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How do I explain to DCs that they won't be going on holiday inschool hols?(81 Posts)
Basically I just can't afford or physically cope on my own with taking them to the seaside for a holiday.
Feel so bad about this as their friends at school and pre-school have all been talking about where they will be going on their hols. DS1 is desperate to go to Disneyland as his best friend is going, but I just cannot do this on my own.
Have written up a timetable for the next 6 weeks with days out to park and cinema and swimming (with a bit of help from their grandma), and will be royally knackered at the end of school break, but still feel bad when I see the dissapointment on their faces at thought of no sea or beach.
If you cannot cope of afford it then they will just have to accept it? Sounds like you have loads of plans for the Summer and they will have a great time.
Where in the country are you?
Is there any chance you could take them to Worthing or Brighton overnight in a travelodge?
It is not a long holiday but we did this at half term and it was great and cheap! I had my two and a friend had her three kids and it was just nice to have a night away.
One year we had very little money, went camping at a fairly run of the mill site near Rutland and did cycling etc. Kids loved it, especially as there were other kids and a pool, and we also did family stuff like telling ghost stories at night. You don't need Disneyland.
We aren't going anywhere and my 3 aged 6, 5 and 4 couldn't care less.
As long as we have a nice few weeks together in the garden, at the park etc etc they will have a ball.
I never had holidays as a child (with 7 of us it was pretty difficult) and I never remember once feeling hard done by because of it.
Say nothing, if they ask just say were not going away on holiday because our home is so nice but we are doing loads of cool things over the next few weeks.
Then remind yourself it is good for children to be bored and that you shouldn't feel the need to entertain them every day!
It sounds like you've made a nice plan for them - call it 'holidays at home' maybe?
Camping is fun and fairly cheap, but difficult to do on your own, I think, unless you're a very seasoned camper with a tent that's very easy to put up. You could do 'camping at home' though - like a sleepover where you all bunk in together and tell stories, have hot chocolate, etc.
If you have any friends in the same situation, could you get to the seaside maybe for 1 night in a B&B? Then you don't need to go on your own.
I agree with others who say it's the quality time spent together that they will remember - it's certainly what my DS looks forward to on holiday.
My kids are still too young to appreciate what others do 'on holiday' but I'm keen that they think that being on holiday is just as important (if not more so) than going on holiday. It's the time together as opposed to the location that makes a holiday IMO.
How old are your kids?
i agree with all the above, but wonder why you feel that they are being short changed- because they aren't.
We are 'staycationing' because we choose to, and are happy with the decision.
My PIL live abroad and DH visits bringing one of the kids: whe people ask why we don't all go I say 'because it woukdn't be a holiday for me then'
Do you live anywhere near enough to the seaside for a day trip to a beach? It's possible to get railcards and things to make fares cheaper as well, and you can get even cheaper train fare by booking the tickets in advance.
I think you have done the right thing in planning stuff to do each week close to home.
We aren't going away at all and yesterdays outing was a trip to the park.
Don't feel bad, the kids will enjoy spending the time with you, whatever you do.
you don't 'explain'
you just say breezily 'this year we're holidaying at home'
and that's the end of it
it's your guilt that causes the problems - guilt seeps in with explanation and any right-minded child will jump that and build it into a huge issue
it's not an issue
you could if you wished use my mum's "we're holidaying at argate this year"
argat = our gate
90% of being a parent is hiding the stuff you feel bad / guilty about in breezy matter of fact joy IMO
OP my parents used to take us abroad regularly and we dreaded it. We had to sit in the back of the car (my bro & I fought like mad and I got car sick) while my parents "toured around" stopping to look at "interesting" buildings occaisionally.
My parents never felt guilty fgs and maintained they were giving us "amazing opportunities" to see Europe....more like cooping us up in a hot car feeling sick and uncomfortable and bored for days on end. We did get the odd afternoon at the beach but it was no compensation....
It is not better to go abroad. Its mainly great to have time off school hanging out and doing some fun stuff with the attention of your mum.
