After many false starts (us agruing, me asking him to leave, him leaving, then me allowing him back time after time), we eventually argued again, I told him to leave, he did, and I stuck to my guns and never allowed him to move back in again.
It was hard. He totally believed it would be like all the other times, but it wasn't.
Lot of shit followed for the next 2 or so years and now we barely have contact which suits me just fine.
After weeks (months?) of getting advice from the wonderful people on MN and dithering I told him not to bother buying me anything for my birthday or Christmas both of which were imminent because I didn't want to continue the relationship.
He dithered around for a week or so, coming up with various excuses as to why he couldn't move to his mothers yet until I quit being Mrs understanding and firmly told him he had to go.
He did and the rest is history. Still can't believe I actually plucked up the courage. Best thing I did for over a decade!
He's not abusive. Well not physically or verbally and i am not sure emotionaly either although a friend seems to think so. We rent, applied for the house together but only his name on deeds. I'm going to have to be the one to go aren;t i?
He has been out this afternoon giving me some "space" with a letter he wrote and will take the DCs out after school - as is the norm once a week anyway. I am pondering not being here when he comes back. I usually do something on a thursday but leave a lot later.
I sat him down one night, there had been nothing happen, no arguements and told him I would only say it once, that I wanted him to REALLY hear what I was saying and that it was how I felt. Then I told him that I wasnt in love with him, that I had no interest in trying anymore and I wanted a separation. I figured direct was the best way. In the past we had so many arguements and I flung it at him all the time. The way I did it made him realise straight off that I was deadly serious. It wasnt nice, I didnt feel proud of myself, but I had to do it that way or else he never would have believed me.
Ah, I see re the following bit. You could always PM me
Feeling trapped is awful. Money, children, emotional blackmail, the house, the bills, the lack of attention, wanting to move forward with your life, wanting to enjoy your life but you can't for one reason or another..........