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Worried that now I have a partial denture my love life is over

(71 Posts)
lifeissounkind Sat 30-Jul-11 22:18:20

Hi, The title says it all really, I'm 42, single mum to two teens and had to have a partial denture fitted about 6 months ago,

I always had good strong teeth but 20 years ago my front 4 ones were knocked out by my kids dad, there was enough of the teeth left for me to have crowns fitted, they lasted a few years but after a while had to have a bridge fitted, it was replaced once because it became loose, had that one for about 10 years,

For the last 3 years ive had constant gum infections above one of the teeth that was mine but held the bridge in place, i was told that the tooth had to be removed so the bridge had to go and the only option was a partial denture,

Since I've had it ive had no more gum trouble but I hate the way it makes me feel, I am so embarresed by it, I can never imagine getting close to anyone and them finding out or seeing me without it,

I am worried about kissing and all that stuff, If i meet someone do i tell them up front or wait till we get close, how do people in this situation handle it?

I have to take it out to sleep, ( very sexy ) I cannot eat with it in as it moves and ive tried all the adheasives but they make me gag,

I know there are lots of worse things that people have to deal with but this is stopping me from moving on with my life, fgs im only 42, Ive dealt with all sorts over the years but this has knocked my confidence to zero.

I know there are other options ie implants but i could never afford that so it is not an option,

Just wondered if anyone out there has been in this situation and if so how did you overcome it?

Ivortheengine8 Sat 30-Jul-11 22:27:26

I havent OP but DH (38) might have one soon I imagine. He has bad gum disease and I think he might well have to have a few teeth out. Not sure exactly how or what they will do yet though.
Not that DH or me have much of a sex life anyway but I don't think it would cause much concern. If you meet someone new, I would wait a little and then maybe make it a bit of a joke and see how they react. I am sure there are some decent people left for whom a denture is less important than meeting a nice person.

If its any consolation my mum has a false eye grin
When I go to my parents house she keeps her spare one in a little plasic box floating in some liquid shock

hellymelly Sat 30-Jul-11 22:28:39

I wonder if you could get implants free at a dental college? Worth checking as they would be far and away the best option. Would you qualify for some sort of victim compensation that could pay for implants?Other than that all I can say is I am really sorry that you went through having them knocked out,and that anyone who falls in love with you won't care that you are gappy.Perhaps some dentist mumsnetter will read this and offer you some help.

UnhappyLizzie Sat 30-Jul-11 22:39:04

I agree with Ivor, a nice man would overlook this. What's more of a worry is not what someone else would think, but what you think. This has destroyed your confidence. I know how that feels, I had a difficult birth and was left needing an operation. I felt completely ruined and it had a terrible effect on my marriage.

I think hellymelly is right. Implants would restore your confidence and there has to be some way for you to get them, surely. As you said, you are only 42.

So sorry you are suffering like this.

seniorcindarella Sat 30-Jul-11 22:43:38

Implants would be my suggestion too. In fact there was a groupon(!!), for them just recently. Many dentists would consider installments or similar, if that would be more managable for you?

I think this would be a tiny, insignificant thing to the right guy. The issue is how YOU feel about it, and how that affects your self-confidence. If you can accept it's just a part of you - and I know, personally, women with colostomy bags/nine children/only one arm who have found love (not saying they shouldn't've, just that different things are issues for different people), a partial denture is barely a blip in the grand scheme of things.

Also, I hear from my uncle (whose wife has a total denture), that blow jobs are much better with no teeth blush

lifeissounkind Sat 30-Jul-11 22:46:13

Thankyou, I cannot afford implants but will defo look into dental collages to see if there is a way around it,

I cannot carry on like this, everyday life is ok, im used to them now, i just hate having to take them out to eat and the thought of getting close to a man and him recoiling the way my kids do when i have to take them out just soul destroying,

I know i'm not the only one which is why i posted on here as i would love to hear someone elses experience firsthand,

lifeissounkind Sat 30-Jul-11 22:55:29

seniorcindarella you made me laugh abot the blow jobs Thankyou

seniorcindarella Sat 30-Jul-11 23:02:12

There's always a positive, seriously grin

NanaNina Sat 30-Jul-11 23:03:23

Implants are horrendously expensive. I think you need to have a new denture made, one that fits properly and that you don't have to take out to eat. I paid £800 for a full upper denture and it fits perfectly and I can't imagine having to take it out to eat. I do use a couple of tiny dots of denture fixative.