Enjoy the hols OP, your kids will too, throw away your guilt.
I think a day trip to the beach could work well. I have often seen posters advertising quite good fares via train. I don't know where you are in the country but there are many places where you can get a train then walk easily from the station to the beach/promenade.
Also lots of picnics. My son is a toddler, but we really enjoyed an impromptu picnic the other day and it saved on the washing up/kitchen cleaning etc after a normal meal.
Are you near the coast? What about just going to the seaside on a double decker bus? They love that. Or, catching a bus to a park on the other side of town to vary things. I know in our city the parks with the best ponds, swings etc are a good twenty minute bus ride away. They will love sitting upstairs!
Your holiday sounds fab! They're not being stuffed in some boring old playscheme, but going out and about... what's not to like?
EssentialFattyAcid - you can bond with my dh. He was traumatised for life by touring holidays to France every year with his parents. Two weeks of driving round with dh stuck in the back and stopping off at chateaux with long guided tours in French and the pil enjoying three-hour lunches. In fact in all his years of French holidays he says the only thing he enjoyed was buying The Smurfs record in a hypermarket. Such was his trauma that he won't consider under any circumstances setting foot on French soil!
Your plans sound lovely, OP. Don't feel guilty. Children can't learn too soon that they can't have everything others appear to have.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but, because of my family being poor, I had one holiday in my entire childhood. The second was when I went camping at 19, paid for by me. I know I envied others, but never mentioned it to my parents.
God, I sound like one of Monty Python's Yorkshiremen, but it's the truth.
Activate is right - if you feel guilty and that you're short-changing them then they will pick up on this and think they are being denied something that is their right.
My kids aren't getting a holiday this year because I'm tied up helping my elderly parents move. These things happen - something else gets in the way, you can't afford it etc etc. It's life - you can teach them to accept and move on.... or you can teach them that it's not fair and they're being badly done to.
Valuable life lesson opportunity here!!
Thankyou for the advice. I think I feel guilty mainly because their dad has only managed to make time for them on 1 day out of the whole bloody 6 weeks.
I did mention going on hols to him but he just said something along the lines of them not needing to go away anywhere.
We live about 200 miles from the nearest beach and I have considered driving, but I am a very nervous driver, and fear motorways with a passion.
Just feel really sad when other families talk about how excited the DCs are about going away for a week or so. My DCs have been nowhere really.
Mine are 10 and 8 and we're not going on holiday.
We have 2 dogs and I find it hard to get anyone to look after them for the day so we can spend a full day away. So, I let them invite their friends round for the day which is great.
Pretty much all of their friends are going abroad at some point. For some of these children it's their 5th foreign holiday this year! Mine notice this a bit but I just tell them we can't afford it which they accept.
We have a tent and may manage a couple of weekends away which they'll consider to be having 2 holidays.
If you don't present the idea in an apologetic or guilty way then I don't think they'll even notice.
We're not going on holiday either. I want to go camping but ds isn't interested (he's 16) to him it's only a holiday if it's abroad. DD is camping with brownies till thursday no doubt having the time of her life.
Could you not get the train to the beach?
NRLS seriously? I cant believe you feel bad about it. Loads of kids dont go on holidays. Not many kids I know have a cats chance of going to Disneyland!!
Parks, cinema, swimming...they will love it
Have you got a friend (another single parent?) who you could invite on a camping holiday? share driving/ share costs--you dont have to go that far from home even
do you think your guilt is a bit displaced?---and you really feel bad for them that their father isnt making time for them?
We are probably not going anywhere either.
Again all my DD's friends have a zillion holidays per year and it sucks sometimes when she asks where we are going.
We might get a few days on a nearby coast if I too can face the driving ( hate hate hate it too).
Can you do a train somewhere for an overnight trip?? Borrow a tent?
I am in north west, come with me!
ime little kids like camping in the garden, make a den, cook bangers and beans with them and play cowboys - they will enjoy it all the more if you are with them and not stressed and worried about travelling and money!
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