I?ve been feeling so unhappy lately that I thought I?d look for some reassurance on here. For a variety of reasons I seem to have arrived at the age of 40 with no proper friends ? by which I mean people who straightforwardly like me; who phone up; who want to spend time with me; who I feel relaxed and happy with. I can?t even imagine how it would feel to have a really good group of friends. I desperately envy people who do have this.
I missed various chances ? without realising how catastrophic it would be to my life & well-being ? to make and maintain friendships. I didn?t really get, along the way, that these were important times (university, for example) and that I would not get endless chances to meet people in a way that was likely to be lasting. Worse, I messed up many friendships that I did have ? hard to explain why or how - but various people who might have been lasting friends have been lost along the wayside.
Since having children, I have made one or two friends, and was really happy to have met one particular friend who seemed to like me and we had a laugh together. She has tons of friends though, and things have petered off over the last couple of years ? it?s me who suggests meeting up, and although she often agrees I would like her to text occasionally so that I feel like she really would like to have my company.
The worst thing for me is that my self-esteem has taken such a battering because of this that I?m worried that I will not be able to be a friend anyway - who wants an insecure slightly desperate new friend? I feel like this doesn?t match my actual personality, but it is an insidious change which I battle off but which is tiring.
I?m worried that my relationship with my dh will suffer. I wish I could just get on with enjoying him and my dcs, and just not worry about the other stuff but my brain relentlessly thinks about how few people actually give a toss where I am, how I am, or what I do, that it?s exhausting.
I tried the toddler group approach, and I?m on a committee for my dd?s school -I try to stay positive and get ?out there?
I posted on here a couple of years ago about this, so apologies if this rings bells! As you can see, it?s no better.
Thanks for reading ? I?ll check later if anyone responds ? got to look after dcs now!
Although my dh knows, I can?t bring myself to say to him how unhappy I feel ? it wrenched at my stomach all day yesterday but I didn?t say anything, asI feel so humiliated & I can?t bear for him to pity me.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
The old no-friends chestnut...
specialsmasher · 16/08/2011 06:57
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