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When does it cross the line between hospitality and being taken advantage of?

(62 Posts)
SoggyOnion Sun 31-Jul-11 15:17:09

Relatively new relationship, due to childcare arrangements (mine go to their dad's on a weekend) boyfriend spends a lot on weekends at my house. I'm becomming increasingly aggitated however at the amount of food he eats whist here, especially as he has a full time wage coming in and I'm a full time student.
For instance, he stayed here last night, we went out for the evening but usually if we were staying in he'd make himself some supper using the stuff from my cupboards. This morning he had a cooked breakfast (using 2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon, cheese and a bread roll) which left me short meaning I had to go out and buy more eggs and more bacon. So whilst around the shop I thought I may as well buy some things in for next week for me and the kids. I picked up some parmaham and he said "oh are we having that for lunch?" so not only am I providing breakfast, I'm also providing lunch everytime he comes down. I said "no, this is for next week" so for lunch he ate a sausage roll that was in the fridge and asked if I was saving my spring onions for anything. I said "Nothing inparticular" so he said "oh I'll have one, infact I'll have 2". Then he wanted a packet of crisps, again from my cupboards and was in the biscuit barrel etc not to mention the drinks he got through (ok only cordial but the amount he drank means I have to buy more of that too).

I don't mind being hospitable and don't begrudge anyone a bloody egg but it's getting to the point where I feel he's taking advantage a bit. I just don't have the money to provide cooked breakfasts and lunches for another adult every weekend like this.

Be honest, is it petty of me to whinge about what he eats?

I said "you can provide the breakfast next week" so he said "oh? ok. I'll get us some toast etc" so I said "Not a cooked breakfast?" and he wasn't very happy, I could tell.

Thumbwitch Sun 31-Jul-11 15:22:19

He is taking the piss. Tell him to bring his own or chip in and buy some for the weekend. And tell him you can't afford it as well!

YANBU to feel aggrieved and it is not petty when he is increasing your food bill and/or leaving you short, especially when you are on a tight income.

But stand up for yourself properly - if he doesn't like it and buggers off, thank your lucky stars that you are rid of a tight-arsed leech.

AnotherMumOnHere Sun 31-Jul-11 15:23:30

Glad to hear you gave him an earful in the end OP.

He is a sponger - no doubt about that. He should either cough up money towards what you are all eating or f* off.

Sorry if I'm blunt but with some guys like him there is no other way.

Hope you sort things out.

RabbitPie Sun 31-Jul-11 15:25:18

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

susiedaisy Sun 31-Jul-11 15:25:39

Who pays for what when you go out together?

BertieBotts Sun 31-Jul-11 15:28:49

No, if he isn't chipping in for food he shouldn't have free reign over all of it. It would be different if it was a one off visit, but he's coming every weekend.

SoggyOnion Sun 31-Jul-11 15:31:08

When we go out we each pay for our own or go halves.

susiedaisy Sun 31-Jul-11 15:35:59

Then in that case he's taking the piss!

Columbia999 Sun 31-Jul-11 15:37:51

Dump the tight git!

maras2 Sun 31-Jul-11 15:43:12

Show him this thread and if he is not embarrased by it, show him the door.Cheeky get.

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 31-Jul-11 15:51:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarsaparilllla Sun 31-Jul-11 15:54:02

He's taking the piss eating you out of house & home, he should've offered to pay half when you were at the supermarket really

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Sun 31-Jul-11 15:54:29

How old is he and what's his home set up like? Why do you stay at yours when your DC's are away? Just trying to get a clearer picture.

TurnipCake Sun 31-Jul-11 15:54:48

Taking the piss, definitely

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Jul-11 15:57:14

He's working full time, you're a student with children, you each pay for yourselves when you're out but he eats all your food when he's at yours? He is taking advantage of you. He should arrive with supermarket bags of food and only eat that.

I wouldn't bother telling him to be honest. His natural instinct is to be mean - it's very unattractive and you should find yourself someone nicer.

SoggyOnion Sun 31-Jul-11 15:57:35

he's 37 and he does like to "save money" on his groceries but so do I!

We have not got as far as meeting each other's dc's yet so its easier for him to stay at mine because on the weekends his own teenage DC is at home so it's more private/peaceful etc at mine. He's been saying for ages now however that he'll sort out a night for us to stay at his house (get his DC to sleep at their grandma's/aunts/friends etc) but it never seems to happen.

Catslikehats Sun 31-Jul-11 15:58:02

Difficult to tell whether he is just a bit thoughtless or a freeloading knob.

Next time he comes over casually mention that your cupboards are bare and ask him to pick up some bits on the way. If he presents you with the receipt then you have your answer and should get rid.

SoggyOnion Sun 31-Jul-11 15:59:38

He would definately present me with the receipt Queen. Last week he text to tell me the tea and coffee I like were on special offer and did I want some. I said yes and he asked me for the £3 when he brought it.

NemesisoftheVole Sun 31-Jul-11 16:00:51

This sort of thing makes me really cross. I can't abide meanness. My in laws are the same and it just creates bad feeling. My parents always taught me to be generous and hospitable, but it seems that other people weren't brought up in the same way.

You have to stand firm OP. Good that this is a new relationship - you can get him trained (in the nicest possible way wink) and it needn't become a bigger issue.

SoggyOnion Sun 31-Jul-11 16:02:39

It's like last night, we went to a bar and I bought the first drinks. 2 bottles of "premium" lager costing £6.40. When it was his turn to buy the drinks he came back with 2 half cokes which cost him £2.20. So it came to the 3rd round and I said "It's surely your turn again, isn't it?" and he said "no, I went last time" so I said "yes but considering how much I spent on my round compared to yours!" and only then did he say we'd split the cost of the drinks at the end of the night.

Greenshadow Sun 31-Jul-11 16:06:37

This doesn't sound all that unreasonable to me.

The breakfast example you quoted is not excessive and a sausage roll for lunch again is nothing to write home about. Surely if he is a guest in your house you would feed him.

Having said that, he does need to be made aware of the fact that it is unfair to expect you to provide that every weekend especially considering that you are a student.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Sun 31-Jul-11 16:07:12

He's as tight as a gnat's whatsit. How unattractive when people are mean!

neuroticmumof3 Sun 31-Jul-11 16:09:09

He sounds pretty dreadful. If you were to stay at his he'd probably give you an itemised bill by the end of the weekend.

ENormaSnob Sun 31-Jul-11 16:09:16

He is a stingy, tightfisted freeloader.

DrGruntFotter Sun 31-Jul-11 16:09:29

Message withdrawn

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