wierd and embarrassing dreams

[CharlieBoo]

Dp and I have been having a few probs recently... Not getting on great... Sex life has been non existent for a good number of months. It's just a bad patch, basically I have gone off sex with him altogether (I am very anxious about getting pregnant). Just recently I have been having naughty dreams on waking up in the mornings... Getting a bit embarrassing tbh... I have no idea why, but I am so embarrassed he may have realised or if my dd ( who often creeps into our room in the night) figured what's going on.... Am I normal... Help... Feel like I'm going mad...

[CharlieBoo]

Eek just me then....You must think I'm some wierdo.. :-( really need to try and get back on track with dp... Maybe I/we need some sort of counselling... Any ideas where to try?

[Pigglesworth]

Don't worry, I don't think anyone thinks you're a weirdo. I think it is normal to have dreams about anything and everything. I know people who have had very violent dreams that have disturbed them, for example; it doesn't mean they're psychopaths/ sociopaths, it may just have been triggered by a TV show they watched (or who knows).

I suppose my point is that your dreams alone don't warrant any judgement or embarrassment in my opinion. Probably plenty of people have such dreams and don't even remember them. And I don't think your husband or daughter would really know what was going on in your head, even if you were making noises or something (do you have any reason to think that they'd know?). Often the emotions associated with our dreams have a way of "tainting" our feelings/ perceptions when we wake up, so the lasting effect of a dream is in your head rather than tangible/ perceptible to others.

I guess the real issue here, to me, is what do these dreams represent to you? Why are you and your husband having such problems?

[Renaissance227]

I'm pregnant at the min and ALWAYS having really steamy dreams after I've put my alarm on snooze in the morning! You are NOT alone

[lazarusb]

I'm not pg and happily married but for the last 2 nights I've had explicit dreams about a friend of mine In fact, I bumped into him in town today and got embarrassed because of them!
I don't think you're weird at all but maybe you need a 'release', even if it's on your own

[CharlieBoo]

Thanks for responses.... I guess I just feel a bit wierd about them... I haven't really had them before and just feel a bit wierd, almost as if I'm being unfaithful/dirty, especially with dp and dd in the bed!! That's prob my Irish catholic upbringing and we don't really talk about sex so would be mortified if dp realised.. Dd is only 2 so wouldn't have a clue anyway. But yes renaissance227, mine are steamy too and it's embarrassing!

Sex is off the menu, not because I don't fancy dp or that I don't love him, I do very much but I am so paranoid about getting pregnant that it just puts me off... It's all I can think about once we've done the deed. We have 2 kids and I'm a sahm and I don't feel I could cope with anymore!! He won't have vasectomy, so I'm on the pill but am so paranoid about it not working. Its putting pressure on our relationship as he obviously is fed up of being knocked back all the time, he would never say anything nor does he expect it, but I know he'd like it more than we do.

[RescueChicken]

Have you tried 'coitus interuptus' (I think that's how you spell it!!)? You still get to have proper sex, and if the risk of getting preggers worries you as you are DTD then just finish him off with your hand or mouth. Pretty sure he won't mind! Plus actually having sex will take the pressure off and let you sort your head out rationally.

[lazarusb]

Can't he use condoms as a back up to the pill? Just thought that would give you a visible reassurance IYSWIM? Then you'd both be getting more sex without the worry of possible pregnancy...and it's mess free for you too as an added bonus!

[TheArmadillo]

You don't have to have penetrative sex to have fun with each other - oral, handjobs etc can be more pleasureable for women anyway. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

I also had a fear of getting pregnant for a while (though it wore off once my general anxiety was treated) - it really can suck any enjoyment out of the act. Are you generally anxious or is it just this one thing?

Sex dreams are normal and most people have them at some point in their life. The freakiest ones are the ones that involve someone you would never ever fuck in a million years.

[CharlieBoo]

I am generally anxious but it goes away for ages then comes back for a while.. One of my main anxieties has always been unplanned pregnancies. I had a very bad birth experience first time and I have never really been the same person since. Also had bad pnd with first child but not with second.. I guess I am quite prudish in the bedroom and the sex is pretty straightforward anyway, I get embarrassed too easily. Hence why I am mortified about the dreams.. I am worried to bits I am having a big o whilst in bed with dp and dd!!! How revolting!! Maybe it's sexual tension... Must be.

[lazarusb]

Have you had any counselling for your anxiety? Sounds like you could benefit from working on that & developing coping strategies for when you feel it's happening.