Hello, I'm new to this board. I started out on the pregnancy board in January, moved to the miscarriage board in February, thought everything was ok for a while, then went back to the miscarriage board a month or so ago,.... but now think the miscarriage and the stress of it probably means I need to be on this board! Anyway, sorry for the ramble!
After 18 months of trying to conceive (including a miscarriage earlier in the year) my husband has now said he wants to stop trying for a while. He has told me this 6 weeks before my due date for the miscarried baby, which although doesn't mean much to him, it does to me of course.
His reasons are he's not sure if it's 'right for him right now'. How he can use this phrase for a process that doesn't seem to have a 'right now' in it (we've been trying for so long) seems strange to me, and I can't help worry that he's trying to soften the blow about him not wanting a baby at all. He keeps saying 'it's not you, it's me' and that he thinks he needs a break to, in his words, 'prepare for fatherhood'.
He told me this 3 weeks ago. Since then I've taken it very badly, but perked myself up for a week or so, and now I'm off work with a dreadful virus (which I can't help but feel is related to the stress of everything as I'm rarely poorly). I feel very powerless, as he says he needs time to think about 'things'. Obviously I've worried that he's evaluating our future, but he has reassured me this isn't the case - he loves me and wants to be with me, but needs to think about whether this is right FOR HIM (RIGHT NOW) (you get the picture,...).
All this comes at a time when he was about to get himself tested (I was tested last year and I was ok). He denies that this is a reason, although it is bound to be a contributing factor. He also talks about enjoying not having resposibilities and how he doesn't think we're too old to delay this for a few years. However, I'm 35 and he's 37, so I don't think we have as much time as he believes. And I find this attitude a bit selfish.
I've rang up about counselling and the honest truth is we can't afford it. I did wonder if I should just concentrate on myself for a few weeks and try to hope things resolves themselves, but there is a real underlying tension. It has also spread to our families as we've both told our parents about things,.... so much so that now my husband doesn't want to see my parents at the weekend because he feels 'guilty',....
Any help or advice very much appreciated. Thank you.
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Relationships
Problems conceiving, husband having doubts
RockyB · 11/08/2011 10:06
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