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stressful night, feel bad, poor girl

(18 Posts)
chubsasaurus Fri 12-Aug-11 13:53:14

Last night I had a call around 3am from an absolutely distraught girl. She was yelling at me and crying because I am (was) sleeping with her boyfriend and she is pregnant. I had absolutely no idea she existed and am now seeing someone quite happily, he was a very brief week long fling and friendship but he pushed for a lot more. She had an abortion on Saturday because she found out about me. I could not feel more guilty. We spoke for an hour this morning piecing together the timeline of events and the various lies. I don't know why I'm posting this but needed to tell someone and don't want to tell friends as all mine know both him and her. I really did not have a clue.

bananapirate Fri 12-Aug-11 16:33:54

oh bloody hell!
poor girl
It's not your fault she had an abortion, get that out of your head
There is nothing you could have done, if you didn't know about her.

Lifeissweet Fri 12-Aug-11 16:35:31

What a grade A Scumbag. I hope she's ok, poor thing.

Don't feel guilty you did nothing wrong.

chubsasaurus Fri 12-Aug-11 16:45:49

I had no idea. I feel just awful. The sad thing is I really wasn't interested and he was pushing for a relationship, she adores him and he doesn't care. How do people live with themselves?!

Anniegetyourgun Fri 12-Aug-11 17:10:55

Oh poor woman. Of course you feel guilty, any decent person would, but it isn't really your fault, you know. Just think, if you'd been a bit more susceptible it could have been both of you pg and crying your eyes out.

Painful though it is, it's just as well she found out, and possibly for the best that she isn't going to be sharing parenthood with him.

lostinindia Fri 12-Aug-11 17:13:37

How awful. How come you didn't know he had a girlfriend if all your friends know them both?

DontGoCurly Fri 12-Aug-11 20:05:42

You are both innocent victims of this pig of a 'man'.

Sorry, the whole thing must be such a shock.

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Aug-11 20:45:08

Yes, how did you not know he was with her if your friends did know that?

squeakytoy Fri 12-Aug-11 20:59:41

I was just wondering the same as lost and imperial.. how could you not know about her if all your friends did? confused

solidgoldbrass Fri 12-Aug-11 21:04:13

Well it's perfectly possible that the tosspot man told the girl to keep his relationship with her secret and she did.
OP, don't blame yourself for this. It isn't your fault. She is not your responsibility.

RabbitPie Fri 12-Aug-11 21:07:20

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lydiamama Fri 12-Aug-11 21:15:50

Sorry you both going through this because this idiot man...............
As somebody told you before, better to know about his ways soon enough, and nothing to blame on you, love. So sorry for the other girl, poor her.......
do not let it to affect you too much, love, all the guilt and remorse (if he can feel it) for him

chubsasaurus Sat 13-Aug-11 11:27:52

None of us knew - he kept her very secret. She came up in conversation once (nothing to do with him and her) and I asked if he knew her, he said yeah vaguely but she's a bit crazy so he stays away. I'm fine aside sadness for her. My friends didn't know either, they're as shocked as I am. He works for my best friend, I wouldn't be surprised if that is terminated soon.

Rabbit - thanks smile otherwise I'm totally fine, started seeing someone pretty great, life is good.

wotabouttheworkers Sat 13-Aug-11 15:03:54

I hope you and she will make sure he knows what havoc he has caused. I feel for you both - he used you well and truly. Horrible, horrible, horrible. You could let this thread accumulate more posts, print it and send it to him.

SaffronCake Sat 13-Aug-11 15:32:38

God how awful, no one has the right to judge you, there but for the Grace of <insert choice deity/ non-diety here> goes anyone. Anyone at all.

He's a fucking scumbag and I'm glad you both found out, I'm just so sorry it couldn't have been sooner for you both.

solidgoldbrass Sat 13-Aug-11 18:06:39

Just put the man out of your mind, he's not worth expending any energy on. Though you might want to give yourself a little pat on the back for having functioning knob-radar, given that you worked out he was no use and got rid before he got you PG or got his feet under the table. It's a shame about the other girl but you don't need to feel any guilt, you didn't do anything to hurt her and hopefully she will find her own knob radar works better next time.

windsorTides Sat 13-Aug-11 19:10:45

Well I'm not sure that the OP's knob radar is particularly well-tuned. Otherwise she wouldn't have given this idiot the time of day in the first place....

Maybe your radar is getting better OP (have seen your other posts) but is still a work in progress?

chubsasaurus Mon 15-Aug-11 08:02:52

Knob radar is waaaay off but slowly improving.

Utter twat.

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