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am i crazy to want to end my marriage?

(18 Posts)
firth Sat 06-Aug-11 21:26:58

DH and I have three children under 5. He has always been quite moody but now everyday i feel i am walking on eggshells in case he is going to get upset and start ranting at me about something or other. Beginning of the week he threw something in anger at me in front of children and was verbally abusive. Now I feel I have had enough and know that this is not what the children should be witnessing and fear the effect it has on them. However I do not work currently as am pretty full on with our one year old, three year old and five year old so am completely reliable on him for money. I am also scared of how he will react. What to do for the best - grin and bear it or throw us into the unknown where we could sink financially not to mention the emotional impact on our children

clutteredup Sat 06-Aug-11 21:30:10

Sorry to hear this it sounds really hard for you, especially in front of your DC- not sure I can offer advice but bumping for you as I know there are a lot of people on here who can.

ZZZenAgain Sat 06-Aug-11 21:31:51

Is there any reason you are aware of why his behaviour might have escalated?

squeakytoy Sat 06-Aug-11 21:31:55

I would say you were crazy NOT to want to end it.

TanyaBranning Sat 06-Aug-11 21:35:17

This sounds like a really hard situation for you and the kids. What is your support system like outside of the family home? Do you have parents, siblings, friends etc that might help you through this?

firth Sat 06-Aug-11 21:37:13

I wish I could say specifically why he seems to be more moody - I blame it on his cannabis habit (however discreet or small it may be) he would blame it on me.

clutteredup Sat 06-Aug-11 21:39:47

Have you seen this thread? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1265879-Support-for-those-in-emotionally-abusive-relationships-3

firth Sat 06-Aug-11 21:44:20

I have a sister nearby whose great tho away at mo. The house is in my name and dh pushing for me to transfer it into joint names and have applied for mortgage tho know now I cannot go through with this. I am so muddled.

TanyaBranning Sat 06-Aug-11 21:54:12

Do NOT put his name on the house. Can you see a solicitor asap to seek advice on what your position would be if you split? I would strongly advise this.

Don't underestimate how badly weed/hash can fuck up people's heads and destroy relationships sad

firth Sat 06-Aug-11 22:02:32

I will try to go to solicitors, we are away next week so will try for a peaceful week and then get some advice when we get back. Just feel awful and I dont want to wreck his world and i am scared of the potential fall out

onemoreminute Sat 06-Aug-11 22:12:53

The cannabis habbit around the children would do it for me.

firth Sat 06-Aug-11 22:20:28

I know well perhaps have something thrown at me aggresively kinda of woke me up to what sort of person I have been putting up with and trying to deal with and not looking out for everyone as I should have.

itwasthat Sat 06-Aug-11 22:25:16

what is the reason for the behaviour? and were you two happy at one time presumerably, if so what time period was this. tbh having 3 kids under 5 has to test any marriage, i know this just having two very young babies close together. im not condoning his disgusting behaviour at all but what im saying is, is the families current stage ie. coping with young children, him being the breadwinner and feeling pressure to bring in money one of the reasons for this and has it spiralled out of control? before you even think about a divorce please consider counselling, would dh go for that, just so that if you do eventually decide divorce is the only option thenn you can tell your children you tried everything

firth Sat 06-Aug-11 22:34:01

We were happy and I knew he could be moody but so much more so these days maybe because of our situation but he can be so cruel and he is not shy in what he says in front of DC. I hear what you say about counselling and i have mentioned this in the past but have been riddiculed. We are going away next week so am trying not to rock any boats this week because the last thing I want is for DC not to get holiday they are so looking forward to.

itwasthat Sat 06-Aug-11 22:45:14

ok i understand a bit more and yes good idea, so you can enjoy the break with your dc. did you discuss the incident once it had happened ie throwing something at you, at what does he say when you tell him not be so abusive to you (in front of the children). is the man so thick hes really going to lose it all, or do you see any hope in him at all ?

firth Sat 06-Aug-11 22:55:34

He is stubborn and yes did discuss and he was sorry and he is very good at saying sorry. He is unable to control his temper and does not wished to be patronised.

HerHissyness Sat 06-Aug-11 23:39:22

unable to control his temper with everyone? or just you?

Come to the EA support thread when you are ready. go on holiday, and look around and see how other people interact. compare and contrast.

you are not alone firth, remember that? Whatever you have to say, we are all here to listen.

HerHissyness Sat 06-Aug-11 23:40:43

If you are alone on holiday (without him) please take Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That?. It'll really help you feel better about the situation you are in and give you ideas on how to overcome it.

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