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What happens to a relationship if one of you just can't be bothered to make the effort anymore?

(7 Posts)
Ormirian Tue 02-Aug-11 16:47:27

Our marriage isn't good. I've posted about this recently. I have been trying to talk but he doesn't really respond much. I think he thinks that if he ignores it I will stop going on about it. He tells me that he doesn't know what to say. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he is fed up with me being tired and miserable.

I think it's partly my fault as I am so tired and worn out atm. I am just about coping with work and kids. No energy for me and I feel old and ugly and fairly hopeless. I want permission to just let go for a while.

That won't work will it? Despite all the crap about marriage being for support.

SingOut Tue 02-Aug-11 17:12:12

He doesn't know what to say? How about 'I love you and I DO want to make this work, and this is what I'm going to do towards making things better. Have you got any ideas on what either of us could do to improve things, darling?'

Sorry to read this was you, Orm. I've followed your other threads and I really feel for you. Is there any possibility of you getting away from it all, alone - just for one or two nights if nothing else? It might help to clear your head and give you a bit of a step back from the situation.
What do you want? Do you realistically think he'll be able to give that?
Best of luck to you.

Ormirian Tue 02-Aug-11 20:48:25

Thankyou.

I want to be how I was 8 or so yrs ago. When I felt normally happy. When my marriage was something I wore to make me feel safe and contented. It feels like a hair-shirt now. A few months away would do me. Not going to happen.

We had a nice time this evening. Ate in the garden with the children. No arguments or sulks. But fuck me it was hard work. I don't want to make the effort.

HedleyLamarr Tue 02-Aug-11 20:52:56

You've answered your own question there. He refuses to make an effort and you don't want to make the effort any more. Sorry. sad

levantine Tue 02-Aug-11 20:57:05

Well you can tell him how unhappy you are and see what happens. He will probably make an effort. It's just how long that effort will last that is the issue.

Does he know? Is it worth trying relationship counselling? Counselling on your own might be a good idea, at least then you could try to untangle what you really want

cathkidstonbag Wed 03-Aug-11 18:42:59

Can't offer you any advice because I am in exactly the same situation and have been for years. It is incredibly hard work and I really don't see the point to it anymore. Maybe counselling might help? Couldn't get mine to go so I go alone. It's helped me so much but there's a limit to how much work can be done to a marriage by just one person unfortunately sad

cjbartlett Wed 03-Aug-11 18:46:13

I think most marriages end because it feels too much like hard work and neither partner can be bothered to try any more sad

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