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has anyone had any success with relate counselling?

(9 Posts)
HelloTeapot Sun 14-Aug-11 14:51:31

Me and p are on a seperation. We have had so much happen over the last 2 years and we have hit a brick wall. He doesn't feel he loves me any more and I have a lot of issues I need to correct.

We have agreed that for our sakes and for dd that we will have some time apart and go to relate to see if we sort out everything out and give this our best shot.

Have any of you had success from doing this? Can you tell me what we will we will expect?

I'm going to show this to p so both sides of it would be good.

Tia

counsellingtricks Sun 14-Aug-11 15:13:55

You are taking a positive step to try Relate. I am currently having counselling by a Relate trained counsellor but she now works for herself, not them. I posted here yesterday about something that she did in the session.

However, you will get lots of conflicting experiences here.
Counselling does not always have the outcome of couples staying together. Sometimes it gives you the confidence to part. The whole point of counselling it to help you understand yourself better and to be able to make the right choices and decisions for you.

A lot depends on your counsellor- some might want you both to try to make changes to your behaviour, others might just listen to what you have to say and challenge your beliefs.

I think you just have to go into it with an open mind, and also bear in mind that all counsellors are differnt, so if you don't click with her, try another one. I am on my 2nd as I felt the 1st was a cold fish and whatever she did was not helping at all. I gave her 4 sessions then stopped.

Good luck anyway.

toobusytofunction Sun 14-Aug-11 15:14:56

I can imagine the sessions may vary largely dependant on the counsellor, but I have had around 10 sessions with relate and have been pleasantly surprised overall. I was determined to try counselling to save my marriage, but was sceptical as to how much help it could be. Each session takes about 50 minutes and is steared by the counsellor. They may look back at your family and your past relationships (family and partners) to get you to consider why you each behave the way you do in given circumstances. It is helpful having someone else to mediate when you discuss certain inflamatory subjects, I found.

Ultimately, the sessions have made me feel much better about things. I can see why and how things we have each done and said have been unhelpful. Unfortunately, they have also made me see that under all of our problems, there is no real foundation of love. I can understand him and learn how not to antagonise him, and vice versa, but I can't learn to love him again; I just don't.

I think the sessions are a good step and worth a shot; it is far better to try and fail than to look back and wish you'd given it your all. Just be prepared for the resolution not to be quite what you'd imagined it might be.

HelloTeapot Sun 14-Aug-11 15:58:49

Thanks for your responses, I am not expecting this to be easy by far I'm just hoping it works as splitting up is not what either of us want.

Do you know about the costs atall?

HelloTeapot Sun 14-Aug-11 15:58:49

Thanks for your responses, I am not expecting this to be easy by far I'm just hoping it works as splitting up is not what either of us want.

Do you know about the costs atall?

counsellingtricks Sun 14-Aug-11 17:16:07

Are you going as a couple or separately?

Fees vary from £40-£50 a session, or possibly more- £60- for a couple.

Most counsellors expect you to stick with it for a while- at least 6 sessions.

They will discuss this with you at first session.

I think you have to understand that counselling does not always "fix" a relationship- that is for you and your DH/DP to do.
They can help you understand why it's not working but then it's up to you both to work on it.

They will not tell you what to do ever- so don't go in thinking you will come out with a "shopping list" of behaviour that will make everything okay. it's not like that at all.

Anyway- worth a try.

RockyB Sun 14-Aug-11 17:27:09

Am finding this thread very interesting as I'm also experiencing marital difficulties. I have an Assessment appointment with Relate on Wednesday. I have chosen to go on my own, although I may ask my husband to come with me if I feel it will be worth it subsequently. But initially I want to go on my own to voice all the crappy, nagging, horrible thoughts in my head that are literally driving me insane.

I've been told the Assesment costs £50, plus an initial registration fee of £15. Subesequent sessions are then apparently charged at a rate that is comfortable for you, but how they come to that decision I don't know. I only work part time and don't earn a lot so I'm hoping that they knock it down a bit for me!

Anyway, I'll let you know how I get on!

HelloTeapot Sun 14-Aug-11 17:42:45

Wow that's a lot. I was looking on their site and it says as they are a charity they don't charge to make a profit. Hopefully because we are low income they will have some kind of arrangement.

Rocky that would be good if you could come back and let me no how it goes.

HelloTeapot Sun 14-Aug-11 17:42:45

Wow that's a lot. I was looking on their site and it says as they are a charity they don't charge to make a profit. Hopefully because we are low income they will have some kind of arrangement.

Rocky that would be good if you could come back and let me no how it goes.

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