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Relationships

Had a bit of a crappy weekend with DP :-(

31 replies

INeverWantedTheStars · 31/07/2011 19:35

Been together for around a year and a half, have been talking of moving in together more recently but this weekend every "niggle" I've had about him have been there in one long string of doubts.

We went to a popular "Touristy" town and are looking around for somewhere to have lunch. We'd both said we fancied fish but were finding it difficult to find anywhere. We then found a bistro type place that was offering 2 for £10 meals. I said:
me - "If you want to eat here we could always get a fish on tuesday on our day off? I have that medical on tuesday morning, you could meet me there?"
him - "I quite fancy the burger actually?"
me - yeah ok, so you want to do that tuesday then?"
him - "what? what's happening tuesday?"
me Hmm "my medical"
him - "oh right, shall I meet you from there?" Hmm

So we get inside and he said:

him - "I'm only ordering if the 2 for £10 deal is on".
me - "ok, I'm getting the burger, what you getting?"
him - "yeah"
me - "??what??"
him - "what?"
me - "what are you having??"
him - "oh, erm - same as you"
me - "which is?"
him - "erm, what you having?" Hmm ffs

So that was the quality of our conversations all weekend. So we went to a gig later on. Before the band started he decided he needed to buy tickets for another band there and then (despite the fact that they'd never sell out and we could've got them on the way out) this meant he had to go to the cash machine 2 streets away leaving me sat alone in a dingy live music venue for the best part of 30 minutes looking like a twat. The band started, the place started going wild and there were a group of blokes next to me headbanging, jumping around and going absolutely crazy. I was in fear of being knocked over and looked where DP was standing and next to him were very calm and sober girls". I said to DP "Can we swap places?" and he laughed and said "no! I don't want to be knocked around!" Shock with that, 2 6ft blokes come flying into me knocking me into another group of blokes. DP saw it and quickly diverted his eyes back to the band. Clearly of the opinion rather me than him.

Then half way through the gig I started suffering from really terrible back pain. My lower right rib felt like it was digging into my back (I've suffered with this a few times) and I told DP I was in a lot of pain. His response was "You'll be alright". So I carried on as long as I could and then literally doubled over in pain, when I stood back up he said "just go and sit down then if its that bad". He clearly had NO intentions of coming with me - he was more interested in keeping his place in the crowd. So I would've had to go and sit alone.

The band finished, still no interest in my back or how injured I had been by the moshing guys.

These are not isolated incidents. He has ignored me many times during converstion in the past. One time we were in the city centre at midnight, parked down some quiet (badly lit, dodgy) street and I needed to go to cash machine two steets away. I noticed he wasn't taking off his seatbelt so I said "you not coming?" and he said "no, it's too cold" so he left me to go alone, anything could have happened to me. And the disregard for my health - I told him it hurt during sex, he thought I was making it up and kept trying it on, then the doctor said there was something wrong with my ovaries and sent me for an ultrasound scan. DP still tried it on saying "it will be ok, I'll be gentle".

But this weekend he displayed ALL of this in one day. I'm not being a primadonna am I? This isn't normal bloke behaviour, is it?

OP posts:
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Katisha · 31/07/2011 19:39

Don't move in with him. He is behaving like a teenage boy.

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UkeHunt · 31/07/2011 19:40

Sounds like he has no regard for you at all.

This isn't normal human behaviour.

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greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 19:43

Not being a prima donna. Leave him.

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RabbitPie · 31/07/2011 19:44

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CoffeeIsMyFriend · 31/07/2011 19:47

so he shows no interest in what you say?

No interest in your health?

No interest in being generally considerate toward you?

Bin him now. He sounds like an eejit.

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pictish · 31/07/2011 19:47

Can't decide if he's an arse or you're a needy, whiney, drama queen.

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anothermum92 · 31/07/2011 19:59

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SingOut · 31/07/2011 20:01

No it's not normal. not all men are like this! FFS Shock You can do so much better, what does he BRING to the relationship? Selfish c*nts rarely change.

