It's a long one - sorry.
I've never really had a good relationship with my mum. She has always put herself first, including dragging me and my sister from house to house as she moved in with her various boyfriends/husbands when we were young.
To others she appears to be a doting mum/grandmother, but it's all an act. She has told me before that she never wanted children - nice.
2 years ago, she and her husband decided to move to a tourist town 70 miles away. So they sold their house, and bought a flat in the new town. My mum got another job; her husband didn't. The plan was she would move over there, while her husband would carry on with his current job, whilst looking for a new job in the new town.
He had arranged to stay in a workmate's spare room - this fell through - cue a hysterical phone call from my mum saying he would have to live in his van as had nowhere else to go. Feeling suitably guilt tripped, I said he could stay in our spare room for a few weeks. This lasted for 6 months.
Still having not found a job, they decided to buy a business, despite having no savings/business experience. They bought a unit in a market as a going concern, and her husband moved over there. During this time we were summoned to visit regularly as "she missed everyone so much".
About 6 months later, my mum decided she wanted her own business too, so packed in her job and took a unit in the same market, with the idea of selling baby clothes - again with no experience whatsoever.
Not surprisingly, the main business didn't provide the income they were hoping for (probably as they were running it into the ground). Sunday nights were marked with hysterical phonecalls from my mum about how they were going to have to sell the flat/be homeless and that she missed us so much. Some nights she was sobbing so much I couldn't make out what she was saying. They were planning to move back here once they'd found jobs/sold the flat
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. They have sold both businesses, at a loss. My mum has moved into a flat less than 1/2 a mile from my house. Her husband is staying at their old flat for now, while it's on the market. He has a casual job which might give him a day's work each week, or it might not. I had assumed he would be joining my mum at weekends.
A few days ago I got a phonecall from her husband asking me to go round to see my mum as she was in a state, and could I take an aerial cable round as she hadn't got one. It turns out that he's not coming over at weekends as they can't afford the petrol.
So round I go. On top of the tv is a pile of cables that she's just not bothered to attempt to plug in. My mum is again in absolute hysterics, saying she's cut off from the world as the phone isn't connected/she's got no tv etc. She's got no fridge/freezer as it's in the old flat, and doesn't drive.
I then get the whole sob story about how they can't afford to pay rent on the new flat, and the mortgage on the old one. So why did she move??? She told me she'd been living on boiled potatoes as she couldn't afford food. I duly took round a weekly shop for her.
I knew this would happen. Everytime she's made a decision, it's been with no thoughts to the possible consequences, with me being left to pick up the pieces. I would quite like to move to another town, but wouldn't dream of it until we had jobs waiting.
I thought the weekly hysterical phonecalls would stop once she moved back here, but it appears this is only the beginning. I can't cope with it any more. I wish I could just tell her not to contact me anymore .
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I can't cope with my mother any more
20 replies
TooManyBlossoms · 28/07/2011 14:16
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