I love dh to bits. He is everything all rolled into one. I like that I can be myself around him and he loves me regardless of how I may look . He is my best friend and makes me laugh. Sometimes, it all seems too familiar almost like we are brother and sister. There is very little we do not know about one another and the mystery has gone. I want life (primarily our sex life) to be more exciting. I want to feel butterflies again and be swept off my feet.
I secretly am a romantic and like to feel wanted and special.
I find myself envying married couples who still appear loved up despite being together for years. The way they look into each others eyes. Dh and I have lost that and I find it upsetting.
I don't mean to be unkind, but your post reads a bit like 'I want I want I want'. Of course you want these things, but are you thinking of your DH as well? Do you know what he wants? Trying to meet his needs I think is a good way of getting him to want to meet yours, and make you happy too.
its all bollocks and over rated. your buying into a fantasy bullshit - no one lives like that all the time, you might see me and dh out together holding hands nd laughing as we drink coffee outside the italian place. throwing our heads back ahaa ahaa ahaaa ahaaa
then i get home see his skiddies in the bathroom and want to kick him in the cunt
DH and I have a... passionate relationship. This means that we are the couple who've been together forever and have a billion kids and still snog in the corner in pubs and stuff.
We also have the occasional blazing row and NOBODY can destroy my self-esteem like H can. We know the buttons and sometimes press the bad ones basically.
Since your sex/romantic life seems a bit unexciting to you, is there any aspect of that you'd be (both!), up for exploring as a couple which you may not have before? Connecting in a new way can reignite that wonder in each other which can be lost with time and comfort.
I know how you feel, am in the same place with my DH, been together nine years. I miss the butterflies too and the idea of never having that first flush of excitement again upsets me a bit!
But, I know rationally that we are lucky to be together and happy after all this time, and we are so comfortable with each other. This is just the next phase, you trade the butterflies for something better, that closeness and knowing each other inside out. It is really worth it.
I don't think you really mean mystery, mystery would be wondering where he is at two o clock in the morning.
I think you mean that the spark has disappeared, over the course of a long marriage, it comes and goes, then comes back again. There is a lot to be said for being settled and happy and you can always improve your sex life - if you want it to be more exciting then make it so, you have to be proactive , sex would be really boring if it stayed the same for years on end, it just takes a bit of effort to get out of the rut.
You haven't lost it (hopefully) it's just gone AWOL and needs roping and dragging back to the farm.
Novelty is precisely that - the excitement of the new. It's - by definition - impossible to have that all the time in a relationship, but it sounds like you have the basis of a healthy and fulfilling long term relationship in that you can be yourselves, laugh together, rely upon each other. All that and you (presumably) have been through the rigours of moving from being a couple to becoming a family.
If you are a secret romantic, perhaps you can do small things to 'reframe' how you see your relationship, e.g. get dressed up when you get a chance to go out together, making time to eat and talk together, do a bit of what new couples do (when you can). And stop comparing yourself to other couples - you never know what goes on behind closed doors. People who look madly in love may be totally miserable, and vice versa. Concentrate on the many positives in your marriage. Good luck!
Thanks for your advice. I do think about my dh's needs and like him to be happy. Think I am a little bored of the mundane elements that come with marriage. I crave excitement but it is up to me to bring this to our relationship.
Dh and I need to spend more quality time together without DD.
Take it from when I say that if you keep everything ticking over and remember that you're a couple while your kids are young, you will reap the rewards when they've grown up and buggered off . 28 years in and my DH still knows how to make me go weak at the knees.
One of my friends was at the same stage as you, and they introduced date night once a fortnight. They would arrange to meet somewhere, so she had the thrill of getting ready and all that excitement. She said she would get the butterflies while walking into the bar/restaurant and scouring the room for him. It definitely put a spark back into their marriage.
Anyfucker- your remark was totally uncalled for. I did not mention anything with regards to seeking to have an affair. It is possible to state your opinion without being nasty- try it some time! I am sure if a friend approached you with this issue you would not respond to her in this way.
What I should have said is...your post sounds very princessy and like someone who is actually rather vulnerable to having her head turned by pretty words from some romantic chancer. Thus ruining an actual good thing.