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Worried about DH - what can I do?

(7 Posts)
grizedale Wed 27-Jul-11 13:17:35

Bit of a long story this one but last night my DH was crying into his hands, saying every decision is too much right now. His parents died 6yrs ago of cancer quite suddenly. We moved abroad, had two children since so its been non-stop really. Now we're back in England and he never seems happy. He gets angry really easily. He's such a genuine, nice person but I'm so worried he is slipping into depression and/or illness due to long-term stress. Can anyone give me so advice on how to help him? I've suggested grief counselling but he got really defensive about it and refused to talk for ages. Right now he is off work today (unheard of normally) cos he's been sick - I think from stress.
Just feel at a loss on where to go from here....any ideas would be helpful!

GeekCool Wed 27-Jul-11 13:23:42

Does he have any close male friends? I was really worried about my DH last year and I spoke to his best mate who dropped everything and came down to stay. Meantime I spoke to DH and he agreed he needed something. He went to docs and hasn't looked back since.

I hope you can find something to help him, it's awful to watch someone you love suffer in silence.

knitknack Wed 27-Jul-11 13:25:18

He needs to get to his doctor - they will help him SO much and it will also be 'in the process of being sorted' which in itself makes a huge difference!

Good luck

lookbutdonttouch Wed 27-Jul-11 13:44:11

My oh really needed help some time ago. We didn't get anywhere with doctors or pills and in the end it took a truly wonderful counsellor to help. And oh my god did he help.

It did however take my partner getting to rock bottom (almost) before he would see someone and thankfully we found the right person.

I second those above who say doctors are the first step as they really can help however I would recommend you look for a counsellor too.

Obviously you need to get your dh to agree and hopefully he will, if he is willing to talk to you about it then perhaps you could suggest that talking to an outside, totally unrelated person may help him get some things off his chest. Sounds less scary than saying 'get professional help'.

Give him time and keep saying you are there for him....

ImperialBlether Wed 27-Jul-11 14:42:32

My ex husband had a period of time like this when we were married. Once he'd seen the doctor, the difference was tremendous. It was as though he'd been able to relinquish responsibility for how he felt - he truly believed the doctor could help him. (He hadn't thought that before he went, just after.) That one meeting made such a difference. He went on to have regular check ups and to have anti-depressants, but the biggest difference was after that first meeting.

cestlavielife Wed 27-Jul-11 14:50:39

he needs to go to GP. make him an appt and take him there. and stay in the appt with him.

he needs help -whether counselling or alternative approaches - or prescribed gym programme or online CBT - or meds.
if he doesnt agree to counselling or meds or any other form of help you need to do tough love - he goes elsewhere with his illness. he is an adult and repsonsible for his mental health - if his anger etc is impacting you and the DC then time for you to take charge.

you can keep him at home and support if he is preapred to seek help.

if he is taking it all onto himself withdrawing etc then that is one thing but if his anger means lashing out at objects, you or DC then you need to get him help -and fast.

maybe his work will tell him no coming back til seen GP? does his work ahve occupational health?

maybe bereavement counselling yes but that was a while ago - more combnation of things?

how does his anger manifest?

read up matthew johnstone
ihadablackdog.blogspot.com/

and depresion fallout
www.depressionfallout.com/

do nothing and he will slip further and may harm himself or others.

IslandMoose Wed 27-Jul-11 16:49:26

I experienced this - had a complete break-down out of the blue. Looking back it had been caused by stress: loss of my dad, high-pressure job, arrival of first DC following IVF, undergoing further cycle of IVF hoping for second DC. Rapidly developed into anxiety attacks, inability to sleep and thoughts of self-harm.

The second I saw my GP (together with my partner) I knew that things could get better. It was a very long journey, but I knew that there was a path.

Please, take your DH to the GP. A good GP will open a door and give your DH a map back to being the person he used to be.

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