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As an addition to the 'red flag'/emotional abuse posts

(19 Posts)
wicketkeeper Sat 06-Aug-11 22:40:13

what would you say were your 'green flags'? If you are with the right person, what did they do that made you realise 'Yes, this is The One'. Or to put it another way, if you could give your daughter one piece of advice about what to look for in a partner, what would you say? What are the deal makers? Not asking about things to avoid, but things to actively look for.

FunnysInTheGarden Sat 06-Aug-11 22:43:51

somebody who is willing to share everything inc money no matter who is the better off. Someone who does the household chores as second nature and tells you that you are beautiful even when you are 4 stone overweight after DC. Someone who would never criticise your appearance and loves you for who you are, not what you look like.

And finally someone who is a teacher and can look after the DC in the holidays!

EverythingInMiniature Sat 06-Aug-11 22:43:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingInMiniature Sat 06-Aug-11 22:45:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerHissyness Sun 07-Aug-11 00:09:52

<bookmarks thread> I need to learn clearly! grin

So happy for all of you, it really does cheer me up to see how great it can be.

GnomeDePlume Sun 07-Aug-11 00:26:04

When I realised he was more than a friend (we had known each other for some time)
When I realised that even boring stuff like housework was fun with him around
When I realised that he was committed to trying for a baby when we had multiple miscarriages and that he would travel that rocky road with me to the end
When I realised that he loved our third unplanned child just as much as I did despite the mammoth changes which would come.
When I realised that we could travel together anywhere and enjoy the journey out, the place and the journey home.
When I realised that....

....in three days time we will have been married for 20 years.

Pishwife Sun 07-Aug-11 00:29:07

Congrats Gnome!

TheFarSide Sun 07-Aug-11 00:34:55

He said I could phone or drop round anytime - he was just so available.

I had had two previous relationships where I was restricted to seeing them on certain days eg "can only see you at weekends as I'm busy at work during the week". They weren't having affairs - they were just stingy with their time.

samhaircin Sun 07-Aug-11 00:37:29

I would say the main things I would look for in someone would be that they would be kind, considerate and empathetic (to people in general). Also honest.

GnomeDePlume Sun 07-Aug-11 00:39:42

I think that time is the biggest test. We all have different financial budgets but we all have the same time budget.

Onemorning Sun 07-Aug-11 10:02:05

When I first met DH it felt like coming home.

So many good points above that I'm bound to repeat, but here goes: kind, respectful, generous, listens, treats me lovingly, tells me I'm beautiful, supportive, not jealous. And he loves my cats.

PeepToes Sun 07-Aug-11 10:33:27

Love this thread - it's so lovely to hear that there are good relationships to be had! Gives me hope! Lucky you guys!

superv1xen Sun 07-Aug-11 10:43:14

shares housework equally

doesn't see looking after our DC as "babysitting"

financially generous (ie not a tight arse)

very loving

respectful

good socially in different situations

popular and liked

tells me i am beautiful

looks after me if i am ill

ambitious and hardworking with a good job

my friends like him

considerate sexually

financially solvent and good with money

all of which describe my DH smile <smug>

akaemmafrost Sun 07-Aug-11 11:02:45

I think the one thing that made me envious of my sister and her DH was one night I was staying with them and she was being a bit of a PITA, too much wine etc. She flounced off out of the house to the corner shop, it was about 11.00 pm. He was obviously pissed off with her, but sat there for only thirty seconds or so after she went and then went after her because it was late at night and he wanted to make sure she was safe. My ex, in fact none of my exes I think would ever have done this for me.

beatenbyayellowteacup Sun 07-Aug-11 11:22:36

Oh wow this is a good thread idea! I love the idea of being the best version of myself when I'm in a relationship...will definitely hang on until I find that one!

rainbowtoenails Sun 07-Aug-11 11:34:35

When he said he liked the fact that I am a feminist.

He's not perfect but he is the kind of person everyone likes. He financially supprted me throug& my degree. He co parents dd. He doesnt comment on my weight gain. He goes straight to the kitchen to tidy/clean/cook when he gets in from work. He encourages me to get out of the house and see my friends.

wicketkeeper Sun 07-Aug-11 12:14:56

Pleased to be of service teacup.

Onemorning Sun 07-Aug-11 12:25:00

Ooh, can I add more? He acts like a feminist (but doesn't describe himself as one), encourages me to try new things (studying, jobs, hobbies) and encourages me to see friends and family. And he makes me laugh.

I'm not saying that he's perfect, because we're all imperfect in our own way. But the good things about him totally outweigh the bad things.

wicketkeeper Sun 07-Aug-11 16:24:39

Add as many as you like grin

Totally agree with you Onemorning, the first time DH and I kissed, it felt like I was coming home. It's lovely to have so many positive comments - never give up!! I spent 20 years with the wrong man, but have now had 11 years with the right one.

Feel I should add my own to the list -
He is actually, really, interested in what I say. We share the same sense of humour. He treats me with respect. He also shows respect to other women. And he likes to cuddle.

Keep 'em coming.

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