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Need advice please, desperate for help!!!

(7 Posts)
luckylucky Tue 02-Aug-11 13:46:07

I've been with my partner for over 15 years. He has always worked hard to build a better future with me but at the same time was never very romantic or affectionate. We always argued and our relationship had always been hard work. Our son was born a few years ago and the first year or so, things were perfect, we were truly happy. After that, things started to go downhill. We never really argued but bickered a lot about the way in bringing up our son. Then i went off sex but he didn't. he could do it everyday and ask for more. Everytime he gave me a cuddle, he would grope me etc. I asked nicely for him not to and explained to him numerous times how i felt but he carried on. Now i just can't stand him anymore even when it is just an innocent cuddle. The spark has gone. I felt like this for some time but carried on hopping things will get better, for our sons sake, i thought it was better to pretend. Then i recently met a guy i knew from school. We had an innocent meet up and chat. We got on like a house on fire. We have so much in common and he knows how i feel without me saying a word. We like each other and despite my situation, he still wants to get to know me as he said it's me he likes and not my situation. My next problem is that i am pregnant now with baby no.2, my partners baby. This new guy knows and when i told him it will be difficult for him if he was to be with me, he just said hes a grown man and will make that decision for himself. I'm really confused, really scared. My partner has now moved out. I suggested a break for 2 weeks and if i feel nothing at the end of it, then we go separate ways. has anyone been in a similar situation? would like to hear others opinions as well. Thanks.

IWantWine Wed 03-Aug-11 19:52:27

hey I am sure someone more able will be along to give you advice.. Your situation is very complicated but from MPOV you are not happy in your present relationship. If you feel it cant be salvaged then end it. But give yourself a lot of time before you get involved with anyone else.

FabbyChic Wed 03-Aug-11 19:55:33

You need to be on your own before embarking on a new relationship. You will have two children to raise alone it is no way to start a new relationship when the one you had for 15 years is not yet really over.

MyCatHasStaff Wed 03-Aug-11 20:07:13

It's easy to get carried away with someone you knew a long time ago, the old 'you' comes to the surface and that can be very attractive, so I would urge caution. However, you have been unhappy for a while so maybe you do need to call time on your relationship. Treat the two men as separate, can your relationship be saved, do you want to try? If not, that's one decision made. The second guy - view it as a new relationship. As we get older relationships are not simple, we all have a past, and he appears to have a mature viewpoint. Fabby has made a good point, but while ideally it would be good to be on your own for a while, good men are hard to find, and if he is right for you, I'm not sure I would risk letting him get away.

DuelingFanjo Wed 03-Aug-11 20:18:31

I think you are probably moving too fast and maybe the issues with your partner, the difficulties you have been through getting pregnant (on your other thread) etc have caused stresses in your relationship which you need to sort out before getting carried away with your new lover.

congratulations on the pregnancy and what a relief you didn't have to go through IVF in the end, having been there I know how hard it is.

luckylucky Mon 08-Aug-11 10:25:09

Thank you all for your replies. I'm into week 2 of our 2 week break. so far we still have a small amount of contact for our son's sake, he rings every night to say good night to him. I enjoyed spending time by myself. It's nice that i could stress free and not worry about what he thinks! Just have to see what happens when er meet up after this week. Thanks again. I know this is complicating and only i can make the decision but it's hard as so many people would be affected.

springydaffs Mon 08-Aug-11 11:19:22

Well, it's lot easier being with the father of your children. To be completely cynical, the first flush of love will go eventually with the 2nd guy and you'll be back to an average relationship. If things have not been going well with your husband, why don't (didn't) you go for help re couples counselling? Your husband sounds like he is prepared to be reasonable in that he has agreed to move out for a few weeks - a lot wouldn't agree to that. I agree that groping you when you had expressly asked him not to is a big no-no but this is the type of thing you can discuss in couples counselling. As you say, leaving him for someone who has popped up from the past (always dodgy imo) would hurt a lot of people. At least give your marriage a chance - a break of 2 weeks is nothing like a chance to put right what seems to have been going wrong for a while. If, after thoroughly doing all you can to save your marriage (inc couples counselling) you think that there is no future to it then do leave it, but don't go straight into another relationship.

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