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advice regarding exp and his abuse

(13 Posts)
staceywav Mon 25-Jul-11 21:39:50

exp and i split up about 2 years ago have 1 dc, relationship was full of anger arguments fighting and one day i just changed my locks and packed all his stuff up and sent them to a family members of his
he phoned me 100 times a day turned up at my door at all hours in the morning kicked my front door in one night in general just a bit of a nutter, hes not intrested in our dc just in hounding me and making my life hell,
phoned police when he kicked in my front door but he was let away with a fine but as of lately the 100 text messages a day have started again calling me all sorts of abussive names ect threatning to come upto my house n will make sure its a night i never forget, and has wished me dead about 10 times in the last week
i cant sleep for the thought of him kicking in my front door again and maybe even doing a lot worse this time i honestly dont see the point in going to the police as last time it just made things a lot worse for me regarding his threats n stuff towards me
i would love to be able just to pack up and move so he doesnt no where me or dc is change my numnbers n would be quite happy to never take another penny of him again for dc but my problem is im in a private let, lease isnt up for months spoke to council about waiting list and ive no chance of getting anything with them, dont really have enough money to move and start over again, i think i could scrape enough together to move but would struggle financially for months im also really worried what the fall out will be with estate agents will they try hunt me down for rent money and try take me court for just upping and leaving

Alambil Mon 25-Jul-11 21:51:43

go to the police - it is harassment; a criminal act. ANOTHER criminal act - they will have a DV unit you should be referred to.

Or go to a lawyer - see about legal aid and take out an injunction against him

BibiBlocksberg Mon 25-Jul-11 21:52:49

Hello, didn't want you to go unanswered. Sounds like you're having a horrendous time of it.

Very surprised the police were no help last time x kicked your door in. Someone with more wisdom than I will be able to comment more I'm sure but with regards to moving - sometimes we have to do what we have to do in life.

Especially if it's to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. Sounds like you would benefit from moving out of the area asap.

buzzsore Mon 25-Jul-11 21:54:17

Well, you could do worse than talking to your estate agent about the possibility of ending the lease early. You probably can give notice, usually of about a month - and if they can find new tenants will likely be fine with it. That'd give you time to find somewhere else as well.

I think you should try the police again - if he's been fined before for it, he's going to face a stiffer penalty for continuing to harrass you. Get some legal advice, an injunction or restraining order or something might be the way to go.

staceywav Mon 25-Jul-11 21:59:25

after a drink in him no piece of paper unfortunetly telling him hes not allowed near me will make any difference so injuctions and restraining orders wont make a differnce
my lease states i need to give 1 months notice but will lose deposite and need to pay remaining rent untill contract runs out

blackeyedsusan Mon 25-Jul-11 22:20:09

but if he goes against an injunction, he can be arrested. you could always speak to womens aid and see if you can go to a refuge out of area.

KRIKRI Mon 25-Jul-11 22:39:34

Women's aid is definitely the best first port of call and don't rule out the police. Women's aid may be able to advise how you can push them to do something more effective this time.

It may be worth speaking to the landlord, despite what the lease says. If it's a letting agent, they may even be able to put you in a new property. If you explain the situation to someone senior, hopefully they may be able to do something. If something terrible happens to you and your child as a result of their inflexibility, it could look really bad for them in the press. Push that angle - that it really is THAT bad.

Best of luck.

LadyBlaBlah Mon 25-Jul-11 22:52:28

He sounds absolutely terrifying. You really do need to go to the police - they HAVE to help you. This guy is seriously dangerous. Show them your texts, that should be enough. You deserve to be safe in your own home.

I know it is hard but you must go to the police. As others are saying Womens Aid will help you do this. Call them now !

colditz Mon 25-Jul-11 22:56:24

Women's aid - this IS dometic violence and they can have you out of that house within a few days - maybe even hours. Ring them on 0808200247

neuroticmumof3 Tue 26-Jul-11 18:50:48

You should definitely speak to Women's Aid - this is domestic abuse. Although an injunction may not stop him contacting you or coming to your property it does mean the police can arrest him each time as he will be breaking the injunction and that gives the police power of arrest. I don't think your idea of disappearing would work too well. As he is the father of your child he could apply for a 'seek and find' order through the courts. This would mean you could be traced via your child benefit or tax credit claim. If you did need to leave the property to go somewhere safe, for example a refuge, you would be able to claim housing benefit for both properties for a period of time. I really recommend you get advice from Women's Aid and/or a solicitor. Don't delete his texts, you may need them for evidence.

staceywav Tue 26-Jul-11 23:36:08

i spoke to womans aid this morning they told me somebody would phone me back, im still waiting. even if he was to get a seek and find they cant give him my address he can fight to see my son but hes not intrested in him anyways
thanks for the advice though but i think moving is my only option or report it to the police but still live with that fear

pictish Tue 26-Jul-11 23:46:21

Women's Aid pronto! You are in danger woman!
They will find youn refuge, then aim to have you rehoused asap.

Nothing in, or around your home is worth a worst case scenario.

Please leave.

pictish Tue 26-Jul-11 23:48:41

Phone their 24 hour helpline. 0808 2000 247
Get the ball rolling for tomorrow.

Also contact police and tell them you are seeking a way out asap. Report your ex's threats, and show them the texts.

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