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Do I have Baby blues or Cheating Partner

(6 Posts)
CheesyQuaverBaby Wed 03-Aug-11 22:34:37

This is my 1st time writing but need advice as think im losing my mind.

Been with my partner 5 yrs & everything great. He lost his job & I started working 13hrs a day. Never had much quality time but still felt relationship was great. He passed the days playing online games & drinking (which is a big factor). he had a female friend who fancied him but as she looked like a man in drag laughed it off. She worked in drink factory so would regulary drop by with free booze.

I finished my nite job early as was pregnant & started to realise quickly that my partner was acting suspiciously with his phone. constantly texting etc. He was back working niteshift so when i came home from day job he would go to bed for work. Call it instinct but something wasnt right so checked phone records & he had txt her over 100 times in 3 days. sonetimes when he was supposed to be asleep.

I confronted him but he said she was thinking of leaving her man & needed advice. She must have close friends to discuss this with so i told him she was setting up for an affair. he said he didnt tell me cause he knew that i would say that. Anyway he said he wouldnt txt her again. Only a ew weeks later (mind i am 8 mths pregnant) she txts him for something stupid, he is pissed out his head & the msgs turn sexual. He talks about blow jobs & she asks when & where.

im totally distraught, he sobers up & promises nothing would have happend & cut all contact for good. Which i believe.

The problem is that our son is now 3mths & i cant get it out my head. Was this really the 1st time it had turned sexual or just the 1st time i caught him?he mite not have actually cheated but the intent was there. I forgave him but regulary dream that he is cheating which makes me give him a hard time all day.

I love him but am constantly accusing him & terrified he is going to leave me a single mother. My mother in law seems to think i have a touch of post natal depression but can this be true if I love my son & dont have a problem caring for him? only her son i have a problem with.

Am i post natal? is this just hormones?

ImperialBlether Wed 03-Aug-11 22:39:15

Of course your MIL is saying that! She wants you to stay with her son.

Is your husband working now? Does he still have contact with her? Does he ever hide his phone? What would he say if you picked up his phone and read his messages?

babyhammock Wed 03-Aug-11 22:45:44

Ignore MIL for a start..you won't get an unbiased view from her.
As for the rest, poor you sad. I'd probably have reacted the same way, as would he if the boot was on the other foot. Especially now when you're so vulnerable

Trust your instincts and if you can, stop accusing him. But keep an eye out and he will slip up if he's up to something with her.

But 100 texts in 3 days and all that drinking! Do you really need someone like that in your life x

CheesyQuaverBaby Wed 03-Aug-11 23:34:58

he is actually working away now for a week at a time which has flared up the paranoia. He is definately not in contact with her as i still regularly check his phone which he doesnt mind. I explained that i was now insecure due to his actions & he agreed that i had every rite to feel that way.

this is what hurts the most i have turned into a pranoid wreck, checking txts, accussing. I dont want to be like this. Some days it consumes me so much that i cant eat or sleep but a few days later i feel foolish. thats why i cant help thinking im losing my mind. He has done everything i have asked of him.

i wish i could forgive & forget but the forget part is harder than i thought

my heart believes that he wouldnt actually cheat but my head is a mess

TheScenicRailway Wed 03-Aug-11 23:41:15

I'm sorry, but I think he absolutely is having an affair with this woman and he's probably got a second phone by now.

It is beyond conceivable that you happen to have stumbled across the first and last set of sexual texts when you did.

PeterSpanswick Wed 03-Aug-11 23:47:27

No constructive advice but what a tosser to do that to you at such a vulnerable point. He has no one to blame but himself if you are paranoid as a result, your feelings are completely understandable.

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