Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Nearly 34, single and wondering whether I'll ever meet someone to have kids with

(34 Posts)
peardroplets Wed 27-Jul-11 21:12:28

I know this is a weird subject to post on a parenting website, but I've come across mumsnet when I've googled relationship and health issues in the past and the advice members give is always real good.
I am 34 next month and find myself single. All I really want is to meet someone and settle down and have kids but I just haven't met the right guy yet.
I worry constantly that I'm getting too old and it's going to get more difficult to have kids..am I being silly?

ameliagrey Wed 27-Jul-11 21:17:58

Ahhh poor you.

Look, you are not being silly. You have a biological clock and a it's ticking loudly- nothing to be ashamed of in listening to it!

However, you have a good 5 years left ( or more) in which to have kids.

What's your track record so far with men? Long relationships, short ones, none at all much?

What are you doing to meet men?

All you can do is widen your social circle- the usual cliches- clubs, internet dating, singles holidays, work???, friends of friends...

Whatever you do, don't settle for Mr Wrong just to have kids.

And don't please make it clear you are desperate as many men will run for the hills.

I've got friends who married at 35 and popped out 2 kids before they were 40. You might meet someone tomorrow in the supermarket! Don't give up- but don't just sit waiting for mr Right to drop by- you do need to get out there to be found.

peardroplets Wed 27-Jul-11 21:28:33

Thanks - I'm going to go on internet dating at some point.

It's not so much that I'm feeling all sorry for myself for being single and lonesome. It's more the tick tick tick which suddenly becomes much louder when you are single!

I suppose I'm looking for examples of ladies who have met their partners in their thirties and gone on to have families later in their thirties.

Helltotheno Wed 27-Jul-11 21:28:33

I won't give you any of the old 'what's for you won't pass you' type platitudes cos in reality I have no idea whether you'll meet someone but... you're definitely not too old. Yes there is such a thing as a biological clock but I know many, many women who've had kids up to (and the odd one over) 10 years older than you are now.

I second what the poster above said about getting yourself out there, and especially try to get involved in clubs/activities where you might meet people you've something in common with.

In the highly unlikely event that you don't meet someone, I would consider going it alone... put it this way, when I was 30, I told myself if I hadn't met someone by 38, I was going it alone. Ok that didn't arise for me but I would've stuck to my guns because I know for me, it wouldn't have been an option to wake up at 50 with no kids just cos some knight in shining armour didn't come along for me to have em with. Just my own view though...

ninah Wed 27-Jul-11 21:32:01

Be careful not to ignore what they call on here 'red flags' precause of the biological imperative! I felt similarly to you in my mid 30s, I really wanted children - to my own surprise. I had ds when I was 35. Am now happily single with an ok co-parenting relationship with his father, but it was a rocky road at times

ameliagrey Wed 27-Jul-11 21:32:52

OP"Thanks - I'm going to go on internet dating at some point."

What's stopping you?

If you really want to make things happen why are you standing thinking about it? Do it today!

I know that some people don't think like this but...if you want to meet someone you have to be very calculated about it- and really maximise your chances by doing everything you can to grow your social circle.

Hellishday Wed 27-Jul-11 21:34:12

I didn't meet dh till I was 34, got married at 35, dd at 36. Ds at 39.
Now knackered at 51grin
Like you I was feeling quite desperate, but it did happen.
definitely go for the Internet dating.

Petesmum Wed 27-Jul-11 21:37:02

Hi, historically I've had a terrible track record of relationships & whilst I was lucky enough to have a DS 8 years ago, four years ago at 34 I found myself single again.
Thankfully match.com came to my rescue. Well once I got over my worry that internet dating was a little sad blush 18 months later I'm married, happy and pregnant! So don't give up hope Mr Right is out there, just perhaps hiding smile
Good luck in finding him

Whatmeworry Wed 27-Jul-11 21:37:04

Don't put yourself under toomuch pressure - friend of mine met a really nice guy on an Internet site at 37, started at 39, and has 3 lovely DC now.

I think that Internet dating is definitely an essential way to go, its like a "man warehouse" grin.

