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dunno what to do any more

(8 Posts)
booboo2010 Sat 13-Aug-11 19:58:22

my fiance was my best friend i was in a violent relationship and he helped me though it. 2 years later we got together and i fell pregnant after use being together 4 3 months. i have just come out of depression aswell. he is a mummys boy has always been spoilt.

when i go out with friends he likes me to call every hour to see how my son is. he moans if i do go out or he will start a random argument.

we are living with his mum i havent got my own keys as of yet were on benifets but he always has the money so if we have an argument before he goes to his work experience he take the keys money fags and phone were both using meaning i cant go out with my son

i have bad problems with my family and in arguments he says go get a family that care and it really hurts me

if he starts an argument infront of my son i tell him to stop shouting or not to swears and he tell me to fuck off and stop telling him what to do

i am really unhappy but sometimes he has his moments were i see my best mate the person i fell in love with but its very rare also i do everything with my son bottles nappys feeds and he does nights my son wakes up at 6:30am has a bottle and lays in bed til 7 then it my goes until 6:30 pm at night but yet he moans if i dont help him at 6:30am to literally give my son his bottle i need some serious advice

booboo2010 Sat 13-Aug-11 19:59:24

and sometime he says hes goin to take me to court and get my son taken off me even though i am the best mum my son can have

spookshowangel Sun 14-Aug-11 08:31:14

if you went some were like a womens charity and told them that he didnt let you have access to money, or keys to your house, who criticised you all they time in front of you child, threatens you with legal action when you dont behave ,they would say that you have traded one abusive man for another.
this kind of abuse can be just as devastating. what are the consequences if you dont phone every hour etc, that is mental controlling behaviour and all about seeing what you are up to and nothing to do with your son.
every thing you said sends shivers down my spine he holds all the power and you are letting him.

pickgo Sun 14-Aug-11 08:40:21

Ah you sound so unhappy.

I think the above poster is right, this is another abusive relationship. Get in touch with Women's Aid and they will give you support. Going on the Freedom programme will help you understand what's going on with emotional abuse and help you avoid it in future.

Be clear about one thing - he can't take your son off you. This is just something he says to try and keep you under his control but it wouldn't happen.

I know that you probably want him to change his attitude and behaviour towards you but it very unlikely he will. Do you want to stay in this relationship with him continuing to treat you like this? What do you want to do?

booboo2010 Sun 14-Aug-11 14:03:37

i generally dont no what to do anymore im so upset all the time but i dont no how to get out of this relationship because of my son he means everything to me and couldnt live without him im hurting so bad i crying this moment i cant talk to any1 about this and when i try and talk to his mum is o u 2 are as bad as eachother but she doesnt see half of it and when he tells her about an argument he will twist the story completly i just cant do this no more i have noboby but my son im onli 19 years old and its just soo hard

buzzsore Sun 14-Aug-11 14:47:50

It's very unlikely your partner would get custody of your son alone: it just doesn't happen like that. Especially while he's so young, the courts etc will lean towards you as the mother. Proving you're an unfit mother is not as easy as your bloke would have you believe.

First up, you need to get out of this abusive situation. Your previous relationship was physically violent, this one you're in now is emotionally violent. He's filling your head with lies and controlling you through taking away money etc. This is not right, it's not normal and it's not what a loving partner does.

Phone Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247, and they will be able to help you make an exit plan.

It sounds drastic, but you could go into a refuge with your child and from there you will be able to set up on your own: the people who work there will help you sort out housing and benefits. Once you're out from this guy's thumb, you'll be able to make a new and better future for yourself.

pickgo Sun 14-Aug-11 15:14:23

You say you don't know how to get out of this relationship because of your son. Right what you need here is proper HELP.

As Buzz says, Women's Aid can give you the help you need. They have solicitors that can advise you about your son. You will NOT lose him.
They can also help with housing and benefits etc.

Do you think you can ring them in private tomorrow Booboo?

spookshowangel Sun 14-Aug-11 15:33:16

well you can sit there crying and tomorrow wont be any different and you can cry then to, or you can get up and do something to make your life different. you are already on benefits it wont be a massive hike it go from a double to a single claim so you wont be in a mess money wise, if you can give the council enough reason to show that he was abusive they will emergency house you, or at least they did with me.
you are 19 thats old enough to take charge of you an your sons life and not be a victim anymore.

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