Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Muslim hubby is against our DD being baptised

(22 Posts)
Almondgranola Thu 28-Jul-11 20:27:32

Hello all. I was raised Catholic, and I am married to a Muslim. He is very chilled about faith, and has put me under no pressure to convert. However, he says that out daughter must be raised Muslim. I have no problem with that if he wants to put in the effort. DH does not go to mosque regularly, and to be honest, I can't see him breaking a sweat about teaching our daughter the koran, taking her to mosque, etc. I'm not even sure how you would raise a child in the muslim faith, as hubby has never got round to telling me. Not cos it's a secret. He's just quite lazy. Where he is from, everyone is a muslim, so no specific parental effort is needed in terms of education about the faith as it's everywhere. Now I am no fanatic, and I have a healthy skepticism of all organised faiths, but I would like to get our daughter baptised. My hubby is against this, and if I go ahead with it, he is refusing to come to the service. He knows that I am not one to be saying hail mary's every 5 minutes, or quoting the bible, and he is the same when it comes to his own faith, but I can't get him to see that I want our daughter to have a good understanding of both his faith and mine, so when she is old enough, she has enough knowledge of both in order to make up her own mind. And being baptised is part of being a Catholic. Any ideas of how I can get around this?

YummyHoney Thu 28-Jul-11 20:31:48

Didn't you discuss this before you got married ? hmm

GypsyMoth Thu 28-Jul-11 20:32:33

That's what I was thinking!!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 28-Jul-11 20:33:37

why do you want your dd baptised if you have agreed she is to be raised muslim?

2rebecca Thu 28-Jul-11 20:34:22

And you are surprised by this why?
If you want her to make her own mind up them leave her until she is old enough to decide for herself. Do you really believe unbaptised babies go to hell? That seems a strange sort of god. If not then surely your husband is more important than doing something just because that is what your parents did.

iklboo Thu 28-Jul-11 20:34:23

Genuine question, not having a go, but if you're a not too strict Catholic & he's a not to strict Muslim, why have her baptised? Could you have a naming/welcoming ceremony, teach her about both religions & let her make up her own mind when she's old enough?

StitchingMoss Thu 28-Jul-11 20:35:55

I agree about letting her make her own mind up - which is what you say you want to do. Baptising her into one faith is not leaving her to make her own choice.

scurryfunge Thu 28-Jul-11 20:37:49

Have you both sprung your religions on eachother once the child was born or have you discussed this at any point? Why not leave it to your child to decide when they are old enough.

thisisyesterday Thu 28-Jul-11 20:39:26

sorry, but if you agreed that she would be raised as a muslim I can't even begin to understand why you would baptise her

you do know that when a child is baptised that you, and your husband, would have to stand up in church and promise to bring her up according to God's word etc etc etc

which would all be lies because oyu don't plan on doing that at all as you've already agreed that she will be brought up as a muslim

i think, aside from anything else, you would have a hell of a job finding ANY church that would baptise your child with a father of a different faith who plans to bring her up in that faith

stripeywoollenhat Thu 28-Jul-11 20:40:14

it's completely possible that this is a daily-mail-ism (in which case blush), but isn't islam really strict about apostasy? and i'm pretty sure your local parish priest wouldn't be all that supportive of half-inducting her into both traditions either. why don't you just teach her about both traditions and let her decide herself when she's old enough?

ImperialBlether Thu 28-Jul-11 20:41:34

He would make me want to baptise a child and I'm an atheist!

But why, WHY didn't you discuss this before you had a child?

alarkaspree Thu 28-Jul-11 20:41:56

You can't agree that your child is going to be raised muslim and then have her baptised as a catholic. The point of a baptism is that the parent(s) agree to raise their child in the christian faith. At all the baptisms I've ever been to the priest asked the parents publicly as part of the ceremony to make the commitment to bring the child up as a christian.

If you want to educate her about both sides of her family's heritage, just do that, and let her decide what religion to follow, if any, when she is old enough.

