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WWYD in this situation?

(10 Posts)
difficultone Wed 17-Aug-11 12:01:06

My Dh has always been a bit insecure and paranoid and at various points through our relationship has taken to accusing me of having a relationship of some sort with a.n.other. This is catagorically not true and has never happened.

Anyway, he has started again and is accusing me of doing things that I haven't. I don't want to go into specifics as it would be obvious who I am if someone who knew me read this. My question is this, what do you do with someone who is making things up that haven't happened and insists that they are true? I am being made to feel guilty about things I haven't done and it's truely driving me mad. How do you prove your innocence when there is no way to do so? I am already starting to modify my behaviour to appease him and actually I am resentful about this and have told him so.

I am tired of his behaviour and have told him I am not prepared to live like this but I don't really want to leave. These 'flare ups' happen every say 4-5 years but are very intense and the fallout lasts a long time.

Any advice other than to leave?

Katisha Wed 17-Aug-11 12:21:17

I would maybe book Relate? And say if he doesnt come you WILL leave.

HairyGrotter Wed 17-Aug-11 12:24:58

I'd wonder if he was doing the dirty tbh

AKissIsNotAContract Wed 17-Aug-11 12:30:37

Agree with hairy, I'd think be was trying to distract from his own infidelity

difficultone Wed 17-Aug-11 15:24:56

I have wondered that myself but don't think it's the case. He seems genuinely distraught at what he thinks I might be up too.

He has arranged to go and see a counsellor on his own as he thinks he is depressed. I am sitting here thinking that he is just going to tell her all the things he thinks I have been doing.

ShoutyBag Wed 17-Aug-11 15:55:25

Has he any reason to feel suspicious towards you, or insecure because of an infidelity, breach of trust? Could he have seen an email/facebook/friends reunited and got the wrong end of the stick, and now feels threatened by this?

He may be insanely jealous, and is doing the right thing by going to talk to someone about it. Just reassure him, keep reassuring him, even if repeating yourself until blue in the face.

Sn0wGoose Wed 17-Aug-11 16:53:20

Jeremy Kyle? grin (j/k)

difficultone Wed 17-Aug-11 17:07:12

Shouty, he thinks I'm being secretive, I use my Iphone for MNing when in front of the tele for instance (and have done for a looong time) and suddenly he thinks I am texting or messaging someone so my behaviour hasn't changed but his view of it has IYSWIM?

JK?? Blimey are we that bad?! grin

CheeseandPickledOnion Wed 17-Aug-11 17:28:31

God I went through years of this. To the point he believed a friend of his friend, who had never actually met me, when they said they had seen me in another town than where I was. In the end I used to have to produce receipts to account for my time when I was out of the house.

He believed every little thing he made up in his mind. As far as I'm concerned this is mental abuse. Either you go for councelling together (otherwise the picture won't be complete) or you leave or you put up with it. If he cycles through this and you keep putting up with it, nothing will change and I bet the cycles get less and less time apart.

I totally understand the horrible pressue this puts on you, and it really is too much for someone to cope with.

ShoutyBag Wed 17-Aug-11 17:55:17

If he is very insecure, then that could be enough to push him over the edge. Do you leave the phone open, say when you go to the loo, or take it with you. Have you talked to him at length about all of this, or does he just 'put up with you' and kick off when it all gets too much? which is when it all comes out.

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