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Why has this shaken me so much?

(14 Posts)

Went no contact with parents just after Christmas - lots of reasons, mostly my mother is an evil bitch who delighted in putting me down and interfering in my life. And my dad sat in the corner and let her.

Many many things over the years, and I am much happier since I did.

Haven't seen them since.

But today in the supermarket I saw them down an aisle (I was only getting milk and coffee). They didn't see me (I don't think so anyway they had their backs to me as I walked past the end of the aisle iyswim).

But I'm all shaken and I don't know why.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear Thu 28-Jul-11 14:45:55

I guess it's because old memories get dredged up and you start feeling like you did when you were a child - well done for them not seeing you

Fuzzy (love the name btw) I just high tailed it out of there - made me wonder what I would've done if they HAD seen me confused

I don't know - it was almost like a panic attack sad

HerHissyness Thu 28-Jul-11 16:05:47

It's OK Fuckmepink, I felt like that anytime and every time I heard egyptian spoken anywhere around me when I came back to Europe!

It passes, it's like a form of PTSD, try rescue remedy if it's a lasting feeling, otherwise a medicinal wine might be in order!


Fuzzywuzzywozabear Thu 28-Jul-11 16:21:50

Hi again. I had hypnotherapy to help me overcome my anxiety and it did me the world of good. Before this I had counselling to deal with my feelings about my toxic parents. It might be that you need to seek some help to come to terms with your feelings about your parents and to get your control back - good luck

Thing is, I've been fine up til now, but seeing them just threw me so much.

I'm going for a bath shortly to see if that calms me my hands were literally shaking when I got to the car

Thanks guys btw

HerHissyness Thu 28-Jul-11 20:22:14

When you blocked them from your life., you were full of adrenalin, and anger and emotion.

Seeing them suddenly, when you were least expecting to, that's what shook you.

It had to happen one day, now it has, the next time won't be so shocking.

Can you meditate, as it were, on this in the bath?

Kindly forgive the wanky wooo expressions, but hard to convey what I mean otherwise... (ponders name change... WankyWoo... hmm...)

When I had a panic attack/agoraphobia one time when I got back to the UK, it really helped to be there in the moment, feeling the feelings and analysing them, asking myself questions like What are you feeling? why are you feeling that, what do you think is going to happen? When you truthfully answer those questions to yourself, you will find it is the fear of fear itself mostly and not at all as huge as you thought it was.

Thanks HH - good suggestion

I was afraid that if she saw me she would kick off one of her nutty rants in public in the supermarket she dresses like a bag lady is an alcoholic (but she says she's not) never looks tidy or clean doesn't wash her clothes or herself enough is totally unstable and I would have been CUT TO THE BONE if she had gone off on one in the middle of the supermarket.

But then at the end of the day, as DP said, anyone looking at it would have thought "who is that nutty alcoholic bag lady and why the actual fuck is she ranting at that nice normal person"

grin I do love my DP at times

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Thu 28-Jul-11 20:31:41

It might also help if you had a plan about how you would handle any chance interaction where they do see you, as it may happen again.

I concocted several scenarios and prepared set phrases to use in case of chance encounters with my abusive stbxh who still lives in the same city as me. I know I will be pumped full of fear and adrenalin if I do come across him, but at least I'll have a well-memorised script to switch to rather than being caught unprepared and vulnerable. I've already used this method for times when I knew I would have to see him -- in court, for example. It really helped that I already had my statement prepared, and I prepared it such that it ended any dialogue in its tracks. It worked!

I prepared my scripts after going to an assertiveness workshop and reading a verbal self-defence book, if that helps.

ItsMe - that's another very good suggestion.

I love MN there's no one in RL I can talk to (apart from DP and he has no experience of anyone like my mother so he doesn't get it plus because he is my DP he just wants to protect me)

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Thu 28-Jul-11 20:36:22

anyone looking at it would have thought "who is that nutty alcoholic bag lady and why the actual fuck is she ranting at that nice normal person"

grin You know, that actually is one of my scenarios with stbxh: if he corners me somewhere densely populated, I plan to loudly and with great outrage act like he's someone I don't know, and appeal to those nearby to help keep this obvious nutter/pervert away from me.

I think I would just walk away - and if she followed and caused a scene look for security staff to help me out.

But actually pretending I don't know her is a good idea too

TheOriginalFAB Thu 28-Jul-11 20:39:56

It is perfectly normal to feel like this. I felt my heart stop when I saw a photo of my mother on facebook when looking for someone. It is just the shock.

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