What do you say to someone whose house is really dirty? I suppose I could just say nothing but it makes me not want to visit which is sad for all of us. I take my children there (can't stop doing that) but even on my own I find it awful and unhygenic and try not to touch surfaces and things.
There are 2 men living there and the oldest does stuff around the house but only certain things. He does vaccum the living room (just the main area not in the corners or between furniture) and he does the washing up and the ironing (obsessively). The younger one does everything under protest and I don't think he does much more then the washing up occassionally.
The are both healthy and fit and I think the problem is that they just don't know what needs doing, how to do it, and how often.
I have wanted to say something for years (since they have lived alone) but just don't know how to put it.
I thought the best thing would be to mention things as I see them rather then have a big discussion about it. But then yesterday when I went to visit and younger one was making drinks. I didn't get a chance to think about it the words just came out . . . I said "jesus those mugs are filthy!" 
I didn't mean to be quite so blunt but they really were and the words just came out! The were lined with dark brown, almost like someone had wiped thick dark chocolate around the inside of the mugs. So I tried to soften it by saying how he could get it out but he was obviously pissed off and just grunted at me . I really didn't mean to hurt his feelings but fucking hell I have to drink from them!
The problem isn't that they are stained, it's that things don't get washed up properly so they are actually dirty. They get put in the sink in water and then a while later taken out. That's it. No wiping around or anything!
Don't get me started on the bathroom or the pet food!
You're probably all going to say I am really horrible because of what I said but I really didn't mean to be rude. I've tried subtle and it has no effect.
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Unclean house, what to say not to offend?!
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 12/08/2011 16:48
Well, it is their house so it is really up to them how they run it. Or not run it 
Nothing you could say would not lead to them taking offence, so best to keep shtum, and wear a peg on your nose when you go round.
Yes relatives. How could you tell?
We often go there for lunch but because of the dip and dry method of washing up, if you run your hand over a plate you can feel the stuck on food and grease. I don't like my dcs eating off those plates so have found a few ways around it such as buying a MDs for everyone on the way around and saying the kids can eat out of the boxes to avoid making washing up.
Is there any way you could persuade them to get a dishwasher? Everything would be sterilised then, and the brown rings in the mugs would be dealt with! There would be no reason for the sink to get particularly mucky either so it would be easier to keep everything clean.
You can shove all sorts in too, the plate from the microwave, shelves from the fridge, oven grill and racks, compostable recycling caddy, toothbrush mugs, all the endless usual bachelor household horrors.....
I hadn't thought of the dishwasher idea. I am not sure they could fit one into the kitchen units as they are though (can you get ones that aren't built in?) and I assume it would involve taking up the floor for plumbing? It's a council house so I am not sure how that would all work. The older one would probably just not want all the hassle and the younger one would grunt at me!
It wouldn't solve the problem of the rest of the house though. I must admit that it's never been that clean, a distinct lack of effective glasses being worn, so I don't think a lot of it is actually seen!
The bathroom for example doesn't look like it's been cleaned for months. The mats on the floor are entirely covered (every mm) in hair and fluff (just to give an idea) from towels and bathrobes and other unidentifiable things. So for them to get that covered they must have been unchanged for a very long time. The whole floor is dirty and round the edges there is a sort of ring of dust/fluff/hair gathered. I think when things are swept it doesn't occur to them to do around the edges. Every skirting in the house for eg has a thick black topping where it's never been hovered or wiped, the same for the door frames.
The actual doors are no longer white, particularly where hands go. They look a bit like they need painting and I think thats what they think, but actually they just need a wipe down with a plastic sponge and soapy water and it will all come off. I did tell this in passing to younger one once, a polite(ish) "you know this would come off with abc" sort of thing, but he grunted at me. He did tell me he had done it but I don't know what the fuck with because next time I was there it looked like the dirt had just been moved around a bit!
Last time I visited the whole of the stairscase had an inch thick layer of pet hair and other fluff over it! Completely covered! My dcs run up stairs with their hands and feet (like monkeys!) so I really wanted to say something. I did but got the grunt again.
I know it sounds like I am nagging them but I have wanted to say something for years and haven't and lately it's just coming out! I mostly say it to younger one though as I feel he does nothing around the house whereas at least older one does a bit. He generally has no pride in that sort of thing, personal or household.
Wow this is long. Myabe I should just keep going. Bla bla bla la la la bla bla la la la bla bla la la la . . . no i'll shut up now
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:) okay, and I've already posted on other threads about it. It's just not very interesting (which probably answers the question, at least partially!)
Advise a dishwasher for health reasons, and keep your shoes on. Job done
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