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So much information from my friend! Is this Aspergers?

(13 Posts)
WhoseGotMyEyebrows Mon 01-Aug-11 15:24:49

I have a friend who has always sent incredibly long emails full of info about every tiny thing she has to do that day. Rather then just for eg. "I am going out later but first I have to wait in for a delivery" she might say, "I have got to go out later to get a new pen from the shop called XXXXX, but not the shop called XXXXX because last I went there . . . (huge explanation of shop choice) but first I have to wait in for a delivery and the postman sometimes comes at 9am but once it was 9.10 and I am hoping its 9 and that means I'll get to the shop by 9.15 but (then go on and on about the postage options when she ordered the item), bla bla bla bla bla.

She will be like this about every subject. Just too much information. More than anyone else would give really. I have just noticed that on Facebook (she's a big user of it) she has put that she is going out later but first has to go to the dentist at 4.20 and then the hairdressers at 5.45, or something like that.

That's unusual isn't it?!

The more I think about it the more unusual she is. Do you think this might be Aspergers or something?

You might wonder why i'm bothering to ask, I just wondered what others thought really, she is very nice in her own way but can be hardwork. If I am meeting her somewhere she will phone or text me every couple of mins to ask how far away I am. I have know her for years and always thought her a little unusual.

SingOut Mon 01-Aug-11 16:08:32

She sounds anxious and like someone who always like to be in control - knowledge is power, and so on. It can be an aspie trait but just as easily could be something else, or simply her being her.
It's not typical, no - but labelling it won't change it. Perhaps hide her FB updates and cut down the amount of time you spend communicating with her if you find it annoying.

TalesOfTheUnexpected Mon 01-Aug-11 16:39:24

I realised about 2 years ago that I did the "too much info" thing.

After going through counselling following a marriage break-up, I came to the conclusion that I told people sooooooo much because I wanted them to know (and love) the true me.

It was too much and I lost a lot of friends because of it. Boring people about details re which shops you go to and why is OTT but in my experience I was trying to share my life when I felt so desperately alone. I'd share silly details with anyone to get feedback/interaction to stop me feeling so solitary.

Does your friend have a partner or close family?

In my experience, it was a way of reaching out and hoping someone would show interest in me. Pretty pathetic but I've worked on it and I'm a lot better now (honest grin)

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Mon 01-Aug-11 17:35:29

TalesOfTheUnexpected Aaaah sad. I think I do it to a certain extent but usually that involves telling anyone who will listen about significant things that have happened in my life rather then about day to day stuff.

My friend has always been a little unusual. For eg, she is awful with money, to the point where her family keep bailing her out. She seems obsessed with getting the best of everything (newest car, iron whatever really) but it usually means spending the most amount of money possible for gadgets and settings she doesn't need and spending money she doesn't have. She is also socially awkward in that she acts silly and other people often find it inappropriate and embarrassing sad.

She does have family and has just got married. She is like a child in a lot of ways and I think now her husband has taken over the role of looking after her instead of her parents. I mean childlike in her spending of money is immature and her understanding of others situations. She doesn't seem to be able to put herself in others shoes.

Lizzabadger Mon 01-Aug-11 18:10:30

I can't really see why it matters what you label her behaviour, tbh. If you like her and want to remain friends with her, I guess it is just a mildly irritating quirk you will have to put up with.

sparky234 Mon 01-Aug-11 19:01:40

op-obviously its hard to tell without knowing youre friend.
but this does sound familliar[i have two dc on the spectrum-ones a adult]
yep-it is hard work isnt it.
it dont matter about the label-its the issue thats difficult.
whats youre friend like?[is she easily offended?]
if youre interested-i could come back later and give you some strategies[for youreself]it makes it easier!

TalesOfTheUnexpected Mon 01-Aug-11 19:05:39

whosegotmyeyebrows Ah, that's a bit different from me. I don't need to have the newest, bestest anything.

Like Lizzabadger says, maybe it's just an irritating quirk. You may have to decide if you want to continue the friendship or slowly let it slide.

want2sleep Mon 01-Aug-11 19:49:06

whoseeyebrows yep being in control is a trait...also wanting to be the best (or in her case having the best) yep also and going into great detail and noticing things most people ignore (block out). They say everyone is on the spectrum somewhere...we all have traits. It could also be OCD which people with and without aspergers have.
Does she have sensory issues? She sounds anxious again can and may or may not be a aspie trait ...what ever she has you will love her unjudgementally for being herself smile smile

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Mon 01-Aug-11 22:20:02

Yeah I do love her, although we are not as close as we were. Mainly because something absolutely awful happened to me, one of those things that takes years to get over, and she just didn't get it. She seemed to lack any understanding or empathy and I was in a terrible state at the time. After about 4 months she wrote me a huge, HUGE letter saying that she hadn't been in touch for a few weeks and thought she should tell me why. The reason why was because she was fed up with me being so miserable and moany and depressed all the time . . .

I sort of thought WTF! Which I guess is partly why I posted about her. It's sort of that combined with everything else.

Thinking about it, her brother is very similar and has this way of talking which really scares people away, he doesn't seem to have any awareness of this and starts conversations in strange ways. It comes across very intimidating to other people. Maybe it was something they picked up from their parents, although I haven't noticed that particularly from the parents. hmm

Lizzabadger Because it's an interesting subject to me.

want2sleep Tue 02-Aug-11 00:17:13

whosegot now you have explained about the intiating conversation and tone and approach in conversation it does sound like ASC! Do either of them have sensory problems (but not all do) to noise, touch, taste, smell. I.e is noises overbearing or they hate being touched lighlty but love then tight hugs or they only eat certain foods and want to have routine and know what they are doing daily...they get really upset with sudden change of routine. Lack of empathy particulary in Aspergers has been proven to be neurological and they often only recognise extreme ends of emotions like happy/sad and angry and find other emotions grey....does she find understanding how other people feel or what they might be thinking impossible....we can all guess the teacher is mad if she stands and stares but the child with AS will not and will continue talking etc and then get into trouble more often. Literal also a possible one...you say 'I'm dying with the thirst' and they may scream 'don't die please' with fear. jokes might not be understood also with 'literalness'

If you get a chance watch this film 'My Name is Knan' it protrays a man in USA with aspergers...it is fantastic but sad too as it covers racisim, and war but the Aspergers bit I thought very positive...it will help you understand the condition and why then your friend may not be able to empathise...it is neurological and she can learn through guidance...you can guide her/remind her about social rules etc...my son has ASC and I am still learning from him and always will smile

want2sleep Tue 02-Aug-11 00:17:49

sorry 'My Name is KHAN'.

solidgoldbrass Tue 02-Aug-11 01:32:56

Do you feel that having a label for her will make you more tolerant of her unusual behaviours? Or are you looking for a label in order to feel less guilty about not wanting to be her friend any more because she's basically too annoying?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Tue 02-Aug-11 06:23:30

Thanks want2sleep. Have only speed read you post as I have stomach pain but will come back later.

solid not sure it's either, just interested really. I find Aspergers etc interesting and generally find people and why they do the things they do interesting.

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