As for a relationship - if some bloke is worried about your denture then he isn't worth bothering about is he. Well that's my view anyway.

jasper Sat 30-Jul-11 23:09:37

I'm a dentist.
2 points
1) You do NOT have to remove your denture at night. ONLY remove it for cleaning.
2) the first denture you get after having teeth out is temporary, till your gums shrink/ heal. 3 months after having them out, a new one will fit MUCH better. You will be able to eat with it NO PROBLEM.

I make fantastic dentures on the NHS. A 4 tooth denture cost about £60 in Scotland, possibly more in England.

Ponders Sat 30-Jul-11 23:11:28

is it a completely plastic denture, OP?

I have a partial one with 4 front teeth + one canine on; it's a metal plate, & has clips holding it in place around teeth nearer the back

There are odd moments where something I'm eating sticks & it moves, but otherwise it's fine, I can eat normally and I can sleep in it.

Can't remember how much it cost; the first one I had was when I was pg, so it was an NHS job & didn't cost anything, but it was replaced after a few years & I had to pay lab costs (we have Denplan so dentist's costs for impressions etc are covered).

I'm sure it would be much cheaper for you than implants!

ElectricSoftParade Sat 30-Jul-11 23:15:03

Although I don't know about this personally (yet, dodgy teeth) I agree with NanaNina. Perhaps if you had a better fitting denture you would feel both physically and mentally better in yourself.

I am sorry that you are having to have this experience and wish you well. I hope you can feel more confident very soon. Bugger it, I am going to do it... ((((HUGS))))

Ponders Sat 30-Jul-11 23:15:33

& the metal plate doesn't cover my whole palate, it's just a fairly narrow strip around the edges

jasper Sat 30-Jul-11 23:18:04

Ponders, you have a cobalt chromium based denture, a really excellent design in certain mouths, and a good suggestion that OP might with to discuss with her dentist.

Not suitable till about 6 months after extractions.

HenriettaFarthingay Sat 30-Jul-11 23:19:58

I confessed to my then boyfriend that I had a denture (4 teeth), and all he said was 'yes I did realise'. It's never made a difference - we are now married almost 40 years, and have 4 kids. I eat with mine with no problem, so I think your denture obviously doesn't fit properly as jasper says. Go back to the dentist and tell him you're having problems with the denture.

seniorcindarella Sat 30-Jul-11 23:24:53

For what it's worth I've lost five teeth since I've been with DH and he's barely batted an eyelid other than

1) at the cost
2) when a chunk of tooth came off in his mouth while we were kssing

Ponders Sat 30-Jul-11 23:27:30

wow, thanks, jasper smile - a cobalt chromium based denture sounds really cool, I had no idea!

ohsored Sat 30-Jul-11 23:28:10

A decent partner will be more concerned about the way they came out, than the fact they are missing.

My partner told me about his on the first date . It was a bit of a surprise, but it doesn't matter to me in the slightest, apart from me hating how self-conscious it can make him feel. He can't eat or sleep in his, and I don't care at all.

jasper Sat 30-Jul-11 23:39:59

Ponders- you are cooler than you think grin

BalloonSlayer Sun 31-Jul-11 08:11:17

My mum has partial dentures and has never removed them at night. She says that every dentist she ever sees tells her off but there is no way she is taking them out (she's had them since she was in her twenties). She has never had any problems with infections ever.

With the eating, can you manage to eat at all with them? I remember how awful it was trying to eat, to start with, when I wore a brace (the old fashioned type with a plate) but I wasn't "allowed" to take it out and I got used to it in the end.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 31-Jul-11 09:13:41

My sister was told to take hers out at night. She doesn't have any problem with eating. After the first few weeks when her gums were swollen it's fitted fine and been perfectly comfortable. Her bf initially laughed about putting her teeth in a glass at night, but a few ripostes on the lines of where he kept his hair these days put him straight. She confirms the BJ thing is true!