For what it's worth I think it was probably a mistake to agree to raising your dd as a muslim without knowing what that involves. I would revisit the issue with your husband and set out more formally how you are both expecting to do this.

eaglewings Thu 28-Jul-11 20:42:55

How about having a Thanksgiving Service and then letting her make up her own mind when she is older?

RedHotPokers Thu 28-Jul-11 20:43:23

As with everyone else, I am boggled as to why you didn't agree this prior to having children. Very strange.

I think you both need to make some time, sit down and have a proper chat about how you intend to bring your daughter up re. religion.

HerHissyness Thu 28-Jul-11 20:48:51

All muslims that marry/have children with non-muslims know that they have to insist on the DC being raised as muslim, it's part of the religion.

I am the last person to having my DS raised as a muslim. DS dad is a muslim, and doesn't even really believe, but he expects DS to be raised as one, but there is no way I can or even would now! X has never lifted a finger to even care for his son, let alone educate him religiously.

Basically if you have your DD baptised, she CAN'T be raised as anything other than a christian, do you understand this? You are, in the baptism, stating clearly, swearing unto god to raise her as a christian, she can not then be raised muslim or anything else really, unless she decides to convert in the future.

As you are not overly religious, then have a naming ceremony, that is a brilliant idea if iklboo's. Don't raise DD to be in either particular faith, but explain what both sides believe and leave it to her. You do have a multicultural situation there, your DD does have a foot in both camps as it were, you need to do a little more research into what the religion side of things mean before making decisions for your DD.

Ephiny Fri 29-Jul-11 13:13:12

This makes no sense to me. Firstly I'd agree with others that surely this should have been one of the big issues you'd discuss before getting married or having a child?

And if you're not particularly religious, then I don't understand why it matters to you about your DD being baptised. You can still teach her about Christianity/Catholicism and make sure she has a full understanding of both traditions, she can still make up her own mind when she's older, and indeed she can choose to be baptised when she's older if that's what she wants.

Finally, baptism is usually taken quite seriously in the Catholic church. It's not just about a ceremony and a party, but about taking vows to raise your child in the faith, and I think you'd really struggle to find a priest willing to go along with this in the knowledge that you've already decided she'll be raised Muslim!

littleducks Fri 29-Jul-11 13:19:17

Did you daughter have the adhan read in her ear after birth? (an islamic birth rite)

TrillianAstra Fri 29-Jul-11 13:22:41

So you have agreed that your child will be raised Muslim.

But you want to go to a church and promise in front of people to raise her Catholic, and you want your DH to join in with this, even though neither of you have any intention of raising her as a Catholic?

suzikettles Fri 29-Jul-11 13:26:43

No, it doesn't make any sense to me either confused. You can bring her up knowing the traditions of both religions but once you baptise her a Catholic haven't you basically made a choice? Unless you're planning to lie to the priest.

AMumInScotland Fri 29-Jul-11 13:31:43

"being baptised is part of being a Catholic" - yes, but it quite definitely is not part of being a Muslim. If she is being raised as a Muslim, then she isn't a Catholic. If she is being raised as a Catholic then she is not a Muslim.

She can be raised with an awareness of both parts of her heritage, but she can't actually be both Catholic and Muslim at the same time - the two sets of ideas and religious requirements are too incompatible for that.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 29-Jul-11 13:33:43

By getting the child baptised you are agreeing publicly to raise her as a Catholic. So why would do you this if you have agreed she will be raised a Muslim.

ThePathanKhansWoman Fri 29-Jul-11 13:41:36

Hate to be an Echo, but you really ought to have discussed this before your marriage. My DH is muslim, i was raised as a catholic.Like you my husband has never put any pressure on me to convert, but when we discussed children, them not being brought up in the Islamic faith would have been unthinkable for my DH.

I feel for you, however you both need to sit down and work your way through this. I would say your DH will be very immovable on this particular subject. Good luck.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: