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Vibrator.... is your DH/DP ok with you using them?

(29 Posts)
bbface Thu 11-Aug-11 08:58:28

My DH and I have a good sex life.

I know he looks at porn occasionally, and I have no problem with it but peeves me that it could be an opportunity when we could have sex instead!

So.... I thought I would follow the advise of certain mumsnetters re. the rampant rabbit and I am going to purchase.

I have never used a vibrator before, and I was wondering if there are mumnetters out there who are in happy marriages with pretty good sex lives, who use vibrators....How did you broach the subject with your partners and what was their response.

Please please please do not make this about how sickening my husband is for looking at porn and how weak and pathetic I am to stay with him. I understand some mumsnetters have very stroing opinions about porn. I do not. I am curious about vibrators in strong relationships!

Thanks

JerryM Thu 11-Aug-11 09:22:51

Changed my name for this one, sorry.

We have several, and my dh doesn't have a problem with them. I don't really climax during intercourse, so usually use it afterwards, either with or without him. I also use it by myself ocassionally.

dh doesn't mind me using it after intercourse at all, tho he does get a bit miffed if I use it by myself, because he feels like you do, it a missed chance for sex.

I think it initially got brought up as something to play with together then developed from there.

Have you ever considered watching porn with him? both dh and I quite enjoy watching occasionally, then usually have intercourse after, so it isn't instead of sex. dh doesn't really masturbate though, he prefers sex!

BertieBotts Thu 11-Aug-11 09:25:24

No, he doesn't mind at all. We use it together as well smile

The only time he said he would mind is if we'd just had sex and then I got it out and started using it grin he said that would probably dent his ego a bit!

PeppermintPasty Thu 11-Aug-11 09:35:04

I didn't broach the subject-I ordered one and then produced it -TA-DA!! I think he quite likes the fact that either he or the Rabbit will get me there. The absolute certainty relaxes him I think!!

RedGreenBlue Thu 11-Aug-11 10:11:03

As a man, I can't understand why any other man would get jealous or upset by a vibrator. It's just something that can make sex a little different (better?) for both of you (not that there has to be anything wrong before of course). And no reason they have to be used every time, just an added string to the bow (as it were).

The fact that our toys (and respective genitalia) have been gathering dust for several months now is, I suspect, an issue for another thread.

kaluki Thu 11-Aug-11 10:45:54

I had mine before I met DP - he is fine with it. In fact he likes the fact that I am not embarrassed by stuff like that and am open minded.
We use one together sometimes and occasionally I will use mine by myself, but actually can't remember the last time I did tbh. I'd rather have the real thing.

strawberry17 Thu 11-Aug-11 11:01:15

Been married over 20 years and DH has never had any problem with vibrators, he loves anything that enhances things.

Malificence Thu 11-Aug-11 11:17:03

Toys are fun, as long as you are both ok with them, looking online at some and having a laugh is probably the best way of broaching it - I surprised DH with one a few years ago and he wasn't very impressed, he thought I was trying to tell him he wasn't doing it for me any more blush

I think the difference between men and women is that women can have several orgasms and still want sex ( well I can) a man who has wanked to porn of an evening, probably won't be interested later on, unless he's young / got a massive sex drive.
There is nothing wrong with a man who doesn't want to use toys during sex, we expect men not to complain if women don't want to try something in the bedroom, it's only fair for it to work both ways. Of course, if the only way a woman can orgasm is with a vibe, it would be an awfully selfish man to want to deny her. A bullet vibe is far less intimidating to a man unsued to sex toys than a huge phallic shape and there are some good couples toys out there.

DH doesn't really enjoy using one one me, he'd rather use his hands/mouth and feel what's going on - he doesn't mind me using one alone, I've got a much higher sex drive than him atm and could happily have sex twice a day - he's waiting for an operation and is in pain most of the time .

I don't think a rabbit is the best idea for a first sex toy tbh, they are bloody enormous!

Some men are turned on by huge toys, some are turned off - as with everything, talking about it is best. smile

bbface Thu 11-Aug-11 12:02:11

Thanks so much for the replies... genuinely helpful.

I bought the smallest rabbit there is, described as perfect for first timers!

Def going to ask my DH if I can check out porn with him. Also something I have never explored!

WiiUnfit Thu 11-Aug-11 13:57:47

bb, definitely ask DH re watching together, it is pretty hot! Ask him if you can use your rabbit whilst having sex i.e. clitoral stimulation. DP actually bought me my rabbit & we use it together wink

Malificence Thu 11-Aug-11 14:19:56

Be wary about the porn idea - what if, at best, it's a turn off, or at worst, it changes your opinion of him because of what he likes to watch?

I doubt porn will enhance your sex life either, it's mostly barbie-doll like women getting fucked every which way by two or more men at the same time, ending with her tongue hanging out to be ejaculated over, pretty grim really, plus once you've seen one hairless vulva and bleached anus, you've seen them all.

If you want to check out well made porn , designed to appeal to women, try Petra Joy stuff - it is different to the mainstream shit.

NewbeeMummy Thu 11-Aug-11 14:47:53

Try watching Anna Span if you want to share porn, it's made by a woman and is not as hard core as some can be, it's a good introduction.

