I can't seem to "connect" with dh any more. We have been together nearly 20 years, have children (oldest 11). He says (constantly) that he loves me and wants us to stay together. He works from home and doesn't really have any hobbies or friends - is happy being with the family. He is very unaffectionate - he will sit next to me and put his arm around me but only when I ask him to - I have to say (every evening) "can't you sit by me". He says that he is more comfortable on his own (eaten too much, arm gone to sleep etc etc - always some excuse). We didn'thave sex for years - he kept saying that this was because I didn't want to - (he was happy with mutual masturbation but not sex) in the end I got so fed up that I practically jumped on him and we now do have sex but no kissing (unless I ask) and he still appears to avoid penetration for as long as possible. He clearly gets visually turned on by me though. He just seems to want to do everythign on his own - says that he'd rather go to a football match alone then with friends as the company doesn't outweigh the hassle of having to arrange to meet up etc. He don't actively prevent me from having friends but it is very difficult - couples tend to want to see other couples and when he will not engage it is hard. Also he gets cross if I am not around to be with him at evenings w/es etc as he doesn't want to be alone - he wants me there - but doesn't want to really talk to me or anything.
Sounds trivial but an example is this evening - we were (as a family) having a take away (somethign we hardly ever do - usually kids eat earlier and us later). I lay table, start to serve and dh says that he wants to cook something different (kids choose takeaway) so goes off and does this. We are sittign around eating, he is in kitchen. He did come in an deat his with us when it ws cooked but couldn't understand why I wanted him to have the same as us (ie share the food). He argues that he hurts no one by cooking his own and that there is then more for us. Very rational - he can't undrstand why it matters to me that we eat the same thing occasionally. He is like it in restaurants - if he orders a different dish to me then he really hates it is I ask to taste it and offer him a taste of mine. Says that he has no interest in what my food tastes like etc etc.
Any suggestions please? Anyone else have a similar problem?
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Relationships
un-social husband
soggy14 · 27/07/2011 20:42
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