Rooble Wed 27-Jul-11 21:38:25

Not sure if this helps, but when I was your age I was in the same position.
It's not silly to worry because we all worry about being old and alone and the biological clock etc - but perhaps worrying isn't the most constructive way around this?
I am now 41, very happily married and have a child. When I was 33 I realised I wasn't meeting any single men (of an acceptable quality!) so went online. Not sure if the site still exists as I haven't had occasion to look, but you had to put quite a lot of effort into writing your profile which was really worth it - you could filter out really quickly the people who were taking it seriously. I met some disasters and some men who became lovely friends and the one I'm now married to.
May be worth giving it a go?
It can all work out!

Rooble Wed 27-Jul-11 21:41:33

Whatmeworry - ooh I wonder if your friend is my friend? As exactly this happened to her! Is your friend's eldest DC not yet 4?

Whatmeworry Wed 27-Jul-11 21:53:18

Rooble no much older now so that makes 2 cases....

motherinferior Wed 27-Jul-11 21:55:32

I took up with a bloke on 27 December 1999. I was 36 and had reached the point of Giving Up. I really felt that my life was not going to work out in any way that made children a possibility.

I got a positive pregnancy test on 5 June 2000, my 37th birthday.

Oh, and we've got an eight year old as well. grin

peardroplets Wed 27-Jul-11 21:59:19

oh, thank you so much everyone...I think I just needed a bit of reassurance. I'm going to get myself on match.com soon. I only split up from my last boyfriend a few weeks ago so I think it's a bit soon to throw myself back in the ring yet, but once I dust myself down, I will hit that man warehouse!

WillIEverBeASizeTen Wed 27-Jul-11 22:00:29

My niece was 36 when she met her hubby, first child at 38 and second on its way at 41. Friend met hubby on the internet, she was 36 and just had first child at 39. Both of the aforementioned did not envisage these relationships...you never know what's around the corner...

PeppermintPasty Wed 27-Jul-11 22:01:11

Pregnant at 37(accident, never heard the biological clock, ever. Thought there was something wrong with me when it was talked about!) Anyway, next baby at 41(and a half). It does happen.

PeppermintPasty Wed 27-Jul-11 22:02:18

Next? I mean last

Yika Wed 27-Jul-11 22:26:22

I met the father of my DD when I was 43 and we had a baby one year later. We are no longer together but she is a beautiful 10 month-old. smile

And now I'm going to start internet dating again myself!

herbaceous Thu 28-Jul-11 14:49:59

Panic not. At 34 I'd just come out of a long relationship with a man who turned out to be gay. Great. Then I did online dating, got friends to set me up, etc etc and had some great, if short-lived relationships. Then when 37 I met DP (10 years younger than me) at work, and had DS when I was 43. So, it does happen! Quite a lot, judging by this thread.

fattramp Thu 28-Jul-11 14:51:50

please be careful. I met and had kids with someone at your age. Great kids, shite relationship

aliceliddell Thu 28-Jul-11 14:56:01

38 - met dp. 39 shagged fell in love with dp. 39.5 - pregnant. 40 - had dd.

RockinSockBunnies Thu 28-Jul-11 14:59:22

Another one that recommends match.com! I found DP on it and we're getting married in three weeks.

That aside, though, if I hadn't met Mr Right, I'd have no qualms about getting pregnant using donor sperm and raising a child alone. I had DD at 19 and her father had nothing to do with us, so have already parented alone and would again if I hadn't met the right person.

midnightexpress Thu 28-Jul-11 15:09:57

Don't fret. I met DP at 37 and we now have two DC (born when I was 39 and 40). There's time (I won't say 'plenty' of time, but time nevertheless). I know plenty of other people who have been in a similar situation too - divorced and single at 35, now with a DP and DC at 44, single at 44, now married and with an adopted DD at 48 etc etc.

OTOH, while not advising you to 'give up' (far from it), I do think (having been there) that it's important to reach a point where you are comfortable with the possibility that it might not happen naturally for you. I had more or less come to terms with the idea that I might be unable to have children of my own (for biological as well as relationship reasons), and then I got lucky. I think that helped me get through most of my 30s happily, regardless of my relationship status, and to approach new people without too much expectation.

SirGin Thu 28-Jul-11 15:46:24

My Xp was 41 when beautiful dd turned up. 34 ? Pah ! You're a spring chicken.

jasper Sat 30-Jul-11 23:55:13

plenty of time !

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now