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To those who have left.

(2 Posts)
york0 Fri 05-Aug-11 16:05:57

How do you get out of a relationship which is makimng you miserable?
I want to go but feel tied due to financial reasons and young dc. Dh is not abusive but clearly has very little respect left for me. Moans to other people about my inadequacies and put me down in front of his mum recently.
Also is inclined towards bad moods which are getting me down. I also feel unsupported as the last year has been tough for me with bereavements.
How do you get out when you have a huge mortgage ad are a SAHP?

HerHissyness Fri 05-Aug-11 17:56:09

- clearly has very little respect left for me.
- Moans to other people about my inadequacies
- put me down in front of his mum recently.
- inclined towards bad moods

This is more than likely going to be one of those threads where you realise after 10s of posts that actually what he's doing IS abusive. he is harming you emotionally. It's chipping away at your self esteem and your life and now you are supposedly traqpped.

Moaning about your inadequacies? that's flipping TREACHERY in my book! Is he more perfect than perfect then?

What to do?:
You reason with him, ask him if he realises how mean he's being, how upset you are, and how utterly miserable and unfulfilled you feel and that you feel trapped.

IF he stops doing all of the stuff that upsets you, and listens to you, great.

IF NOT, then he probably never will. You can spend literally YEARS (trust me) begging him to be nice to you, or you can save your time and therapy bill and leave.

Somehow he feels entitled to treat you badly. If anger is a part of your relationship, and it sounds like it is, then I think that a good read of Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That may help you understand the dynamic here.

You can just WALK away, you are a SAHP, you have no income of your own, you can probably get help. Go and see the CAB and see what your options are.

Even if you don't plan on leaving straight away, you will be more informed about what your options are and what help you can draw on.

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