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Annoyed with friend

(8 Posts)
Noreturn Sun 24-Jul-11 15:31:45

I am very annoyed with a close friend. Since the beginning of the year she has let me and my family down several times. Our kids go to different schools, so we try and get them together every few weeks. DD is very close to her DD, but again mine dd was forgotten about last week(I invited her around for dinner, friend clearly forgot, but started to back fire and pretend they had a sudden school appointment). About four weeks ago her dd was meant to be coming for a sleepover, this had been arranged for a couple of weeks. They cancelled that evening saying she had too much homework!
Do I say something to my friend. My dd is very upset. When I suggested we invited friend's dd round next week she replied 'whats the point? They will only cancel'!
Over the easter holiday, after trying to get the kids together and yet again given a flaky 'maybe, not sure what we doing yet are', I did ask if if everything was ok. She became defensive and stated that life was busy etc...
Should I tell her how annoyed I am?

DontGoCurly Sun 24-Jul-11 16:52:30

It sounds like she is trying to phase you out/brush you off....

She doesn't sound like she wants to share the reason though. I wouldn't keep pushing, I would just take the hint and drop her.

Noreturn Sun 24-Jul-11 17:42:57

Thank you for your reply. That has crossed my mind. However she still meets me in the week, it is just the cancellations and the lack of commitment when trying to make arrangements for the family to meet up. When I brought it up at Easter she did mention about how busy life was etc, but also mentioned how much she valued my friendship. I let it drop as I did not want to come across as being too needy.

Also very surprised that they agreed to go away with us October half term.

My husband thinks it is because they have made new friends at their children's school. It just feels like they only meet us if there is nothing better going on.

At the beginning of June they missed my dd birthday as they were going away for the weekend with another family they have made friends with. That was fine, a bit disappointed but understood that weekends away can be rare so you have to go when you have the opportunity. She did however say that they would stop by on the monday evening to have some cake etc. Party food ready, kids excited, but then received a message to say they had a brilliant weekend away but kids exhausted so not able to come.
Just fed up that I am the one telling my kids that they are not coming over.

I feel so angry as today I have looked through my text messages at all the last minute cancellations. I want to say something but worried it will turn into an argument (she is very good at manipulating the situation, and it will be me being too sensitive). Also we have just paid the deposit for our week away.

colditz Sun 24-Jul-11 17:49:12

next time she texts you to organise to comeover/meetup, why don['t you send back "Sorry, but I am reluctant to make arrangements with you as you have cancelled X per cent of the arrangements we've made, andmy daughter is so disappointed every time".

Noreturn Sun 24-Jul-11 18:03:42

Great idea colditz, thank you.
On reflection I really don't think she wants to drop us, but I guess we have been last on her list and it hurts. I have made a point of not contacting her the past week, and will appear busy when she calls.
After cancelling last week, claiming they had an appointment she had forgotten about, she did try and make amends and invited me and the kids over tomorrow. I am not going to chase her up over this and will see if she remembers. Have not mentioned tomorrow to the kids!

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Sun 24-Jul-11 18:15:26

Could it be her dd who changes her mind?

sleepindogz Sun 24-Jul-11 18:15:54

maybe its the daughter who doesnt want to socialise with yours. she may have made new friends at her school who she is more friendly with now

buzzsore Sun 24-Jul-11 18:30:33

Yes, like sleepindogz, it strikes me that your friend is happy to meet up with you, but maybe her dd isn't as keen on your dd? Or has made other friends she'd rather see, and obviously that's a tough one for your friend to deal with - she wouldn't want to hurt your or your dd's feelings, but neither would she want to make her dd stay over if she doesn't want to.

It's a possibility. Kids' friendships wax and wane.

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