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I am exhausted by emotional 'abuse' for want of a better word

(138 Posts)
farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 14:24:21

I haven’t posted here before, but I definitely could do with some support.

I am in a relationship with a man who spends night after night torturing himself over our relationship. He rakes over my past, previous relationships and even the existing relationship with ds’s dad! If I answer the phone in too cheery a tone of voice to my ex, I am a slag and must be cheating. If I refer to ANYTHING in past relationships, I am trying to hurt his feelings. I spend every day anxious and on eggshells, crying in the toilets in work and snappy at home with my ds (a lot – feel so guilty)

I have told him how this makes me feel and he says we will just have to live with it because he is hurting too?!?!?!?! Wtf!!! I have never cheated or given him any reason to be jealous, yet he rakes over my past trying to make’ thinks add up’ day after day after day

I don’t know what to do anymore 

GypsyMoth Mon 08-Aug-11 14:25:27

You should end it. It's not worth it

plupervert Mon 08-Aug-11 14:31:06

If you don't have children together, or property, definitely a person to move on from immediately (getting untangled from a relationship with property or children involved could take longer, but definitely sounds worth doing in your circumstances). What on earth do either of you get out of this relationship?

Let's hope you have more success in proving to him how you treat exes!

thisishowifeel Mon 08-Aug-11 14:32:06

£10 on him being the one who ultimately cheats.


I have found with abusive people, that all the things they tell you that you are, is what they are. If he is that obsessed with cheating, maybe he already is.

Either way, he's away.

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 14:37:30

plupervert I am pg.

He doesn't know it yet though. I am devastated as I am on the pill and its definitely not the ideal situation

thisishowifeel he has a history of cheating and basically being a 'player'
I know he hasn't cheated on me though - just by instinct.

mumsamilitant Mon 08-Aug-11 14:37:56

How long have you been with him? Why on earth would you put up with this? Do you own a home together?

mumsamilitant Mon 08-Aug-11 14:40:27

Is he a drinker? Sounds like the ramblings of a drunk.

RitaMorgan Mon 08-Aug-11 14:41:08

Why are you putting yourself and your ds through this? Get out now. I'd seriously consider whether you want to bring a baby into such a miserable situation too.

ChizChizChiz Mon 08-Aug-11 14:41:24

You don't know what to do anymore? I'll tell you.

Run. For. The. Hills.

He sounds like a complete headcase - a jealous, paranoid, emotionally abusive and deeply unpleasant individual. You absolutely cannot continue to live like this.

Please tell me you don't have any children or financial connections with him? Because if not, you can leave today and never look back. In a week's time you'll be feeling like a new woman.

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 14:46:27

mumsamilitant he is not a 'drinker' but when he does have a drink tends to get worse (so at weekends/on nights out)
We don't own a home together.

This is not how he has always been, its sudden and started recently. I am in love with him and so confused by the change

ChizChizChiz Mon 08-Aug-11 14:49:11

How long have you been together?

AnyFucker Mon 08-Aug-11 14:50:47

I will tell you what to do

Leave this man, baby or no baby

AnyFucker Mon 08-Aug-11 14:51:50

if it's started recently, then I say he is the one with the guilty conscience

he is reflecting his own cheating back on you


PurpleRayne Mon 08-Aug-11 14:55:02

You are in love with an illusion. He never was the man you thought he was. You do not have to stay in this situation.

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 14:55:50

We have been together 18 months now. I have known him for years before this - we were really close friends for a long time and we used to see each other at least once a week. There was always a spark but we didn't act on it.

Truth be told he thought I was too good for him and so did I.....

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Mon 08-Aug-11 14:55:59

Didn't you post this exact thread minus the pg a couple of weeks ago?

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 14:58:05


I have had a terrible weekend with him and have found out I am pg on friday night.

I wonder why people do that on a thread where support is requested???

AnyFucker Mon 08-Aug-11 14:59:56

farny, there is nothing wrong with asking if you have posted before about the same situation

if you did post before, what kind of advice did you get ? was it helpful ?

nickelbabe Mon 08-Aug-11 15:01:18

sausage's point is valid, though - it's useful for us in these situations to know if you have a history with your DP being a twat.

As it happens, you appear to have.

It's your house, yes? he moved in with you?

chuck him out.

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 15:01:25

AnyFucker Thanks - I think people that jump straight on a person asking for support should not bother at all! I dont have anyone in RL that I can talk to

Last time I asked I was told leave him leave him leave him.....I am too scared to leave him sad

plupervert Mon 08-Aug-11 15:02:35

Is there a reason you haven't told him? It sounds as though you don't want him to know, and that is your answer, I'm afraid.

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 08-Aug-11 15:03:05

Message withdrawn

PeppermintPasty Mon 08-Aug-11 15:06:25

Hi fw, what are you scared of exactly, if you leave him I mean.

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 15:08:22

being on my own I think. And of going through the break up too. And of not being able to continue my relationship with his kids

AnyFucker Mon 08-Aug-11 15:09:07

so what are you looking for here ?

serious question, love

I have massive, massive sympathy

but you know what people are going to say...will just one response saying "hang on in there, a baby will make everything alright now" be enough to make you bury your unhappiness again ?

no-one should stay in a relationship that makes them feel like this, end of

have you spoken to family/friends in RL (do not be ashamed to tell them the truth...this is his shame, not yours)

or Women's Aid ?

if you are too frightened to split with him, then you need outside help because you are being abused, not be looking for people to tell you to stay, because there will always be one numbskull who comes along to say you owe it to him to try at great risk to yourself (and potential baby)

you don't owe him anything seriously

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