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Who pays in new relationship...help....am out of practice.

(15 Posts)
Dillydaydreaming Fri 05-Aug-11 07:38:12

Just need some quick advice...after 5 years of being single I am on the cusp of a new relationship. He's utterly lovely and I am really distracted (need tech to supply hearts just for me grin)
Anyhow, we are going on a first date after lots of messaging etc. We are just going out for the day and will need to go by train. As it's a first date I feel I should pay for myself but my friend who introduced us says that he will want to pay for everything...
I am so new to all this and am not sure if I should just offer or even just book the tickets myself and tell him he can pay next time.
What do you think? Am I being silly about this? I am not sure what the issue is with me and letting men pay for me....perhaps because I have always felt so independent and it's hard to let anyone else assume that role. I also feel that as I have no idea what his income is it would be a bit horrible of me to just let him pay if maybe he can't afford it.

Or am I over thinking this? Am going to make a picnic lunch to take with us and am looking forward to making some bits for that (way to a man's heart is through his stomach etc wink)

LittleHousebytheRiver Fri 05-Aug-11 07:44:41

Ask him...

and have a lovely time!

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Fri 05-Aug-11 07:47:01

If you are providing lunch and he wants to pay what's the problem?

itwasthat Fri 05-Aug-11 07:58:53

yes you are being a bit over the top tbh from your post, take a chill pill and dont seem too keen, have fun but dont fall over yourself trying to please him just beyourself ... and just see how it goes for paying for things ... if youre doing lunch i would expect him to chip in too. good luck

hester Fri 05-Aug-11 08:00:11

Go with the assumption you will pay for yourself, then graciously accede if he wants to pay.

hester Fri 05-Aug-11 08:00:36

Oh, and have a lovely time smile

Dillydaydreaming Fri 05-Aug-11 08:43:20

Thanks all smile
Just remembered he is employed by the railways so is probably able to get a discount. I am nervous and overthinking it all.

ImperialBlether Fri 05-Aug-11 11:31:53

I don't think he has to pay at all (for himself) if he's employed by the railways, does he?

If you take the lunch and you pay the fares, what's he doing? Is he a child that you are taking out for the day?

Dillydaydreaming Fri 05-Aug-11 11:38:01

Good point. Am just nervous that's all. Have forgotten how it all works grin

So, here's to Wednesday...

mumsamilitant Fri 05-Aug-11 13:55:49

Nerve wracking huh! lol... As most said, just try to relax and see what happens. Im one of the old school and believe that the man should pay for most things. You've made the lunch so he should really take care of the rest in my book!!

Beepazoid Fri 05-Aug-11 14:03:29

ImperialBlether...i too work for the 'railways' and unfortunately, we do have to pay our fares; and it's a huge bone of contention for us...but i digress.

OP, bless your heart for being so excited about your date...enjoy it my lovely; but i just work on the assumption that i would take enough cash with you that you can (in all honesty) offer to go dutch or pay for some drinks, etc.

However. if he's a proper gent, he'll politely decline...but then i'm a bit old fashioned like that. wink

Have fun though...smile

ImperialBlether Fri 05-Aug-11 14:26:22

You have to pay for your fares? Wow, that's really mean, isn't it?

My friend's dad used to work for BR years ago and always travelled for free.

Dillydaydreaming Fri 05-Aug-11 14:41:13

Thanks all lol. Yeah the having to pay your fares if you work for the railways is mean isn't it?
Right - so I feel better about this now. I think it's not wanting to impose on anyone blushhmm . Silly woman me!

Anyhow I am making a smoked salmon and potato quiche, some cheese scones and a few other bits. Just hope he likes it all..... might even chuck in some wine.

He is looking forward to it too. grin

mumsamilitant Fri 05-Aug-11 15:15:07

Mmmmmm. What man wouldn't look forward to that. Sounds fab. Let's hope HE brings some wine too... x

itwasthat Sat 06-Aug-11 22:49:25

good luck! smile

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