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feeling threatened by STBXH after events yesterday

(18 Posts)
hariboegg Tue 16-Aug-11 10:42:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elastamum Tue 16-Aug-11 10:49:31

Poor you. It is none of his business how you live your life. You need to make it clear that you will not tolerate this behaviour so he doesnt think he can get away with bullying you. I would consult your solicitor, get them to write to him and tell him you will get a restraining order if he does it again. My ex came to the house a couple of times and was really disrespectful so I wrote to him explaining that if he did it again I wouldnt let over the threshold. Not surprsingly he stopped

elastamum Tue 16-Aug-11 10:50:16

Is there soemone who can be in the house with you when he picks DS up?

ShoutyHamster Tue 16-Aug-11 10:54:57

Pick up your DS, then contact him afterwards.

Make it utterly clear that your life is now your business, and if he behaves threateningly towards you again you will call the police.

State that he has a responsibility to his DS to keep his emotions under control. Make it VERY clear that one thing you will do, without hesitation, if he displays violent or threatening behaviour towards you again will be to stop contact, and he can go to court to get it back. He does NOT GET to behave like this and be treated as a responsible, loving parent. Would he be happy, as his son's parent, entrusting his son to someone who had recently displayed erratic, intimidating behaviour? No, and neither do you. Make him see the link between him behaving like this and losing the good co-parenting relationship that you both have.

Nip this very very firmly in the bud RIGHT NOW and you will hopefully have no more problems. Make it clear that you will not respond to any demand of his, but will go straight to the police and solicitors to deal with what you see as a problem of harassment. Mention harassment in the context of him hanging around in the car and following your boyfriend. Hopefully it will give him the shake he needs.

Finally make it clear that nothing he says or does will affect the way you lead your life, and any intimidation will ONLY impact on him.

hariboegg Tue 16-Aug-11 11:00:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elastamum Tue 16-Aug-11 11:01:28

Agree with shouty here, you need to get tough so he understands he cannot bully you.

elastamum Tue 16-Aug-11 11:02:55

He wants to control you so he is making your life difficult. You can live your life anyway you please and the sooner he understands that to better

Silence Tue 16-Aug-11 11:03:57

what does STBXH mean?

hariboegg Tue 16-Aug-11 11:05:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hariboegg Tue 16-Aug-11 11:08:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hariboegg Tue 16-Aug-11 11:11:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

welshbyrd Tue 16-Aug-11 12:10:32

STBXH - Soon To Be Ex-Husband hariboegg

Agree with other posters, he is bullying, you know him better than us, so if you think its best to wait a day or two to see if he calms down[must have been a shock to him, no excuse though], if he flames up again, contact a solicitor, You are free to do/date who you please!!!

welshbyrd Tue 16-Aug-11 12:12:01

Sorry explanation of STBXH was meant for Silence.

welshbyrd Tue 16-Aug-11 12:14:39

Also, Its a bit worrying your STBXH is parked outside your house at 4.30 in the morning, I would consider checking outside your house each night,if he is there contact the police, that's not normal behavior

abbscrosswoman Tue 16-Aug-11 12:24:39

At best your STBXH has acted in a one-off state of emotional turmoil......at worst he is on a downward spiral that could lead to something really nasty.

It seems to me that, unfortunately, STBXH does have some control over your life because he is paying mortgage.

Has the financial side of your divorce been settled ?

hariboegg Tue 16-Aug-11 13:22:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldbrass Tue 16-Aug-11 14:39:44

OK, the first thing you need to accept and revel in is the fact that your life is NONE OF THIS MAN'S BUSINESS. You can sleep with every man in the neighbourhood if you want to. Your STBXH has no control over you, he is not your owner, you do not have to take his viewpoint into account over anything.
However, he is not going to be reasonable, so the sooner you involve the police and a solicitor the better. Abusive men are not reasonable. They think that because you are 'only a woman' they get to do what they like with you: this is why it's important to minimize contact between an XP like this and yourself, formalize everything and don't be afraid to use the full weight of the law to keep these men in their place.

mamas12 Tue 16-Aug-11 16:49:14

I think you sound as if you need more back up so to speak as in knowing your rights.
Phome womens aid and they will be explain things for you. Get yourself to a solicitor asap and get their advice. You don't need to send him a letter yet. Just need to get your facts straight in your head.
Knowledge is power and he is trying it on
Don't be bullied by him anymore.
ps good luck with NM

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