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BertieBotts · 31/07/2011 20:04

The first two don't seem that bad personally to me, though you sound bothered by it, and it isn't me in the relationship, it's you! If you're not feeling it then don't feel bad about ending it.

The last one about sex is definitely ringing alarm bells though. "I'll be gentle"?? Unless he was joking, I really don't like the sound of that at all.

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INeverWantedTheStars · 31/07/2011 20:04

Pictish, believe me I'm not a little girly girl that needs her hand holding on every occasion but if we were parked down a dim lit street and DP needed to go to cash machine (or even a mate!) I'd go with them, it's just the sensible thing to do.

And what is needy about expecting someone to actually listen to you when you talk?

OP posts:
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buzzsore · 31/07/2011 20:12

He doesn't seem interested in talking/listening to you, and isn't particularly bothered if you get knocked flying? I wouldn't be moving in with him, tbh. I like my partners to have a modicum of interest in me.

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AnyFucker · 31/07/2011 20:15

why are you with this self-centred twat ?

does he have any redeeming features at all ?

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Tenacity · 31/07/2011 20:20

I think both of you are wrong.

You are wrong for staying with him, and he is wrong for not empathising with you.

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Bohica · 31/07/2011 20:30

He sounds like a selfish arse imo.

The not believing you when you had pain during sex & telling you he would be gentle tells me he has no regard for you as a person.

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QuintessentialShadow · 31/07/2011 20:36

He sounds very inconsiderate. Being preoccupied and not listening during conversation can happen to anybody. But letting you be knocked about by bouncing blokes, and sending you to the cashpoint in the dark, is not great.

BTW, why go to such gigs if you cant handle a rowdy crowd?

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lazarusb · 31/07/2011 20:42

Bin him. Don't even question it.

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LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 31/07/2011 20:46

Oh come on - you know the answer to this, PLEASE don't ignore your gut feeling about it. I think it sounds worrying and if you get into this any deeper, it will be messy and probably a bit expensive to sort out.

PLEASE post that you're going to call time on this one? He's really not that into you - and to be honest, I dont' think it sounds as if you're that into him anymore?

It's SO better single and knowing exactly where you're at, than with the wrong person and hoping against hope that it'll get better...

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Eurostar · 31/07/2011 20:49

what are his good points?

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StarryEyedMama · 31/07/2011 20:54

To be honest he sounds like an insensitive dickweed who doesn't really give a toss - I'm sure you could find someone who would treat you far better (of course my opinion is based on the incidents you brought up but that alone would lead me to assume that he's not really boyfriend material)

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ShoutyHamster · 31/07/2011 23:49

No, sorry, I'd expect far more simple caring - going with you to cash point, being concerned at your feeling unwell, certainly not ignoring you being pushed about! - from a basic acquaintance, let alone a partner.

He's not a massively nice or caring person from the description you've given. He's self centred. He doesn't seem to have much genuine time for you.

It's certainly not going to get better on that front, is it? This is him, with probably a good dose of taking you even more for granted chucked in if you end up moving in together/marrying.

You haven't really been together that long. I'd think about ditching him. I think you know you can't see yourself with him for the long haul. So why waste time?

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honeyandsalt · 31/07/2011 23:59

Another vote for the bin I'm afraid.

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bringinghomethebacon · 01/08/2011 00:29

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SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/08/2011 01:20

I'm with Pictish, you sound like a whiny, needy drama queen to me too.

Doubling over in the middle of a gig just to make a point if how badly injured you'd been by the moshing men?

I can see why he's in the habit of ignoring you.

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Whatmeworry · 01/08/2011 08:29

Thinking same as CutOffTails - Sounds like a vicious circle thing to me too.

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akaemmafrost · 01/08/2011 09:51

Agree a little with Pictish, however he sounds more selfish than you are whiny, unless he is just sick of it?

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