I first posted on here in 2008 as "Saddest" as I was distressed by the lack of sex life and general sense of invisiblity.
I went on to post about the things that happened with my family, drug aand alcohol abuse, gaslighting and scapegoating of me. I discovered all about personality disorders, something I was accused of having by my husband, mother and sisters.
I went to the doctors and saw the nurse practitioner, who told me that I was being abused. She put me in touch with women's aid.
Eventually, I got my h to leave and cut all contact with my family, got counselling, did the Freedom Programme and got Inner Child therapy.
My husband wanted a reconcilliation, I said that in order for that to even be on the cards he must embark on long term therapy and fully accept that his behaviour was abusive. Which he did.
He moved back in in September last year, and up until the end of May things were fine, in fact I had the best christmas of my life.
Then in May, he stated to slip back, rapidly, playing the children against one another, goldenchilding dd and scapegoating ds. Telling me utter nonsense, for example, that his therapist had told him that the Freedom Programme was extreme feminist nonsense....even though she herself ran one. That the therapist had said that I was the abuser, that I was a liar and a bully. I stood their and said quite calmly, "no she didn't, and we both know that you are lying". His behaviour deteriorated to the point where I asked him to leave the house again, once again, I said that he must see the GP and get a referral to MHS. I did this because of an email he had sent to me last year, which I showed my CBT counsellor.
The email outlined his childhood. A chaotic picture of drug addiction (Heroin) which killed his brother, alcoholis, incest and other abuse. His mother was extremely unstable and went missing regullarly. The counsellor asked if he had ever seen a psychiatrist, he hasn't.
He went for a MH assessment and is waiting for a referral.
But it's too late.
We had a trip to Spain booked, and we went. For the most part it was ok, with flashes of his abusive behaviour, which I handled calmly. But on the evening before we came home, he attacked my physically. He punched and kicked, gouged pieces out of my arm and even bit me. This was caused because I wanted to go for a "timeout" as the atmosphere was getting tense, and it was a tactic that had worked before.
He had my phone and refused to give it back, saying that he was going to call the police to come and "arrest me because I am mad". The children saw and heard everything. DD has reminded me of things too, he pushed me, called me an "evil fucking bitch". And then in the middle of it all, he hurled himself to the ground and made out that I was attcking him! I simply left, without my phone.
I went to the hotel reception to ask for a taxi, but didn't realise I was bleeding, and the hotel manager called the police and ambulance.
The police got my phone, passports and tickets and me and the dc's were taken to another hotel for the night.
When we got home, I went straight to the sugery, where the NP arranged for the police to come, as well as taking note of all my injuries. We have been referred to social services. Whilst I was at the surgery, he had unpacked and was behaving as though nothing had happened. He was shocked that I asked him to leave, and very angry. I stood firm and said that it was not safe for him to be near me.
That was a week ago today.
I have seen the social worker, had the fire people out and the safety people are coming today.
I want to log this here, as everything else is here, from the beginning.
Please hold my hand.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
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A log for my survival and ultimate recovery.
thisishowifeel · 10/08/2011 09:10
Poor you 
I can see why you had him back before, but by the sound of it he is far too deeply damaged to be anyone's partner. Maybe this time he will get the help he needs, but you can't be part of his therapy. I have no psychiatric qualifications, mind, but it sounds almost as if you are a trigger point for him - not that you do anything wrong (no way you could have actively caused that behaviour!), but simply your being in his life, a woman who loves him, brings out the worst. That is so crazy and twisted there is no way you should go on being part of it. I'm a bit sorry for him too because his past was so totally fucked up... but you cannot be with him. Perhaps losing you will bring him to his rock bottom point where he actually does get the right kind of treatment and sticks with it because he doesn't want to be that person any more.
Of course your past has fucked you up too, and you don't need someone even madder than your dreadful family in your and DCs' lives. Perhaps he's done you a favour by opening your eyes to everything that was wrong about your upbringing, so that you got help to work through it. Despite it all, you've turned out lovely, and eventually will find serenity, I'm quite sure.
Thisis Poor you. You can do this. You know you can. Do you have help IRL?
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