(Am a little disturbed at seniorcindarella's uncle discussing such things with his niece.)

NannymcDeb Sun 31-Jul-11 12:05:38

Hi, I am 41 and I also have a partial denture....Mine consists of a fron tooth and a 3rd right canine. On the other side of my mouth I have a 5 tooth bridge, that, if i'm very lucky, might last me another 10-20 years, (according to my dentist) but i've had it 16, so who knows. BUt when that goes, its another denture plate with more teeth on.
I used to have a crown at the front, but it was on a post, and one day the post just snapped, went to dentist and was devastated to know that was it, i needed falsies. Then about 10 months later my upper right 3 crumbled away, ( was mostly filling anyway!) and os another denture was made.

I try not to sleep in mine, but if i take it out i wait til hubbys asleep wink.
I eat perfectly fine with mine, altho at first biting into things is weird....perhaps you should persevere with trying to eat with it in?

I also use denture fixative called Fixodent dual power, longer lasting. You only need a bit, if you use too much it seeps out and WILL make you gag.

I would also say there is no reason to tell anyone you have it, unless you want to, its noone elses business!
My hubby and kids don't DEFINATELY know i have mine, as they never see me without it in.
I've had mine now since july09, and im used to it. Its not perfect, and every 6-12 months ill need a new one, as your gums receed and the shape of your mouth alters, but i get on fine with mine.
I would say don't give up, persevere, don't let it beat you!!
xxx

neuroticmumof3 Sun 31-Jul-11 12:07:39

I'm in exactly the same position as you OP, and the same age. I got infections during a pregnancy 4 years ago. Dentist wouldn't do x-ray or give anti biotics due to pg. After dd was born I ended up losing 3 top teeth. I can eat in my denture but have to take it out to sleep as I grind my teeth really badly and have to wear another gadget on my lower teeth when I sleep to move my jaw and protect my teeth. Super sexy! I can't even afford the £4k my dentist said it would cost to have the whole lot bridged. I too find it incredibly upsetting and fear that no one will ever love me again or think I'm attractive. It really is a major mental hang up for me as well. I'm obsessed with other people's teeth as well now! Everyone else looks like their teeth are lovely. I'd been thinking about posting a thread like this for ages but wasn't brave enough to 'come out' and do so. Your post has given me the courage to reply. Wish I had some answers for you (and me)!

AmyStake Sun 31-Jul-11 14:48:42

Any man who who is shallow enough to not want to date you for having a partial denture is a man not worth knowing. Use it as an idiot filter! smile

My BIL has a partial denture after he was randomly attacked by a complete stranger with a beer bottle. They broke his jaw, and his two front teeth and the two teeth to the right of it.

Why should you be ashamed?

Do you go to an NHS dentist? Is it possible you could book in with a private dentist for a consultation (I know you said you can't afford implants, but there are other options) and see what's available to you? smile

sarahtigh Sun 31-Jul-11 15:16:59

another dentist totally agree with Jasper, the first denture is always difficult as gum and bone shrink as they heal after extractions but about 90% of shrinkage is in first 6 months, after that a cobalt chrome dentture will be better. you do not need to take it out to sleep, but make sure you clean both sides of denture especially side that touches roof of mouth I often suggest you soak it twice a week for about 15 minutes in steradent or similar ( while having a soak in bath) though steradent not recommended if a metal denture.

No decent man would mind, the sort that minded a denture may also be the sort that minds if you get surgery for cancer or something

NHS and private dentures will be about the same regarding fit but with private denture you can get a larger range of tooth shapes and colours but at least 90% of dentures I made( on ML) were NHS and they matched fine, the biggest mistake is people insisting on whiter teeth than their natural ones then that does look bad.

Also neurotic mum most people can not tell you wear a denture unless very close obviously being a dentist I would be able to tell but most people are not dentists, you should be able to get a really nice denture for £300-500 NHS costs for chrome about £150 in scotland and slightly more in england ( not sure exact fee scale in england)

good luck to you both

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