But to answer your original question I have a couple, one I had long before I met DP and the other I won at an Anne Summers party. DP quite like using them on me and has no issues on me using it on myself, as long as I don't later decline sex with him as a result.

bbface Thu 11-Aug-11 17:18:16

Malificence, your post made me laugh! That does sound grim. We shall see, going to broach it this weekend. There may well be a new thread come Monday morning along the lines of.... 'My DH watches porn, I think I am going to leave him' grin.

Quite surreal to be on this thread whilst at the same time preparing DS's bolognaise for dinner with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the background!

How should I broach asking to watch porn with DH (bear in mind he is quite private about it).

Also, any suggestions how I bring up that I have bought a Rabbit? Aaah so you can actually introduce it into marital relations? Not thought of that.

JanMorrow Thu 11-Aug-11 17:34:50

He bought my rabbit for me (after some discussion!) and he LOVES using it on me.. and I love using it on myself (when he's not there!).

If I were you I'd just produce it during sex! lol

JanMorrow Thu 11-Aug-11 17:35:45

Oh and don't do what I once did and leave it on the bed for all to see, and then forget you had an electrician (with young assistant) coming round to look at the heating..

bloodymumps Thu 11-Aug-11 17:41:59

I never had one before DP- he suggested it! I rarely get it out without him (but we do have sex a LOT!) and we enjoy using it together. I have also used it in conjunction with a webcam when he has been away for both our pleasure blush. I'm pretty sure he'd not be offended if I used it on my own though, he sometimes asks me if I have used it, if he has been away etc, and is often disappointed if I say no!!

AngryFeet Thu 11-Aug-11 17:46:13

I have a few but to be honest I have gone off them now. Not because of overuse mind! They just seem too intense nowadays so I prefer to do things manually. DH and I did use them together a few years ago. If I were still into them I guess I might still use them if he were away but if he is in the house I would prefer to use his services. If he looked at porn alone while I was upstairs I would be VERY put out. He doesn't use porn at all though.

WiiUnfit Thu 11-Aug-11 21:38:41

bb - re suggestions on how to broach the porn subject, wait until the DC are in bed & just broach it as a general chat topic. "DH, you know when you watch porn... what do you watch" He'll probably ask why & you can reply with something like "I wondered what it would be like if we watched together" & go from there, if he gets a bit embarrassed just tell him you genuinely do want to watch it with him. You will probably both feel a bit odd at first but once you both get in the mood that'll soon pass! wink

You could do similar with the rabbit topic, or broach it in the same conversation. Just say you thought it might be fun for both of you to enjoy (him using it on you, watching you use it to get himself all worked up .etc)

HTH!

mumsamilitant Thu 11-Aug-11 22:29:04

Not sure I'd go for the "just pull it out" one night scenario, you don't want to shock the poor fella. I'd sort of bring the subject up after a lovely night of sex (if he's not fallen asleep of course). I did this and tadah! One was produced as a gift, bless him. Yes, it was a rabbit of the largest kind! Dear god what was he thinking! Used it once and it took me 2 hours to stop rattling! Sent him back for a gentler version!

MirandaGoshawk Thu 11-Aug-11 22:41:14

I bought this after an Ann Summers party & DH was intrigued & happy to use it with me. Has been very good for me. (Never climaxed before getting it.) I bought a rabbit afterwards but don't like it as much as the Vibro ring. I use it alone too, which he is happy about because I am prepared to give him more attention when we're together!

Not heard the old joke?

Him: Why don't you tell me when you climax?
Her: You're not usually there.

bbface Fri 12-Aug-11 07:37:36

Well, that went down like a lead balloon.

Sitting on the sofa last night next to DH with my lap top on my lap, he saw over my shoulder the email from Ann Summers with the order confirmation for 'Rampant Rabbit - the rotating one'.

Been quite off with me since. Oh well, hopefully sorted tonight. Thanks for all your advise btw.

WiiUnfit Fri 12-Aug-11 09:34:45

Oh dear! sad Can you not have a chat with him about it? Explain that you would like to use it together? Maybe he's worried you're replacing him rather than wanting to explore with him IYSWIM? Or is he just naturally a quite shy person? I'm sure he'll come round either way, I hope so!

confidence Fri 12-Aug-11 14:26:26

I would NEVER let my DW use a vibrator - the very idea fills me with dread.

... oh, I see, sorry: You mean use one on yourself . . . shock

kdnj123 Sat 13-Aug-11 01:15:29

I would never have had the courage to buy one for myself - but I'm so glad that it was one of my hen night presents. That took all the pressure away. My DH knows I use it "now and then" - but in reality it's more often than he thinks!! Thankfully he doesn't seem to have a problem with the idea and even bought me a more up to date model last year. He has even watched me using it - which we both enjoyed.

LancsDad Mon 15-Aug-11 03:36:03

I've bought my wife a couple.

I enjoy using it on her, she uses it on her own when I'm not there, I like watching her use it on herself. She's taken it with her when she's been away with work and phoned me while she's using it. All great fun.

She's suggested we try her using it on me - not been that brave yet!!!!

LD

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