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Bad relationship - should i just cut my losses.

(2 Posts)
roseyposeysmum Wed 17-Aug-11 10:50:58

I have an awful relationship with my mum

To cut a long story short - she left us at home with a abusive alcoholic father while she ran off to her parents because she couldn't cope, she went on holiday and left me for 2 weeks with him etc.

This caused a barrier at the time but since having my dd - i now just cannot understand how anybody could leave their children in danger.

Anyhow - i split up with dd dad last year and fell out with my sister at the same time as he tried it on with her. Leading to a big family split. My mum took my sisters side and has since told me what a horrible person i am, i am a bad mother etc.

Yet still there is a little bit of me that tries to please her. I am coming round the the thinking i should just cut my losses and run, she keeps in contact with my ex because she is obsessed with my dd - you would think she is the parent not me, but she does this behind my back thinking i will not find out when she is babysitting etc.

The last straw was the weekend when i took my dd to see her for an hour and she came out with the comment that - it's a shame your mummy doesn't put you first like i always have done with her.

My daughter is my life i wokr 60 hours a week to make sure we cope etc, it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I want her out of my life - she can contact my ex to arrange seeing my dd and i want nothing more to do with her i think.

Does any of this make sense

siucra Wed 17-Aug-11 13:25:54

Hello roseyposeysmum,
Of course you can break off with your mum.
Dealing with her and her issues is stopping you from putting your own needs first - and your daughter's.
It would be a relief just to have a break from her, I am sure. Give yourself a rest from all that family s**t and know that you do not have to have them - any of them - in your life, if it is not working for you.
You sound like a wonderful mother so don't let others drain you of energy or drag you back into age-old family patterns. You have to keep sane!
Oh and have you thought about psychotherapy - it's a way of valuing yourself and telling yourself that you are important enough. Which you are!
And that thing about wanting to try and please her - that's totally normal and all part of the incredible power our parents have over us. The thing is to realise that there is nothing you can do about that (that may always be there - or it may not) but you can choose whether you want her in your life or not.
Good luck!

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