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A bit confused about friendship and need some external opinion, a bit long sorry.

(4 Posts)
itsnotpossibleisit Sun 07-Aug-11 21:14:35

I am a bit mixed up at the moment. I separated from ExP 3 months ago and all this time a male friend of mine has been very supportive. I have known him for 5 years and we used to work together. I have to say that he has always been supportive not just now because I have separated. We have been seen each other as friends almost once a week every week since I have become a single mum. He is really nice with DD (2 years old) and she likes him lots.

Two weeks ago he invited me for dinner and on the way to the restaurant he told me that he is moving to the other side of the country. My first reaction was anger, I felt really angry because he is the only single friend that I have and his support has been unbelieveable. I told him how I felt but also told him that I was happy for him as he is not happy in here at all. Last friday he came for dinner and we had a fantastic time and we had a bye bye kiss on the lips, we had a few drinks although I know it is not an excuse.

Now I am completely messed up. I am not ready for any relationship and the last thing I want is to hurt him but at the same time I do not want to lose his friendship. I need to talk to him and tell him how I feel but I do not know how to do it without hurting him just in case he feels a bit more than I do. However I do not really know what I feel to be honest. He has always been there to give support, he is a gentelman and I know that another woman in my situation would go crazy if she had a man like him wanting more than friendship. He really is amazing but just as a friend I think.

What do I do? I am really confused. Some adivice would be really appreciated. He is also older than me which I think it is one of the reasons stopping me from feeeling anything I think. Anyway, thanks in advance

TheArmadillo Sun 07-Aug-11 21:38:54

He's moving to the other side of the country. If he actually does want to take things further (which he may not want to) use that as a reason as to why it would be a bad idea.

buzzsore Sun 07-Aug-11 21:42:18

There's no reason your friendship can't continue if he moves away - you can skype/email/phone and visit one another once in a while.

You seem quite definite that you don't want/aren't ready for a relationship and not with him anyway, so you should stick by that - you shouldn't enter a relationship with him for the wrong reasons, or to keep him nearby (if that's what was on your mind).

I think you should tell him you'll miss him, sure, but if you care about him and the move away will make him happier, then you should support his decision.

itsnotpossibleisit Sun 07-Aug-11 21:51:04

Buzzsore: I do support his desicion, probably more than him. I do not want to keep him nearby either, it would not be fair at all as he will be happier where he is moving. I guess that probably the problem is that we had a fantastic time last friday and that kiss just unbalance me a bit. It felt really nice but I am not ready to give anything at the moment.

We have already talked about him moving and keeping in contact and he has told me that the does not want to lose contact with me either because he thinks I am amazing. I think maybe the problem is that it has been very long since a male friend has told me anything like it. Maybe I am just being stupid blush and imagining things where there isn't any, don't know confused

I tried to talk to him yesterday when he came for lunch but he was in a hurry, he was driving where he is moving to look for properties. Now he won't be back till the end of the week so probably I just need to relax and talk to him once he is back

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