Aug-11 22:29:24

Pleased to read this GetOrf

Keep us posted won't you, not in a pervy way well, alright then

GetOrfMoiSamsungFridgeFreezer Wed 17-Aug-11 23:00:12

Thanks everyone grin

Financially we are absiltely hunky dory now, when we were really up against it he was a tower of strength, I imagine it is a delated reaction to all the stress.

He has been so distraught and thank god he started to talk about it instead of bloody clamming up.

We have been so much happier, and calmer. <fingers crossed with the onwards and (ahem) upwards>

<saucy look at anyf grin >

HellonHeels Thu 18-Aug-11 11:33:46

I remember your thread (didn't post because didn't have anything to add at that point). I felt for you. You're a brave woman. I'm very pleased to hear you've made a breakthrough - long may it continue.

Ormirian Thu 18-Aug-11 11:47:34

Good new getorf smile

Poledra Thu 18-Aug-11 12:03:00

Oh good news, GetOrf - I have been wondering how you two were doing, but didn't want to pry.

Fingers crossed for you both - you're on the right path now.

It really all fits with what you've said about him - I imagine he 'measures his worth' by his success at work, and providing for his family, when his worth can be measured in so many other ways.

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