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Why do men do this...dissapearing act??

(73 Posts)
Betty79 Tue 09-Aug-11 18:56:37

Just need a rant and to get this off my chest really. Been dating someone since early June that I met off a dating site (started chatting in may) so not that long. Just seeing each other as and when, had some lovely dates...always got on well, lots in common. Nothing physical happened until a few weeks ago, until then it was just kisses good night. I wasnt really that attracted to him at first and he grew on me really. Anyway to cut a long story short he suggested we have a night out, and as he works early shifts he took the day off. Had a lovely night out and I stayed over at his. This is where things seem to have gone wrong. He started backing off, cancelled next date, then ignored me. So I must admit I sent him a text saying he had suprised me and I didnt think he was like that, as I genuinely didnt.

Anyway after telling him what I thought, he tried to tell me he had just been busy! Which you might say is fair enough, but when someone has been texting you every day since may always making all the first moves and they suddenly cant even be bothered to text you back it doesnt sit right. So we didnt text for a week. I ended up texting him a week later, and he replied saying he used to get accused of all sorts from his ex so just ignores everything now and thats why he ignored me.

So we starting talking again and I suggested we do something for his birthday which was last week. He then invited me to his place, made me dinner and we sat chatting all night, I stayed over again. He went away at weekend and I havent heard from him since! I text him sun to ask if he had a nice weekend, then casually sent another yesterday...nothing...nada??

I just dont get it, how can a man go from spending a lovely evening with someone, telling them how lovely they are, how nice they look to ignoring them? Is it me or is it just weird behaviour. I could understand if we didnt have much in common and conversation had been stale, but it wasnt. Is it just a man thing, or am I missing something?

lubeybooby Tue 09-Aug-11 18:59:38

He is playing you OP I'm sorry. Time to start moving on and don't contact him.

Betty79 Tue 09-Aug-11 19:10:39

yep think you are right, i wont be contacting him and will block his number in case he decides in another week he fancies some again hmm

HairyGrotter Tue 09-Aug-11 19:15:19

Yup, walk away from this one. He's acting a bit of a div so I wouldn't bother with spending anymore energy on it.

lubeybooby Tue 09-Aug-11 19:24:20

Good move betty, I've been there and learnt as I went along. I don't put up with any of this rubbish now. I can't answer why they do it, but I sure know how to react now.

ScarlettIsWalking Tue 09-Aug-11 19:26:33

Some guys usually do this after they have shagged you. they have had what they wanted and are no longer interested. It is classic stuff sad

ameliagrey Tue 09-Aug-11 19:27:29

It's a power thing- they love the thrill of the chase then when they get what they want- it's like "Oh I can mess you about a bit now."

It's horrible.

But try to move on.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 19:27:33

Please don't continue making the first move, you are compromising yourself

Not all men are like this, most men actually have manners

If he isn't that into you, he should be honest. If he sees you purely as a booty call when there isn't much on the telly, he should be honest about that too.

It certainly doesn't sound as if there is anything else in it for him.

Best to move on.

AlfalfaMum Tue 09-Aug-11 19:29:09

Oh god, I've had a few of these. I don't know, some men are just spineless.
Don't waste any more attention on him!

SheCutOffTheirTails Tue 09-Aug-11 19:33:50

Why on earth did you get back in touch after he basically told you that he hated women and would ignore you any time you displeased him?

Betty79 Tue 09-Aug-11 19:37:50

Yep I know you are all right, and I just cant believe i let it happen! I really had my guard up at first and genuinely wasnt really that interested, never used to text him first until he said he didnt think i was that interested. So I made a little more effort, but still let him do majority of contact. Think thats where he probably starting turning the tables on me. Anyway I know I deserve better and I wouldnt put up with that, just am sooo tempted to tell him he's a knob....but i wont!

Betty79 Tue 09-Aug-11 19:39:07

shecutofftheirtails-no idea lol....stupid i know!!

ImperialBlether Tue 09-Aug-11 19:42:24

Oh no, Betty, you MUST tell him he's a knob!

Don't get in touch with him. If he contacts you, just text back saying, "Sorry, I gave you another chance to stop being an idiot and you didn't take it."

Whatmeworry Tue 09-Aug-11 19:59:37

You were the bigger person, so dont feel bad - but move on now and don't pursue.

oleblueeyes Tue 09-Aug-11 20:17:35

All the advice you have received is correct. I'm a bloke and have done this. It probably is all the 'chase' thing.
Dunno why, but it just seems to go that way sometimes.

xkittyx Tue 09-Aug-11 20:51:15

That's a vile way to treat another human being, oleblueeyes.

oleblueeyes Tue 09-Aug-11 21:14:38

Murder, rape, physical abuse, torture, bullying, exploitation, intimidation and sexual assault are all 'vile' ways to treat another human being.
I'm not so sure shagging and disappearing quite fall into that category.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 21:20:02

oleblueeyes, I sincerely hope you have been on the receiving end of such casual cruelty yourself, mate smile

xkittyx Tue 09-Aug-11 21:34:46

Just mild cuntiness then oleblueeyes?

solidgoldbrass Tue 09-Aug-11 21:36:41

It isn't very nice behaviour given that he would have to be exceedingly dim not to have realised that you were seeing this situation as a progressing relationship, but he didn't ever say anything to the effect that 'We are now a couple', either, did he?
For some people it's all about the thrill of the chase, for others (and please don't take this as an insult) it's only when you've shagged someone that you realise that, actually, you're Not That Into the person. Don't waste any more effort or energy on this one, he is Not That INto You and this won't improve.

ninah Tue 09-Aug-11 22:14:54

betty is this the alton towers chap? cos, no, you weren't that keen to begin with, and he did his utmost to pursue you, so I don't blame you for feeling royally pssd off
you can do a lot better i promise you m'love smile

WillIEverBeASizeTen Tue 09-Aug-11 23:27:30

Betty Your conscience is clear, you are the better person. I've no idea why men do this or other things that are as equally pathetic. I think they just don't want to get into a row discussion that they perceive as nagging. So, when it looks like it's going that way, it's back to the cyber Candy Store...

What they fail to understand is that ultimately all women will 'question' certain behaviour, and so it goes on...

Oleblueeyes Fair play to you for being honest wanker.. hmm

Whatmeworry Wed 10-Aug-11 00:32:27

I know more than woman who has done this too, before we all get on our high horses laydeez

[ashamed emoticon]

Betty79 Wed 10-Aug-11 06:51:38

Ninah- yes it's the Alton towers bloke (2nd date was Alton towers for anyone wondering) and yes I can do better, doesnt stop me feeling pissed off but I'm on holiday next week so will have forgotten all about it in no time! grin

thesunshinesbrightly Wed 10-Aug-11 07:10:40

My friend gets treated alot like this... i wouldn't worry about it move on and perhaps get to know the man first.

Enjoy your holiday.

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